Judge — August 20, 1887 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

piece inforn) me to giv ocean on m: save the beatific mern dowager who bathes in the morning. Sidge: BROVERBIAL BHILOSOPHY. BY WILHELM STRAUSS. AS SUNG BY THE WHOLE OFFICE. ZIMMERMAN, was ish s0 sook you marret been Thear, Unt seddle oop unt seddte down, unt shwear off on your bier, You cot empowered mit vines unt holly- hocks in plow, But you nefer miss der sausage till der cash vas runnin’ low. It is besser dot dis broverb find a lodgings in your ear, Your artist and your writer friends vas shed der bitter tear, For dey vas all grass vidders unt life in single woe, But you nefer miss der cashes till bologna vas down low. You peen a kleine bridal tour on poats unt horses cars, You paid’a halluf a tollar for two cheap five cent rs, Niagara hackmen gife ten tollars for a nefer miss der lowness till der cash vas sausage-fried. I shpose dem sharps along der route vas shpot you by your clothes, Unt vink on you, unt shmile, unt put his finger on his nose ; Unt train-poys fill your lap'mit books, bananas soft unt mashed ; But we nefer low der missness till der sausages are cashed. Tf you yot a dreasure in dot loving leedle vife, can draw sight drafts on heafen in der peesness of life : Unt off you life a hundert years mit hair as gray as snow, May dose lofing links still bind you when der tide of life is low, ‘THE OLD PROFEAION. AN UNREASONABLE GUEST. Ata cheap restaurant, A guest is struggling with a plate of maccaroni when he discovers of an old straw hat in the dish. He calls the landlord and him of his * find.” ** Well!” says the latter, not at all disconcerted, ‘* you didn’t expect you Panama for five cents ? TWO MORE THAN ONE; OR TWO JONAHS MAKE A MASCOT. A THRILLING OF MIDSUMMER HAPPINESS. He (at Coney ‘Here I am in the presence of the great two month holiday, with not a feminine form in sivht, id whom T conjure up at night, and the aged And as by Coney’s moral strands I lin- ger, Lam left tothe burden of my own sad thoughts; aye, Lam sud- ly left!” She (from Smith col- lege, at the A SYMPATHETIC GIRL. Mr, Romantic—* Miss Breezy, at this quiet and heavenly hour of the evening, when the golden sun is dropping down beyond the vast limit of the ocean, and the cool zephyrs fan the playful wavelets into restless motion, do not your thoughts wander off from the troubles and con- fusion of this strange world into imaginary lands where everything isas sweet and peaceful as this calm summer evening ?” Miss Breezy—* Yes, Mr. Romantic, they do: and yet I was just wondering how mother and the children are weathering it in Hoboken with the thermometer 95 in the shade.” COUNTRY JOURNALISM. Countrg editor—* James, how many copies are we printing now ?” Pressman—" Four hundred and fifty-one, sir.” Country editor—* Er-how many copies do we have left over every week ?” Pressman—" Oh, I don't think it will aver- age more than four hundred and sixty.” BOUND TO HAVE IT. Patron (impatiently)—** W> iter, waiter! bring me half a spring chicken nicely broiled, in a great hurry; I have but five minutes to spare.” Waiter—‘‘Can't doit inside of twenty minutes.” Patron (e Ni i I must kes an hour; hurry up.” a a SOMINERS THK PREVALENT ACHEME IN NEWSPAPER ADVEXTISIXG. same place and in the same condition)—" The beauteous sun floods the earth with a mantle of golden light, and over the dancing billows I see the shimmering rays as they glide and glisten of some lordly And, woe is me, Iam alone! valier bringing in his train a dog-cart, and all the paraphernalia of In my dreams of vacation, I dreamt nondescript yum-yum-ness, He cometh not, I say!” Thus idly rur Leave these stars to mean the profundity of fate. into each other's eyes, and are very, very much engaged. ating they drift together. . . . . . They have long since glanced NATHAN M. LEVY THAT ACCOUNTS FOR IT. An old-army officer to his man. “Thunder and lightning! hard boiled eggs again. How many times have I told you not to leave them in the water more than two minutes and a half?” “That's just what I did, general.” “Nonsense! Then they wouldn't be hard.” “They oughtn’t to be; but, general, I believe my watch runs a little slow.” NO BUSINESS DONE THERE. > sSubseription agent—" Does your husband take a daily paper, ma'am ¢” Woman—**No. John has never been addicted to it so far, and I don't think he wants to begin now. Good morning.” Partext—" Docthor, dors yez remimber th ghlass oye yotse was sellin’ me lasht Chuesda’t It don't wurruk roight. Oi was afther git tin’ a chinder in me other oye, an’ divil a Ving cud Ol see wid this wan,”