Judge — June 25, 1887 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sides PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. President © Wed, Aww Vice-President Haray K Hane Art Department Beaxaro Onan Faitor LM. Guzoony TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED RTATES AND CANADA, IN ADVANCE. ‘One copy one year,orStnumbers, . $40) Que copy six montha, or 38 numbers, . “Ein One copy tor 1S weeks 10 Single coples 10 centa each.” FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the pratal union, $54 yar THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (PotTeR BUILDING), Park Row, New York. 62> We guarantee advertisers a larger circulation at cheaper rates than any Amer- fean satirical paper published, Mr. Wittiam E. Cuan WE Salb IT WAS a good y that it is an ex: ER is the chiefest of the whistling buoys. ar to celebrate the Fourth. Let us add lent year not to do so. “NIAGARA FALLS ISN'T WHAT it used to be,” Express. By George! that’s the best news yet. says the Buffalo “FRANK HATTON I8 STILL opposed to Blaine,” saysa contemporary. Why doesn't James paint his face with tar oil, as Grover does ? Mr. MANNING RETURN! JuDGE begs to present Mr. Ch ‘with restored health and vigor. veland its warmest congratulations. ON WaLt street Jones remarked to Smith, ‘I keep a brokery.” “Well,” said Smith to Jones, ‘by heavens! I keep the first syllable of it.” IT SHOULD BE ENTERED upon the books of all the worlds to be created hereafter that they shall be made up of Junes, each twelve of them to runall the long year round. The GIVE US CRACKERS that won't explode, and fireworks that can’t be fired, and oratory that fails to orate, and let us have an old-fash- ioned Fourth-of July blow-out. A SUGGESTION THAT We have a ticket composed of the son of Lin- coln and the son of Hamlin strikes Murat Halstead as not striking. Ah but it is!—it is too deucedly strikin THERE CAN NEVER BE a commune here. Our agitators think suffi- ciently to indorse the good, old fashioned doctrine, every man for himself and the hindmost for Mephistopheles. THERE IS 80 MUCH DICTATION on the part of the knights of labor one organization to anothe tit looks as if thes would perish of their own excessive democracy ; and thus Providence protects us all. ~ IS THIS PROGRESS? When Victoria was consulted as to th : day she said energetically, “* Vich I doesn’t like it, an’ ‘Them trinkets isn't suited tome hage. Gimme a gold band or t but no hepelets. Ve positively draws the line at hepelets.” So the military wore all the hepelets that appeared in the procession, and yet they say this is the age of womanly progression. WHEN THEY HAD GoT a jury for Jacob Sharp all the birds sang the intelligence as the greatest discovery known to the existing tury. This shows how the world neglects to move. PORARY PRESENTS street-preaching as an antidote for our Sunday thirst, on the principle, we sup- get a hair dog that doesn’t bite PITTSBURG HAS BEEN three weeks without telephones, and still lives; but we must remem- ber that it has retained its nat- ural elements, such as soot, smoke, and the worst of all the manufactured beverages. HIS GUILTY CONSCIENCE. Cleveland while at Al- rding to the Elmira STANLEy— Eas ae Kelly's nine and the Giants.”* THE EMIN BEY RESCUE. Doctor, this is indeed a happy moment.” Right you are, Henry, Come to my arms, and tell me who's abead between telegram, chided the governor for his modesty in occupyin; smallest bed-room in the executive mansion, She : apparent that it was rather too much Jeffersonian simpli “(A DAY IN THE COUNTRY,” says a contemporary, ‘is datgh ti to city workers.” We have frequently thought of this; but there is the obvious and perhaps the inevitable failure to get the day and the city work together. . THE LATE LEGISLATIVE CALAMITY. The Republicans of the state waited and watched with hope, and yet disappointment, the purpose, if it had any, and the policy, if dis. coverable, of the responsible majority of the legislature, now fortu- nately dissolved into thin air. Except the Crosby bill, which was vetoed that its scalp might be hung as a proper Democratic trophy on the belt of Tammany, and the Vedder bill, which shared the same fate for the same purpose, no marked or important retormatory measure was proposed or passed. le subdued, were suppressed, jealousies, at once cheap and ridiculous, were yiven growth. Ambition, like that of Artemus War's regiment to bea body of brigadier-generals, frustrated concert and consistency of action, With the exception of a few men of marked experience or native 3 the legislature was hampered by the cords of envious colleagues. It was leaderless because it was headless. Equipped with suff purposeless capacity, opposed to a mediocre minority, it ne: allowed the Republican elephant to be trapped into a conspicuous enough stockade by the spear thrusts of a shrewd and audacious polit- ical driver. In fact the sluggish and cowed animal lifted up a howl of distress at the pelting of a “ peanut” as if it had been the shock of a thunderbolt. The five months of legislative parturition, the demon- strative throes of the Albany granite mountain, gave us a mouse, Petty enactments, trivial in import, solicitous mainly of some political propriation or commercial embar lative wisdom, Wrangles, which, w not at but sment, largely occupied the legis- With a rare opportunity to recognize a representation of important influential and deserving constituencies in Ricord and Colonel Grant, it dared not lift its confirming finger, because its hands were 1 * The senatorial Sinbad, ried the ‘old man of the mountain” » rode it to reach the fruit he could not gather for This would be a slim and shabby record, take it all in all, were it not in favorable contrast to a Democratic congress that did even less good and infinitely more mischief. led with political ** macaron choked and goaded, cowardly on its shoulders, w himself. ing book-agents five Jer will obse our thoughtfulness in reserving the publication of this information until after Mr. Wheeler's death. HEMP FOR THE TORIES. Mr. Parnell declines t the government the rope 1 sary to hang it. The dar that, having perfect. libe suicide, it will grow ration, and Jedd tor ture but have the torture fora longer time. That, howeve ally the only way, and the end will come—the end with the noose on it—in due season. THE LATE CHa made two fortunes and lost one. The other will doubtless last, with his trademark on it; but when such bright men get over there they must have to trim their for lack of a1 profitable o ation POSSIBLY HE WAS CAUGHT NAPPING. It is a curious fact that when Governor Hill asked Dan La- mont what he had caught the private secretary winked one of his eyes and said promptly. “A comicbooks.com