Judge — February 12, 1887 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Siape: HOW ST. PATRICK BANISHED THE SNAKES. HEN Patrick, sainted by de- cree, First stepped his foot on Erin's shore, A cry went up from all the land That snakes ex- isted by the score. ‘At first he thought, and thought in vain, Of how this grievous plague to end; But soon he saw the reptile’s course To liquor stores did surely tend. Twas then the thought occurred to him That some men now on earth retain, Of how—in order to be good— One must from spirits atl abstain. So, throughout Ircland went forth ndate, cruel for a while, uught of liquors should be drunk By people of the emerald isle. Then soon the drunkards dis- Likewise the “‘tremens” and the “shakes”; And that’s the way St. Pat- rick used To banish and expel the “snakes A. HL ELLARD, HE SEES * EVANGEL GOOD old Deacon Brown whisked the dirt off his store-clothes with a han’ ful o’ hay and started for town to’tend the evangelists’ meet- in’. He saw a great sign board with staring red letters on it and spelled out as far as “ Evangel “Them’s ’em, he remarked to himself and fol- lowed the crowd. “Fifty cents !” said a man at the door. “Then you don't take up nocollec- tion ? Don’t pass no plate 7” “Fifty cents. Buy your ticket He entered the meetin’, Just th a maxi- mum of legs with a minimum of skirts was solo of devotion which paralyzed on Brown of Podunk. hat’s a scripter riddle,” said the good if it ain't a picter of the gal a dancin’ bef re old Herod. An’ she'll capter John the Baptist’s head, sarten. Great Scott ! but ain’t she cuttin’ up dreadful?” Good Deacon Brown of Podunk stayed through the meeting, but concluded to say not bout itat home. He has had light ziven him to see thatevangelist and ‘‘ Evange- line” are not the same sort: of thing, but he doesn’t feel at all equal to explaining the ditference. JOHN ALBRO. ‘A PECULIAR WALK. “Say, Mr. Snoggs,” said Tom- my, “what makes you walk differently from other men ?” “Oh, I don’t, Tommy.” “Yes, youdo. Pa says so, anyway.” “What did your father say about me ?” | “He told sister Emeline this morning that he had heard you were a very high stepper.” ‘A PROPER QUESTION. He—"Have you been tobog- ganing this winter ?” She—" Oh, yes, last Thursday | night. I got a rib dislocated and Uncle James had his teeth knocked out. I haven't had so much fun since Willie died.” He--** Er--excuse me, but did Master Will lose his life on the slide ?” __ ‘A MOMENTOUS QUESTION, Chicago clergyman — ‘Oh this terrible suspense !” Parishioner— ren't things going to suit you this winter ?” Chicago clergyman—" am losing heart. Parishioner thing to Chicago clergyman— er—can you tell me whether the ballet is coming here or going to skip us ?” Grace— Jack—* | kerchief, Jac! DRIVING A BARGAIN. Oh, dear, how awkward! I've forgotten my hand- Well, Grace, you may have mine, if you only promise me a kiss for a blow.” VIC'S RESOLVE. Queen Victoria— Tin tired of hearing of What can I do’ scandals among the nobility. to get rid of the: Adviser—" Well, your majesty, I would) involved to suggest transporting the persons Australia.” Queen Victoria—‘* Impossible 1 On second thought I'll go to Austi myself.” OH, THE POOR POET! “Did you read 1 Miss Cobwigger ?” asked Lorenzo Tubbs. “Yes,"she smiled, ‘and I thought it just) | splendid.” “Really ? Iwas not aware you were an ad- mirer of the muses.” “Indeed Iam. Longfellow all through. those verses that come on valentines.” ~WOMANLIKE, “Did you see that lovely valentine Miss Straightlace got ?” was the jealous reply, ‘but I hear Just think I'm that she is showing it toeveryone. of that ugly thing getting a valet sure she must have sent it herself.” ST. VALENTINE MAXIMS, A pretty girl is her ow ‘ine! valentine. Love's eyes soon detect the postman. The old flame once more begins to glow. The bashful lover begins once more to hope. It is agreat day for the anonymous libeler. A valentine means a great deal to the widow. Love has a great ing. ye for disguised hand- The lover who makes his proposal through a poem in the Zephyr, I have read Lucile and Ma was speaking about your poem last night, and I told her what a success you would make at writing valentine misses the pleasure of seeing his girl blush. The spiteful man can get a good deal of re- venge for a penny. The coquette never gets more than one valen- tine from the same person. There is nothing conservative about the valentine ; he is always an offensive partisan. JAMES JAY O'CONNELL. GIVING THEM A FAIR CHANCE, Pansox Jonxsos—“Ef any ob de brevren of my congregation suspicions me ob trifling wid de affections ob dere wives I hope dey will make an investigation ob de affair at once, so dat I may ‘clair myself ob de accusation.”