Judge — November 20, 1886 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE BU’STED MERCHANT. Oh, listen to the creditors throughout the livel As the clacking of their tongues weans hour by hour y the man that owes doth wish they'd take their leaves, While at his home and of h for settlement e'er yrieves, To change a prover Through bankrupt + Those bills will ne him when at last — r grind The debtor of the past.” THE GORMAND. I HAVE come to the conclusion that people with small brains are always hun Maybe, how th un, and derive a pe culiar pleasure in’ drilling with a knife and fork. The gormand belongs to that genus to which the philosopher gently hinted when he sought to discourage the manufacture of silk portmanteaus from the trian- wwe of the fe ‘y He is an inevitable and he illustrates plurality to such ana passing py eat for male swine. The feature in the tr: a degree as to deser notice. La ide any definite rules of dress for the dining room, it is not in good taste to imitate Raphael's cherub while waiting to be Why not, just as , tip back in the e against the table 2 Lsaw this done once, but the party Soup. —The table clown : He feels oblig outstart to consume the entire bill e is ne reason why he shouldn't have soup pt that he doesn’t know how to eat it, For tipping the plate to scrape out the last drop, jamming the spoon into his mouth till only the handle is visi- ning over as if East India these are not customs mized in polite society. ‘ish.—The table hh quin invariably orders fish. His determination to wreck the kitchen continues. Of course, the fish has bones, and of course he gets more or less of them into his mouth. observation would oceasi Soon an He invariahty eammencea ta eat the sup before it reaches his menith | How to remove them without exciting | 1a gentleman some concern; but the vulgar | worshiper of his stomach knows only enough to spit them out onto the table cloth, This he does with a most abominable splutte fol- lowed by inquiring glances at those about him to ascertain how man sympathizing observers had witnessed his narrow eseape from ble death. In some extreme edav n of the jaws with the ind ing mackerel rib } who do this are fe: Bread.—Now Persons to find a bone. It is in front of his neighbe He doesn't nd would risk a finge ie Wants some bread, all the servant and quietly ask him to pass the plate. Not he. It within reach. He can get it. tries. Result —the | lady sitting beside him finds | the food she is conveying to} her mouth rudely disjointed | from the fork and precipi- tated upon her silk dress. But Bobby gets his bread. His mouth is too full to admit of an apology if he knew enough to make one. He groans, grabs the menu and orders a roast. While the order is being executed the gormand makes a savage The garden rake wh.nitd atiraye stand beside his chai 0 that he may reach the bread without crertion, - makes the radishes run by About this time he and as he devours them you are reminded team, a napkin by the side of his plate. He has. handkerchief, so that the napkin becomes useful. h his order of roast the gormand receives a number of side ables, ete. At these he makes vigorous dashes with his The only u: 1s fora fork is to paddle the beef around in the dish of gravy and spear for the bread on the further side of the table. After the knife has done pr ice as a shovel, he assails the butter-dish with it, te the inexpressible disgust of the black man who stands behind his chair, But above and surpassing ‘all |the offensive actions of this intolerable creature is the disgusting noise he masticating his food. It reminds one of a company of cavalry cross- ing a marsh. You ca recall an instance of a person who eats with his knife that the above- named vice is not the crowning offence of tabl Dessert.—Does he have dessert ? and he wants a knife with it. with a fork? While he is wai White cating, he opens his mouth s0 wide that there t« anger that the back of his head will fail in Most certainly. Pie, of course, What could he possibly accomplish “for the pie to be brought he remem- bers that he hasn't tasted the pickle: Jaintily plucks one from: the jar with his fingers and it disappears with a sound resembling a goat chewing a cork-stopple. The pie is a little late, but the gormand | is a fairly good whistle » pie at length arrives. He cuts it with his knife, and by an adroit movement of the left forefin, st poking it onto the end of the bl Balanced with great approaches his mouth. Trouble be Invariably: the pi large to be easily handled; but by ntic effort, which is repeated long lasts, he perst to fall back, his mouth oy as to drive his eye-brows into the roots of his hair, and—the y s out of sight, but not so speedily out of hearing. Ices? Oh he partakes. Glad th “dish it out sarcers,” because it shov better. Nuts? Assuredly, cks them with his teeth. Mistakes the ¢ for a new-fan. gled ticket punch. Raisins? To be sure. The chances are he eats a pound; gets his teeth full of seeds; adjourns to the ot to ap lies with the clerk and pick his molars ¢ man whe con give him pointe on politeness with a jack-knife PRACTICING ECONOMY. Wife—“T thought we were to prac you say that you have just ondered Husband— “all right. months for his mor ice economy, my dear, and yet sixty-five dollar suit of clothes.” I shall make the tailor wai UNBECOMING PRIDE. “Since Alphonse won that hat and those cigars on the election he's got to be too proud to notice anybody.” comicbooks.com