Judge — November 20, 1886 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

H, true Progressiv Our new Adapting our 1 net's tail and livelier than flea stions, amplified, find welcome achines and ** sich Improving many a sharp de lopting with a whirl Political contrivances with many a kink and curl, And linking notions Noah taught before the deluge days With better fancies hatched and grown in various modern ways. The oldest knowledge in the world they harness up anew And train it with the latest colt, a team unique and true. as t at though they never use a nail in building up their towns? at though their men parade through life in Mother Hubbard gowns? What though offenders kill themselves to save the state expe re judicial sense ? of ch we from them might learn, ing what is worth the game from others in our turn. The Japs | valued truths picked up And our comme with them should work ali ve saved som al rule 1s and full of vim, they lead most useful lives ; rls become the best of wives. Their children, raised with care by hand upon the shingle plan, Know better than to strut and call their father * if they owned Japan in flab and flip y ct as if a mortgaged world they governed all the whil y grasp the duties of their lives without the useless frills, rn well the little that they eat, 1 ay their bills, But all the sv From top-ki y ise the sieves of common sense, and, sorting new and old, Toss off the cha i worthless dross and grapple to the gold. They poke about with thirsting souls, every modern Jap Stores up a stock of new ideas beneath his jaunty cap ; And ambling briskly to the front above the Orient worl: ir conquering banners yet may wave mphantly unfurles and And other barnacles, are led by brainy Jap- ane Our mighty nation well may own as broth- ers such as these. the Fortieth ward. Bill) vest, loud checked pantaloons | jand the nobbiest of Bowery derbies. He knows a good cigar when he sinells one and is |prominently spoken of for the congressional (24 WILE this branch of Nomination. BS J journalistic enter- f prise has gained gi popular our ee Darkhoss of we a whit Spread, the well-known Wall rator and capitalist, is nicknamed‘ Neckti mane by the humorous fellows on the stock e: nterprising COn-| change. When he bid up New England stoc semborarie: the last week he wore a green four-in-h UDGE does NOL PLO-| red stripes. the pose to be left. |board-room, Hast Friday, associates. street ope- The Rev. Dr. Sniff. much to the amusement of his well is at the Hoff- Sniffwell has a cock-eye, red The celebrated rand a square, pugilistie jaw, which re-|appear at the Academy ‘this winter, brushes minds one of John L. Sullivan. He uid to| his teeth regularly with soap and warm ¥ be a great favorite in high-chureh circles. | His wife. on the other hand, uses tooth-pow President O. B. Fossil, of the Thirteenth |r: It is said that the contest for the tooth- avenue university is winning high praise for brush in the morning is heard ‘all over his recent work on science and religion, Presi-| hotel. dent Fossil sports a tile of two seasons ago, wears boots, and his coat is frayed on the edges. man_ house. who will Loni Lunkhead, who arrived by Saturday steamer, uses silk only for his underwear. isan intimate friend of the prince of W: alee | One of the rising poli ians of this city is'and was kicked out of Hyde park a year ago nd with} wit of the! cravat for him| Our fashionable cir rdial reception. by Sir George Dedbeet. cles will give him ac John S. Boodle, the mayoralty, has an exqui te in gin fizzes. Blewsock, the prohibitionist candidate, is said by his intimate friends to prefer a sour mash, N the regular candidate for ‘A LAPSUS LINGUA. ou have been in the ministry ars, Dr, Summers ¢” Pastor— Eight years, Mr. De Jin De Jinks— And where did you s first pasturage was 2” De Jinks— | now how man; your FOUND WRITTEN IN AN ALBUM. * A woman is like an army—lost if she have ith the first lessons that we gain nee. As with our first white hairs, we don't care to keep them.” NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. “Jones, [ see you are drunk again. In these hard times too, You ought to remember that a dollar is a dollar now.” “Yes, domi ; but you haven't thought how—hic—drunk a man can get for a dollar now.” A CRAZY LOT. Friend (to young |ceed in convicting your Young lawyer igloomily)— quitted. Insanity did it.” end—* He never acted man Young lawyer— who were “Did you sue- 0; he was like a crazy He isn't. It’s the jury PROFESSIONAL MEN. “I take it, sir, that you are a professional * he said to his fellow passenger. “Tam glad to hear it, I'm a professional man myself, and I like to meet professional “ANEW | BOOK, Friend (to author)—"I hear you are out | with a new book? Author— Yes.” ‘Author—" . Friend—**Syria?) Why, great Scott, man! you don't know anything about Syria.” Author—"'T know it, but neither do my readers.” A HOPELESS CASE. * You have issued patents on face e presume,” said a man to one of tie offic’ Washington.” ve a patent cheek here I'd like to have you examine.” “Excuse me, but your case is hopeless. |Since the invention of newspapers there has never been anything new in the lineof cheek.” A PARA-DISE. the |