Judge — February 26, 1887 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

wiape: President ~ Vice: Preaident Art Department Paitor ~~ TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS UNITED STATES AND CANADA. 18) ADVANCE, One copy, one year, or numbers, - ‘One copy. six months, or 36 numbers, ‘One copy, for 13 weeks, Single coptes 10 centa each. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY, POTTER BUILDING, Park Row, New York, Mr. Bismarck 18 RIGHT. The way to have Wrat tis country needs most to think of is the noble art of coast defence. If APPEARS TO US that A. T. Rice nas made up his mind to defeat the honorable Michael Cregan. It 18 TRUE THAT WE haven't much of an army, but what is the use of an army as long as we have Senator Ingalls? ‘THE CHARGE THAT SPIES'S BROTHER is a big- amist will not hold. He is a bigamist only by and he must be punished in the same Ir 18 SUPERFLUOUS for the surface cars of several railroads to carry the legend ‘This is heated.” That, indeed, is likely to be the g that is the matter with them. “GIVE US FEWER BABIES!” exclaims the edi- tor of the Boston Herald in an article on the hard times. The mugwump wretch! We have had our eye on him for some time. Lucy Stone says this country will have a woman president in the year 2000; and we do bethink us that in that year several of the dear old girls will reach the eligible age. ‘THe MAINE LEGISLATURE has passed an act declaring the dog a domestic animal, the same to take effect immediately. The great trouble is, we suspect, that it took effect along time ago. FRENCHMEN IN A CROWD save their hats by lifting them on their canes. Judging from the average size of the Frenchman's hat, the canes over there must have mighty small heads. N and divorce are urgently necessary. It is a species of coast defence, with Canada near us, that cannot be provided for too soon or too elaborately. Ir 18 ESTIMATED by Sir William Thompson that the sun’s heat will last 10,000,000 years yet; but the man who worries will borrow | trouble about it just as if it would be exhausted | to-morrow. A RECENT STRUGGLE IN a newspape: office of | this city covered half the country witk most sanguinary advertising gore: and this is the more curious because the only thing wounded was a pair of spectacles. Wituias T. CoLeman of California having been nominated by the Sun for president, that effectually disposes of William. You might look for him with a search-warrant and he would never appear again. Sam Jones says the devil has a mortgage on the girls of Troy. We beg to congratulate his majesty; and at the same time he is likely to find himself in due season in the condition of the man who caught a starcher. A HAIR-RESTORATIVE MAN is going about re- marking, ‘‘This is the stuff that cured Gover- nor Hill.” We do not know that Grover Cleveland has any need of hair-restorative, but it wouldn't hurt him to try a couple of bottles of it. YRACUSE IS CREDITED by a contemporary with a federal senator and a revival. This really means a boom; and we understand the Herald of that place has a new subscriber, and a new brick house is going up on one of the outskirts. ‘THE CHIEF PURPOSE OF STRIKES appears to be to starve half to death, then to quarrel with the striking leaders, and then to go back to the old business on terms dictated by the employer. But, after all, that is not striking. That is foolishness. THERE 18 AN INVENTION which enables two persons to converse in whispers by telephone. Would it not be well to put Messrs. Blaine and Edmunds in immediate personal communica- tion? Though perhaps they needn't whisper —some hard thinking will do. ““WaLt WHITMAN MUST WRITE no more poetry,” says the Utica Observer. That paper might as well remark that « man must commit no more suicide. Mr. Whitman is guiltless, and so anybody will say who takes the pains to dissect his rhetorical cadavers, THE SENATE DECLARED with an air of ex- treme helplessness that it had no official in- formation regarding the color of Mr. Jim Matthews of Albany. Perhaps Mr. Matthews had better make a few inquiries. Peradven- ture he may be white, after all. “THE PRESIDENT SITs WITH his back to the scene,” says Henry Watterson. If this means that ihe gentleman is facing the audience, it is an unavoidable inference that he assumes to be the show, and in that case every blessed one of us is going to demand his money back. Mr. ConkLING says the press has accused him of everything but piracy on the high seas. This is grossly unjust. It is true that it charges him with the election of Grover Cleveland; but it frankly admits that, except as to his fluence in Oneida county, he proved an excep- tionally able alibi. A BACHELOR OF NEBRASKA CITY says the girls of his locality are so anxious to marry that a man with a face homely enough to dent a milkpan can get a dozen offers a day without | asking. We judge from his condition that countenance not only dents the pan but plows a hole right through IN CASE OF A WAR with Canada, asks the Albany Times, where shall a man go in onler to escape a draft? That is a leading question, certainly; but there is the precedent furnished by Mr. Clement Vallandigham, who was in open sympathy with the rebels in the late out. break. H’m! he died. Mr. PULITZER Was 0 agitated recently that he shrieked madly for two new presses and ordered his affidavit-slinger to put out two ad- ditional oaths perday. ‘The coast defences must and shall be preserved!” exclaimed Mr, Pulitzer, with some irrationality but great firmness of purpose and demeanor. ‘“THAT BUGBEAR SURPLUS!” exclaims the editor of the Buffalo Express. We know how to sympathize with him. Not a night do we sleep but our dreams are troubled lest some thoughtless burglar steal our surplus and go off and hang himself with the five feet of rope that it will buy as the wherewith to ease his disappointment. _ ‘THERE IS A UNITED STATES FORT at Oswego, and the Times-Express of that city says it propose any serious opposition to billy-goats, or nanny-goats either. Let them come, and they shall be welcomed, another distin- guished fire-eater once remarked, with bloods hands to hospitable graves, Mrs, Howe1is says her husband writes “as a man who saws wood.” The process is con. scientiously laborious for the writer; but how his hard work helps the reader, who peruses as a man whose amusement is finished and complete, and who need not lift his eyes in be- half of any trivial criticism. They say that genius has contempt for labor: but that is an unfrequent family disturbance, for labor gives genius all it has or can ever hope to win. MR. CLEVELAND'S OWN. Mr. Blaine, the Atlanta Constitution be- lieves, will in 1888 be relegated to a state of lingering obscurity. The Constitution is too kind. That state is hereby accredited to Mr. Cleveland by a very large majority, TT NEVER FAILS. It was the plan of the Sun, according to that journal, that won in 1884. It was likewise the Sun's plan that won in 1880, when, y remembered, Hancock was defeated. Nobody can question the originality of the Sun's pluns, and it is so odd that it should always win whether it manages to get there or not. AN OMINOUS OUTLOOK. A reporter wanted to ‘interview General Uncle Tecumseh in substance, and flush of wrath all over his countenance, “ I'll hit you with a club.” It is thought from this that offensive operations cannot be much longer delayed. HONOR TO GROVER! The president's veto of the dependent pen- sions bill is so good and so ably worded that the JupaE is half inclined to lay it to the in- spiration of the lady of his distinguished house. It is characteristic of the gentleman, however }—rather painfully so in the last paragraph, but which the civil-service commis they knew anything, would condemn as the most horrible grammar and the most wretched “comicbooks.com