Judge — July 23, 1887 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

pears a picture of the stars and bars. We know of two or three editors who had their hair singed and their skins covered with tar for printing that picture some twenty years ago; but there has been much progress in art since then Mr. Sopranse of Bulgaria has come to be quite a noted person. SOME CHOICE INFORMATION, ‘ all the year round—T the Boston Adver- tiser has been sold again. WE HAVE OUR SUSPICIO to Chauncey M. Depew. For i st wouldn't he like to. be king of England ? as SoME DAY THE PRESS will have an article on the rise and fallof Dion Boucicault, and then Dion will be lost beyond redemp- tion. To G. C.—If you must write letters, your excellency, do it with invisible ink, and always burn before committing to the merciless mails. CIVILIZATION. The government of England having decreed that no woman shall appear on a public street after nine o'clock at night without un- dergoing arrest as a disreputable character, it only remains to appoint guardians for the unfortunate sex, to put them behind veils after the manner of the Turks, and to treat them in other respects as children and suspicious | liable to extreme danger the moment they are left at liberty cept yapple dumplin’s.” Hexry WarTerson says the battle-flag incident will give the president a renomination by acclamation, and probably to-morrow he will prophecy the resurrection of the late confederacy. JEFFERSON DAVIS MAKES public the alleged fact that several at- tempts were made during the war to assassinate him. We suspect this man of an ambition to rival Rider Haggard, and at his time of life that should not be. DULL TIMES. The week has been rather dull. For in- George W. Childs has not given any- ,000, and Mrs. Langtry has been so quiet that nobody could discuss so littlea thing as her complexion. IT IS ALLEGED that Victoria thought she would be assassinated on her state journey to Westminster abbey, and this accounts perhaps for the sweet smile she wore on that occasion. a is a woman, and she naturally wanted to ie pretty. YACHTS ARE BUILT principally for the pur- pose of drowning people. The reader will recall ad ppalling accidents that have happened yachts and those who occupied them. We shall never own a yacht. There are y easier and more economical methods of suicide. BUT HE RARELY PAILS. The chief purpose of the creation 8f the marquis de Leuville was to occupy the atten- tion of two continents, and if at times he fails tien EXASPERATING in that ambition he is extremely unhappy. \ CONTEMPORARY TELLS of a “highly de- «oman, ¥eloped and thoroughly established blonde” from Jerusalem who proposes to startle this Gowmthere = Waiter, you can bring me some terrapin stew and a bottle of yellow label.” ir, but dle freight train from Demmollico’s yaint kem in yet.en He (roaring with passion)" I tell you, madam, the brain of man averages more by two ounces than that of nd don’t you forget it" Sue (extremely calm)—" Get a stool andcome up in tothe higher atmosphere, William. 3 city as an actress, and as in addi- tion she has nine trunks she ought to succeed. Still, there is nothing said as to her menagerie and her damaged social reputa- tion. THERE 18 TALK of a New York newspaper to attend, among other things, to the interests of the new south. That is well. Now let us have a New Orleans, an At- lanta, a Charleston, and several other southern newspapers to attend to the interests of the new north, and all may yet be well. HIS SABLE MAJESTY. King Kalakaua has dismissed his dancing girls, has reorganized his cabinet in accordance with the demand of the revolutionists, has permitted himself to get sober after a long debauch, and is in sackcloth and a great state of fear in connection with the expected arrival home of Kapiolani. There has been a disposition to question alty on uccount of his color, but it is pretty evident that he has the requisite blue blood. He should therefore be permitted to retain his throne, subject only to the condition that he shall not sell it, no matter how great his impecuniosity, for less than five dollars. Two GuipEs AT the national capitol kissed that number of pretty Virginia girls against their will, and will accordingly be dismissed with ghoulish glee. Under the civil-service reform rules nohody has that privilege but Dan Lamont, and he only in the absence of Presi dent and Mrs. Cleveland. MR. CONKLI In Chicago the other day Roscoe Conkling appeared, according to the local chroniclers, without suspenders or vest. The JUDGE recog- nizes in this manly independence of Mr. Conkling a hot-weather criterion which it may be profitable to go by. Suspenders are an abomination, and the vest isa relic of barbar- ism. There is a great deal of talk as to the dress of woman, and the divided skirt, what- ever that may be, has taken up columns of the secular newspaper; but not one man has had the courage to protest against suspenders and vest, though every man has suffered from them, especially during the heated term, to the verge of distraction and the actual fact of profanity. The best dressed man lives away out west. Give him the boiled shirt, with a little jewelry, a decent neck-tie and a clean hide, and he ought to be fit for society. With a supposititious equipment of underwear, he stands forth, in pantaloons and coat, pretty much as the Lord made him and as comfortable as the season will permit. That is the kind of man the hand- somest man of his age is—-we refer to Mr. Conk- ling; and the proposition that he hasn't the money wherewith to purchase vest and sus- penders is cast aside with extreme scorn. THE Hos. WILLIAM NYE tells of “touching his hat with a well-bred air that would have fooled most anyone,” but exposes himself by showing that he did it to a person who appar- ently thought it an action due to eccentricity. We must not misplace good breeding, Wil- liam. There is not enough of it to go the entire rounds. COOLNESS. WHAT THE PRESIDENT wants to do is to add to every one of his communications the legend You look warm + Burn this letter.”