Judge, 1887-03-19 · page 7 of 16
Judge — March 19, 1887 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct satirical pieces typical of late-19th-century American humor magazines: **"French Without a Master"** mocks the genteel pretension of middle-class Americans eager to appear cultured. The testimonial satirizes both the self-satisfied language-learner and advertising claims, using broken French phrases to underscore that genuine sophistication cannot be purchased through mail-order courses. **"Snakes Alive!"** is an Irish-immigrant ethnic joke. McGinty, drunk on St. Patrick's Day, distributes snakes (from his drunken hallucinations) to various acquaintances—each assignment a satirical commentary on the recipient's character or status. The humor relies on Irish dialect stereotypes and contemporary urban Irish-American life. **"The Darktown Track"** uses racist caricature common to the era, mocking African American speech and betting culture. The dialect and imagery reflect deeply prejudiced entertainment conventions of the period. The smaller items ("Not to be Insulted," "A Very Human Child," "Would-be Suicide's Experience") are brief comedic sketches on vanity, children's frankness, and suicide.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FRENCH WITHOUT A MASTER. _A Testimonial Dear sir, I take my pen in hand totell you my delight ; Your “French with. out a Master” came six weeks ago to- night ; given it a thor- ough trial, ac- cording to re quest, And do not hesitate to say it far outshines the best. en Te No longer must I stare as I have stared in former days When cultured people spiced their talk with beautiful Francais ; xpress how proud I'll be, no matter if T try If any one “Ou * Parlez-vouz?" to answer back, Like all Frenchy things; I think there's nothing else that quite » fits one for a place among society's el te, And wondering strangers all admire the man and woman that _ Can read a hotel menu off with swiftnessand eclat, I feel my standing so advanced I think Ill have drop Young Tompkins’s attentions and inform him he's de trop. For I'm convinced a college man with glasses on his nose For one improved as I'm improved is far more apropos. I trust this hasty note of mine will be so well expressed. That it will show the public that I prize your volume est ; Yet if at any time you wish for further proof from me, Pray call upon Marie De Jones with perfect liberte! MRS, GEORGE ARCHIBALD. SNAKES ALIVE ! McGinty went out with the Brick-Bat Co- terie on St. Patrick’s eve. When he came home the next morning his wife said he had the rats, while McGinty swore he had the snakes. Neither was well up in zoology, but both were obsti- nate. Mrs. Me- Ginty, being the weaker vessel, was spilled; whereupon Mr. MeGinty set to work to rid him- self of the snakes. He had a fine as- sortment, and this is how he distrib- uted them his fri Paddy Byrne, the| itinerant peda- gogue, he gave an adder; to Miss Me- Gooley, the belle of Shantytown, he presented a pair of garter snakes; to Widow -Donan’s 1 he hand- ed a hoop snake; while to the bad ELDERLY PARTY , snake. boy who called him an Orangen he gave a little taste of black s1 O'Phelan, the ex-rebel and pension- hunter, got a copper-headed cobra. To the baby on the block was given a rattlesnake, and to his son Mike, who was rusticating for thirty days on the island, he sent a striped The viper went to Doc. Wilson. A green snake was used by McGinty himself as a substitute for a shamrock. When last seen the good man was in Newspaper row, trying to coax a sea serpent with a face like Ben Butler up to the snake editor of the Sun. NOT TO BE INSULTED. “Phut koind uf wine es thet yez | brung us?” indignantly exclaimed O'Driscoll. “Yellow label, sir,” said the waiter; ‘the best in the house.” “Yaller Labi exclaimed O'Driscoll in disgust; “does yer think Oi'm a son of a gun of an Orangeman? Bring me sum grane labil!” ‘A VERY HUMAN CHILD. Little girl, who has been dini out—" Mamma, I'm sorry to sa of 3 it pur friends, but really I think | those people are very ill-bred. Mamma (aghast) ~ mean?” L. G.—"T mean I had to ask four this noon ; tT mean! ‘A WOULD-BE SUICIDE'S EXPERIENCE. Dumont— This su it's cracked up to be,”* Pierce—"* How do you know?” . Dumont—"* Tried it once.” Pierce— You did? I never heard ide business Dumont—** Yes; I got tired of life, and so [ thought I'd starve myself to death “Well, what prevented you doing Dumont— eat something. The man who complains about th modations ona train should be made to ride on a bumper. THE DARKTOWN TRACK. “Whoa, dar! dy yoo ‘spose I'se agwine mine too, a racin’ wid dose professionuls ?” “Child, what do you BOOMING THE BUSINESS, Fiasu (hotel clerk | the first floor, Sullivan on the second, and a crazy n | aire on the third. Every room taken in consequence: CAUSE OF THE TROUB E. so runs the story, 1 to rid the emerald isle . and cover himself with glory. He drove the serpents many a inile Through smiling valleys, dismal marshes, ed each rock and trunk and root, But two old serpents from the grasses Escaped, and hid in Patrick's boot. PUGRASH. times for "WHAT HE HOPED. rn—* What was it that Fogg said to you i Boggs—* He said you were no better than about it.” ite” I got so beastly hungry I had to | you should be | Brown—" Well, T hope you told him I was, HE HAD NONE TO CARRY. In a German university. | Professor—“*I understand, Herr Schneider, that you have been fighting another duel.” Student—" Y. Herr Professor. Professor—"* Do you not know that dueling. is against the rules of the university? Student —* But, Herr Professor, I |didn’t receive a seratch, but inflict- ed seven. | Professor — “Bravo, Herr Schneider! your mathematics are excellent.” he accom The lone, unpro- tected female is mighty handy with tie rifle, e toe | t yoo break yoo neck an’