Judge — May 14, 1887 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AFTER THE BALL. “Tis after the ‘‘ ball,” oh ‘tis after the ** ball” ‘That men hug the lamp-post, or lean ‘gainst the wall. The pavement too narrow, they walk in the street, And in zig-zag fashion they drag their tired feet. From gutter to gutter they stag; ; ‘Sut houses continue to get in th And as they nod back to the telegraph poles ‘The roadway keeps rising and hitting their soles, While stoops and ash-barrels run over the road ‘to give them a good chance to rest the "Tis after the ** ball,” oh ‘tis after the grow bleared and their eyesight gets dim As weakness and rum sap the strength ; of each limb. They see snakes and things that they never had seen, And learn how mankind, when filled up, can careen. With money gone, swelled heads, and collars awry, With hat crushed, hair touseled, clothes torn, a black eye, A THORN IN THE FLESH. ‘St. Paul had his trials, as all of us have, And “a thorn in the flesh” he called nis, And the wise ones have tried ever since to define Just the literal meaning of this. But methinks the worst thorn that can fester and burn— I speak in a figurative way— Is the tongue of a fret, that can harrow the flesh More than Paul ever felt in his day. ANNA C. STARBUCK, 's stores as an article of diet, Artists and amateur photographers will be promptly shot on sight from her decks. On emering any port the Thistle will be wrapped in a huge bag from truck to kelson. Her model is also to be destroyed, and the mechanic . A nauseating and filthy smoke is vately murdered by a Chinaman > built her pri- also being devised in which she shall be continually enveloped, and which will choke any one to death who attempts to examine her. They reel on, with sodden br and minds befogged And by yelling urchins their footsteps are dogged. They hug the cold lamp-post, shriek, bellow and yell, A REMARKABLE SITUATION. Until the law's n At court the next morn they un And forfeit ten dollars for taking the * ball.” JUDGE'S CHARGE. ‘A PLEASING REFLECTON, ANYHOW. The Star tells that a blizzard got into its ink- stand. We don’t believe such a thing is possible, the capacity of the cavity mentioned being totally insufficient; but it may be admitted that if it were possible it would be a good place to house the blizzard and a good thing to squelch the fluid. ‘SOME COMING TOOTS. Having set Walt Whit- man’s jubilee ode to music, the composers will now go to work on Walt Whit: man’s poems, and will gradually ascend from them to Martin Tupper's philosophy and Mark Twain's warranty deed in blank verse. ALEXANDER THE GREAT. The late Alexander Mitchell once asked a man to join him in a specula- tion, The man refused, but some days thereafter Mr. Mitchell gave him a check for $30,000, remark- ing that that was his share of the profits, and adding, You thought you were ion leas them to a ce ingly call, A new view of the temperance problem comes in the petition of the women of West Fairview, Pa., that the prohibition existing there should give pl.ce to license, in order to keep their husbands at home. WBA METROPOLITAN CONVENIENCES, Deacow Gneexarete (fri fs in the bull of Podunk.” not in, but you were.” We have omit- entirely ted to make proper mention of the de- nen eat) —* Be gosh thar's more conveniences ‘round a York hotel than thar The husbands have had to travel two miles to a neighboring town to sat isfy their thirst, and that town has accordingly got their money as well us their company. One is struck by the thoughtful- ness of the women against the fatigue of the men; but, beyond this, suppose we had prohibition throughout the state and it were necessary to go to another state for bibulous consolation, with the in ter-state commerce 1: operation ? us the most startling of all recent proposi tions. THE BETTER WAY. The supreme court of Kansas has decided that when a woman marries she need not take her hus: band’s name unless she chooses. It would be about as reasonable to de- cide that she needn't take the husband. — Perhaps she had better decline his bed and board too. We do not suppose there is to be a social revolution as a result of this decision; but suppose, to make things she conclude not parture of Mr. Mitchell, He was the only man of his kind, and as such should have had a conspicuous obituary. We regret the oversight exceedingly. Take him for all in all, we ne‘er shall look upon his like again THAT AWFUL MYSTERY. The arrangements for securing secrecy in all that pertains to the Thistle are complete. The officers and crews are to be chosen from a deaf and dumb asylum, so they can communicate noth- ing. Tongue will not be allcwed in the to marry at all? THE PARTY OF THE COWARDS. It is proposed by the Saratogian that the Democracy, believing thoroughly in free trade, run their candidates next year on a free-trade platform. Now how absurd that is! The Democracy are afraid of nothing so much as the things in which they believe, and if they should win victory through a square, fair, open fight, that would frighten them more than anything else. comicbooks.com