Judge — April 30, 1887 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Stage: PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. President W. J. ARKELL Vice President Manny Rane a Art Department Pansiand GtLan path, ce 3 nea bere = 288 Bittor 1M. Guaoony wopies 10 cents each THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (PoTTER BUILDING), Park How New York. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED RTATES AXD CANADA, IN ADVANCE. One copy one year,orStnumbers, . $4 mnths, oF 3) numbers, 897- We guarantee advertisers a laryer circulation at cheaper rates than any Amer: fean satirical paper published D APPEAR that Governor Hill's chief desire is for a high- iefly given to no license at all. It wou license bill cl WE SHALL BEGIN to think directly that Sam Randall is a Demo- erat after all. For instance, he has the gout. It PAINS US TO THINK of John Most’s declaration, ‘‘I will die for socialism,” because he hasn't gone and done it. Avaustus GARLAND IS CREDITED with hooking the words ‘T still live;” but he can prove it and D, Webster can't. THERE 18 No ACTRESS Who doesn't suffer from stage fright. dear girls are afraid the paint may have given them a stub nose. The “WISDOM IS THE PRINCIPAL THING, bullhead luck and I'll get along well ei said Solomon. ‘Give me gh,” says Grover Cleveland. THE RETORT CoURTEOUS is a keen blade, and that little man of the state senate knows how to use it without injury to any portion of own cuticle. Boston DIDN'T APPRECIATE George Riddle as an actor, and quite naturally George looks upon it as the most atrocious conundrum ever perpetrated. So MANY ATTEMPTS on the life of the czar were made last week that there is doubt whether there will be fighting citizens enough left to go to war with, THF ARREST OF SUSPICIOUS PERSONS in con- nection with the Brooklyn murder having begun, only a very small portion of the Demo- cratic party will presently be found out of jail. Jake SHARP'S TIME is coming, Budget. Itis apparently a mysterious refer- ence to the centennial of Mr. Bartholdi’s Liberty; but what has Mr. Sharp to do with that? ays the Troy THE INTER-STATE COMMERCE BILL spikes inter- business very seriously, but perhaps we shall recover from it when the law is repealed. M vhile the traveling theatrical companies have good legs. “T KNoW NoT with whom she has been fa- miliar,” says the jealous young man of his changed, cold, contemplative sweetheart. ‘Ah! a thought strikes me. It must have been Wil- liam Kissane Rogers.” WE ARE REMINDED that Joshua is not Amos Blank Cummi middle name, for the rea- son that he commands the Sur to goon. It HIS FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH ELECTRIC LIGHT, Usctx Josn—"Gosh durn these new-fangled lamps! pected to make a Century agazine of the JUDGE by reviving the unpleasantnesses of Biblical tory. “WHAT WOULD you HAV nor Hill in one of his veto messages; and immediately the response came in thunder tones from every Democratic locality in the state—* Whisky and no trim. min’s.” THE QUESTION is revived, ‘Is the Sun a Democratic paper?” It seems odd. Now when people ask if Mr. Richard Fox's organ of Presbyterianism, of course there can only be the answer. aper is an firmative THE PROHIBITIONISTS OF MICHIGAN are so mad ai their recent fail- ure that they nt to arm themselves with muskets and shoot the populace; so that it might be well in behalf of temperance to prohibit gunpowder. It Is NOW REPORTED that there was no earthquake in Vermont after all—merely one of those cheap explosions. But if that is the case Uncle Edmunds must have been even angrier and more violent than has been suspected. THE POETRY OF FINANCE. There are women who think Mrs. Howe of Boston will be able some day to pay 500 per cent. a month on deposits and throw in-a bonnet every quarter. They can’t prove the proposition step by step and item by item, but we must have respect for the poetic principle which evolves the idea. And as soon as she is able to come before the public again Mrs. Howe, ably indorsed by Gail Hamilton, will show through the most convincing logic that it is not only possible but as easy as the combination that results in blackberry pie. y sermon. A man had spoken rudely and was rebuked by his companion...“ Assume a virtue,” said the latter in stern tones, “if you have to go into the family entrance and quarter of a dollar for it. A CONTEMPORARY SAYS the people are gradually getting the hang of Gree ther. It is an unavoidable necessity ; and we c: hope, in the interest of harmony, that they won't insist upon getting the hang of the gentleman himself. non! THE TWO sCHOOL-MADAMES of C! aqua who left seven pok decks behind them in hastily leaving the place last summer were pe haps accustomed to study the stars through that mysterious mediun and we must not forget that some good Christians assume to find sermons in poker as well as books in running brooks. KEIFER, IF WE MAY believe the Utica Herald, loaded for a two hours’ flight at the un- veiling of the Garfield statue, and the com- mittee shut him up to ten minutes. What horrible stupidity should have been given aflight lasting two s at least; then perhaps he wouldn't have been able to return. THE STRIPES OF A FRIEND are cruel, and the more so if he assumes friendliness the better to make them burt; and the references of Mr. Dana to Mr. Cleveland are models of tender ness with a holy desire of reformation in every shred of the braid and running thro stock like a leaven of pan-electric affection. WHAT THE BRIGADIER SHOULD DO. Little man Mahone is trying to reconstruct the Republican party of Virginia. It ought to occur to him that the best way to do that ii to remove himself from the v ity of that dissevered organization. Professional traitors are not reorganizers except by accident, and removal from the world for the world’s the noblest of Christianity and patriotism. i) 4y rod is ‘TAMES IS DOING WELL. Mr. Blaine is one of those live, active, ener- getic men who succumb to no small sickness. He can beat every ordinary affliction and give it points to begin with. During the late can- vass he was charged with Bright's disease, and has successfully overcome that; and ten years ago he had a case of sunstroke at a very criti- is a fairly good point; but we cannot be ex- ‘They ain't wuth a row of beans, Here I've wasted over a box of matches and the darned old thing won't light yet.” cal time that would have killed any other man. Probably the newspaper writers will give him comicbooks.com