Judge — January 15, 1887 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Come, hubby, take me to the theatre to-night.” :— ‘Can't do it, I've only one ticket, and for us to economize now that we are married, core will be the ery and the play will run a thousaud and one nights without other souvenirs, J, WALDRON. _ PARTICULAR, “Tsay,” said the tramp to the housekeeper, “is there any liquor in this here mince pie ” this isa temperance household.” ~ Why didn’t you say so at first? Do you thing I want to get poisoned 2” ‘A MODEST REQUEST. Photographer (to sitter)—" You're sure the position you occupy now is the one you want ?” Sitter—* Yes, positive.” Photographer— ‘ Just to make double sure won't you come here and look in the camera and see ¢ HE EXTENDED HIS SYMPATHY, Rugby—" Ob, by the way, Henry, I've just received a large crayon of my mother-in-law. Come down and see it. It's a perfect speak- ing likeness.” Henry—* You have my sympathy, my dear fellow.” AN ASIDE. Stage manager—“* Mlle. de Perchong, allow me to call your attention to your part. After Alfred says, ‘You have treated me as no er woman has ever treated me,’ you heave a Mile, de Perchong—(tries it)—“"There, how'll that do? Stage manager —‘‘Not so loud; not so loud.” Mule. de Perchong—“Ah | you want it to be merely an a-sighed.” REMARKABL INDEED. “LT see” said Fogg, “that the newspaper Good bye, love. says the lifeless remains of old! Grimes were found in _ his| house.” “Well, there's nothing re- markable about that, is there ?” asked Fenderson. ‘No, but I was thinking how remarkable it would be if his re- mains hadn't been lifeless when found.” SOMETHING EXTRA GOOD. Blinks—Send me up some goods to-night, Peters, will you ¢, \I'm going to have some friends| in, and want something a little| extra.” Peters (a bar-tender)--'‘Some- thing a little extra, eh ?” | | Blinks— “ Yes; while you're} about it you may as well make jit about XXX-tra HE RELIED ON Bertie—** Say, Miss Pratt, it uncomfortable to have some- thing buzzing in your hat all the time ?” Miss Pratt—** Why, there isn’t anything buzzing in my. hat, Bertie.” Bertie—‘‘Yes, there is. Pasays| you've got a bee in your bonuet, | and its’ a good big one too.” AT MONTE CARLO. Alfred—*T'm ruined! Every cent I had is lost, and now there! is nothing to do but commit suicide.” Rudolph—“‘ Grant me one equest, Alfred !” | Alfred— Very well, but be brief.” | Rudolph—“Let it be suicide,” d it’s necessary, a newspaper NOT VERY COMPLIMENTARY, “I met that friend of yours to-day,” said a spendthrift, ‘‘and he was on a most glorious drunk.” “You must be mistaken,” was the reply, “for I never knew him to take anything.” “It's true enough,” reiterated the spend- thrift. ‘*He was displaying a roll of bills | and offered to lend me a hundred.” “If he did that,” replied the other, with | ja smile, ‘he must have been as full as a | tick.” PLY. “Come, student, lay aside your book And give yuur brains a holiday ! I've what will cheer you bravely. Look ! Tl read you from my latest play.” “No, gentle poet, not to-day ; Forgive my choice—all work no play!” an. | : AT THE Bones—"‘Do you know what a Caucasian is, Mr. Jones?” Interloeutor—““Certuinly, sir ; I am a Cauca- sian.” INSTRELS.. Sho !" | Intertoentor—“Yes, sir. Burnt-corka-sian !" HIS FICKLE JUDGMENT, Willie—* Mamma, you ain't going togive | all that chicken to Tommy, are you?” Mamma—" No, Willie dear; itis for you.” Willie—“ 0, what a little bit !” Bones— Wid dad brack face of yours? | ha | sure. bay eve and pay me that ten dollars if he was alive | —and he didn't come.” A HAND SQUEEZE. U met her in an omnibus One day upon Broadway; I noticed that her hair was brown And that her eyes were gray. She quietly sat down between A dude in brown and me. She had a soft chinchilla muff And smiled entrancingly. I thought I saw within her muff A dainty little hand, And there I quietly put inine— Just why you'll understand. I squeezed five dainty fingers soft And felt an answering squeeze; An cestacy ran through my veins As when one starts to sneeze. Just then the maiden moved and said “ really wish that you Would give me back my muff—that is, If you are fully through.” Oh, woe! I held the fingers of That wicked dude in brown. He saw my hand and thought it hers— We both felt broken down ! BRAINERD P, EMERY. THEY DON'T SHINE BOOTS THERE, Mother—* Well, Johnny, have you had a | good day ?” Bootblack—‘' No, mother, not very.” Mother—‘* Why, I thought there was going to be a lot of countrymen in town to day.” Bootblack—"‘ Well, so there was, mother; but they all happened to be from Boston.” A SURE SIGN “By the way, Fred, seen anything of Skinner tely 77 “Skinner? N My Are you sure he's dead? ens, old fellow! you don't When did it “When? Idon't know. Sure? Certainly I'm He said he would be at my place last Thurs