Judge — May 28, 1887 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Sage: JUDGE. PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. W. J. AwKeLL Haney KR. Hane Beuswann Oritam TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED ATATES AND CANADA, I ADVANCE, One cs She copy for weeks M.Oazoony ON PF site coples 10.ce FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—Tv all foreign countries in the postal un’ THE JUDGE PUBLISHING CoMPANy (Porter BUILDING), Park Row, New York, 2 We guarantee advertisers a larger cirewlation at cheaper rates than any Amer- fean sntirtent paper published. It 18 A Goop YEAR for a Fourth of July with a few speeches in it. ALbert Epwarp is getting tired, and frequently remarks that it never reigns but it pours. Tue way THAT H. WatTERSON says he loves the president and then whacks him is quite unique. As Dr. McGLynn will not go to Rome, it is understood to be the opinion at Rome that he had better go to Texas. To AN ESTEEMED CONTEMPORARY—Now that you are booming Coleman, what's the matter with Uncle Holman? Nobopy kNows WHAT has become of O'Donovan Rosser, but we suspect him in connection with the university of Virginia. THE QUEEN'S JUBILEE is the Irishman’s humiliation. Shall the good old lady live long enough to see this situation reversed? WE CANNOT BELIEVE that, as stated, the prince of Wales likes pork for breakfast. It is perhaps a typographical mistake. For pork read pie. THE OLDEST ANTI-POVERTY SOCIETY—The one that works pa- tiently, keeps sober, keeps a sharp look-out for the main chance, and never growls. WE ‘NOT BELIEVE George Jones's remark that Mr. Dana is a devil; but perhaps it might be well for Charles to take off his boots and show his hoofs. A FEW WORDS FROM LITTLE PHIL SHERIDAN have sent General Rosser on the jump back to the retirement from which he wishes he had never emerged. OF SIX MILLION WoMEN in Brazil only half a million can read and write. In Brazil, we imagine, it isn't dangerous for one to carry one’s letters in one’s pocket. A SEcRET socteTy in Eastman county, Texas, has for its object the making of everybody work. Heretofore nothing has worked in that locality but the beer. Avaustvs GARLAND says again that he is tired of public life; but surely there is considerable of a world outside of Washington, and he can buy a commutation ticket. THE PRESIDENT'S ADDRESS at the inauguration of the Garfield statue rather overshadowed that of Keifer; but we must remember that Keifer was handicapped by his unpopularity. IT 18 sTaTED that Chauncey M. Depew isa poorharp-player. Now that is quite impossible. If Chaun- cey plays the harp he draws from it only heavenly strains—unless, to be sure, it is a poor harp. It aprEaRs TO Us that bad ser- mons and being left by the cars ought to be subjected to high license, too; and then there are the church-bells which wake the suffering public too early in the morning. THE OTHER Day SI cock stopped in Albany a few hours, and the papers of the next morning credited him with an en- tire change in the British cabinet, which is going to occur in about three months. NATOR His- . THERE ARE MANY STORIES as to cyclones; but we believe the very reasonable one that a recent victim ‘Taaxp—* No, bom ; it's alive.” OPENING OF THE SEASON'S BUSINESS. Propareron— Great crickets ! Is it a dream Y" but of his entire hide, so that nothing was left of him but his bones and a few fragments of fingernail. His name? Not yet, pleas It will take him three weeks to grow his skin, and meanwhile he pivfers retirement. SULLIVAN BROKE HIS ARM and Dempsey has followed him in the experiment. Presently we shall hear of some statesman brea jaw-bone, and then perhaps there will be an an end to all the tional controversies. ¢ his sensa- ALL WHO VISITED THE CATTLE SHOW were pleased; but the weather was warm, and it seemed a pity that prize cows could give down nothing better than kumyss and milk straight. Still, the children and babes were satisfied. ONE LITTLE WORD TO CANADA. ‘We don't want to fight, But, by jingo! what are you, That you should have our fisheries, And our defaulters too? Epuunp YAaTEs says Geraldine Ulmar has the prettiest hand and neck of any lady he ever saw, and somebody ought to write a big vol- ume about them ; but if there is to be a volume it might be well to throw in the rest of the girl. Lyman BEECHER ONCE SAID that he got along well enough after he stopped trying to run the world; but it was noticeable that up tothe day of his death he went around with a sneer and a smirk bespeaking cynicism that refused to be comforted. THE BEGI OF THE END. The Standard oil company having been beaten in Buffalo and found guilty of conspiracy, there begins to be a hope that justice is one of the purposes of the law, after all. But the case will have to go through all the other courts, of course, and before the end of it the accusing parties may be exhausted, to say nothing of the other day of judgment. SOME INCONSISTENCY. There was a Democrat who talked for free trade, and the other Democrats in his bailiwick fell upon and kicked him to death. Was it because they didn’t believe in free trade too? Ah, no. It was be- cause they believed, with the convention in behalf of stealing hoi that a principle ought to be carried surreptitiously and as a something to be ashamed of. The only Democrat who talks what he believes is Sam Randall—and he isn’t a Democrat because he believes in protection. THERE IS A sTORY to the effect that young Mr. Roosevelt wants to be president. He will take the roundabout road. He started from the white house in 1880, and, calculating to go around the world in a leisurely manner, hopes to enter it at the rear in 1988, WE HAD BETTER HAVE A BLOW-OUT on the Fourth. It isn’t entirely necessary ; but as an escape-valve for patriotism, fear of attack by some foreign power, apprehension in connection with our absence of army and navy, and hope for a change ofauthority at Washington, it may save a good deal of damage. THE TYRANNY OF 1887. We have a bluelaw mayor. There is no law so bad that he doesn’t propose to execute it to the letter. Blackstone remarked, and Grant followed him, that the best way to secure the repeal of a bad enactment was to enforce it. That is bad judgment as well as bad law. There are scores of laws ‘on the books, passed scores of y ago, whose enforcement at this time would be the meanest tyranny. This blue-law mayor believes in all the tyranny he ex- ercises, It is as much a matter of conscience with him as it was with those puritans who pro- claimed the shame of women by the scarlet announcement of it. Nobody can question the right of conscience, but is a blue-law man fitted for the position of mayor of this great city ? Prorairror— How long have you been in here, you rascal !” ber—that was stripped not only of his clothes ‘Traur—" Ever since las’ Novem! io—nighta, an’ it's arful sweet an‘ snug.” THE JUDGE VERY READILY ac comicbooks.com