Judge — April 23, 1887 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GFTTING BALD. my and a punster differ in the fact that one nd the What tribe did the Jew, Ann Fernandez, belong tot Our witty ancestors named the fume the civet eat pure fume, y of coal mi- Friday.—Exr change. ‘They probably knew that Robinson Crusoe was dead, How can prohibition pre vail when every druggist bottle of mu- Gilage with a stick in it? JOUN ALBRO. will wll you SAVED THEIR LIVES. Mr. Cutler recently had a yout on the sound on. One day the stwanl whispered thing in Mr. some- Cutler's ear, A passin led at once, aw famishing.” shouted Mr. C asthe boats came within usomething to keep us fror Within ten minutes the gig of the succoring yacht drew near and <I to the perishing crew fi etting bald! Ah! Scar thirty! Can it be? Greedily my comb each day Carries in its teeth away Precious locks. 1, as s Strive to win them back again. Here I have some carboline, Tonic made of kerosene, Iphur “for the scalp "—a bar, , vaseline, Tea of sage and fat of hen, Brine of ocean, doubly stout, Yet my hair is dropping out ! f ain do I apply The best bay rum wealth Massage is my cure of lat But the rubbing of my pate Only thins my locks the more. Vanish they which I adore! Presently Fm sure Twill Look quite like Gov, David Hill ALFRED APPLEBY. AITTLE POINTERS, uF pig looks m dying.” cases of champagne, ten THE SON OF THE “SUN.” The golden glory of ev- ening was fading from the windows of the great buildings in Printing- house square, when two office cats gazed down upon the eager crowds who were seeking enlight- enment from the Evening Sun. “ Amos,” said the elder, “you know my strict re- gand for the usages of good society. I have sent you out in proper evening dress, and I warn you to beware of the gaudiness and absurd padding of the vulgar, Their readers ask for mental food, and “Fear ni in my columns. ity who presides over the whit shall be amused b editorial page witticism a BAD FOR BOTH. thin, Mike: don't you feed it . Gut me memory’s ax poor as the pig! fidenti sof given a displayed advertisement.” responded the other movements of Bismarck to the latest dog: Il information, from the it, will be pithily set forth Bright eyes shall peruse the praises of the fair divin- house; and the dancedote, I shall aim to make my of the classies of the language, 3 ry man of business s yours already is Ah,” said the father, as his thoughts wandered to far-off Kentucky; ‘‘ Brother Henry, could you see. me now! Watterson I have got!” ‘Then he paused. “Amos?” “Yes, father.” “Always remember that I things a true Democrat “Yes, father “Then without doubt we willalways continue toshine for all.” AFRAID HE MIGHT LOSE IT. “What do you think of the present financial prob- lem ?” asked Cobwigger, try- ing to draw his friend out on his favorite topic. “Don't know anything about it,” was the astound: ing reply. “What xclaimed Cob- wigger im surprise: don't the papers ¢ ven't looked at one yonth.” that 7” **You see,” was the con- “T found a very valuable watch on the street a few and a tin box of crackers. ‘A STEREOTYPED QUESTION. “Will this article keep for anv length of time ?” asked the editor, turning over the sheets of the contribution. “Yes, it will be appropriate at any time,” retur FLATTERY, “You see it is entitled ‘The Present Financial Muddl CONGRATULATIONS. When my husband I wed, who was once your betrothed, d the author. ou may try every way, You'll find flattery don’t pay : If you flatter them all I thought no one could happier be : It will go to the wall : And how I exulted when kindly you came If you flatter but one To. congratulate ine! With the rest you're undone ; A year has passed by, and experience proves ‘That my marriage [bitterly rue : So forgive me and pity, as humbly T write Which is why T now vay That no flattery will p To congratulate you ! G. BINDSEYE. comicbooks.com