Judge — November 6, 1886 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

? Judge’s Charge. ‘WHY HE WAS SHREWD, A shrewd German married an armless woman, The intelligent reader will under- stand. She can't make pies. THE COURT'S WITHERS. It pains us to observe that the editor of the Saratoga Journal has resumed the fiendish personalities which made hi several years ago, evidently having forgotten his connection with the mysterious murder of Dr. Harvey Burdell, which a charitable public kindly consented to forget for a time—mark the words! fora time. Does the galled jade of the Saratoga Journal want to open up a disturbance, hey ¢ ELECTRICITY AS IT SHOULD BE. The electric boy that has been turned out by the glorious climate of California evidently represents a purpose on the part of nature to balance things. There has been a monopoly of the electrical element on the part of girls, and they have carried matters with a high hand. Their eyes have fired the imagination of the susceptible youth. They have touched his hand, and he has felt as if he were the vic- tim of an entire battery. They have visited his lips with their own, and have thus robbed him of his ambition and his usefulness. Night after night they have held him to an electric allegiance until the morning stars began to sing together, and thus unfitted him for the sterner duties of life. Turn about is fair play. Put the electric tyranny on the other side. One day, in a portion of the west where Indians congregate, they putan Indian’s hands to the wires of a battery and the savage danced with agitation and turned up the whites of his eyes with fear.‘ Whoopee!” he! shouted. ‘‘Stopee wagon! Stopee wagon!’ They let him go, and as he straightened out ibetter than noise. The gentle Fortescue and his fingers he remarked with intense disgust, Mr. Eaton tells of one funeral the only decent “Shoo fly! Heap dam!” head of hair at which belonged to the Let the electric boys increase and multiply. corpse. The electric girls have thus far created most of The court doesn’t know whether Mr. Eaton the protestation and the anathema. is bald-headed or not. If he is, he is obviously = an incompetent witness and his statistics are |not to be relied upon. However intellectual |the bald-headed man may be, his nature is eveecne naturally deceptive; and while he will not lie the gentlemanly Barrett took especial pains to). as to make the lie ‘apparent to the casual OUR ENGLISH VISITORS. Discretion in the matter of advertising is so notorious | COME to us unheralded further than their TepU-| observer, he will so twist his facts and his tation had done that little work in a perfectly| sonclusions that falsehood will be made to natural way, and they played to large houses| wear the hue and shape and have the quality throughout their engagements. Of course, | of demonstrated truth. The man of hair is there is small chance for comparison between naturally a bungler. When he does wrong Barrett and Fortescue, and still less between | ho is invariably caught at it. He is confiding them and the lady ut the Casino; but the|ang unsuspicious. ‘The roses in his cheeks loudness of the latter has produced barren | stay with him through his old age, and no financial results instead of the fortune that} oubled conscience writes wrinkles on his might have followed it a little while ago, and| on brow. He tries experiments of various the lesson involved in the contrast is worth | kinds with unquestioning confidence, and good deal of consideration. New York is not blushes to find that there is evil in them; but partial to the dime museum, and it does respect | his innocence of evil: purpose lifts him above good character and modest ways. Came-| a1) worry—he knows that his heart is true. ron cannot redeem herself he but Miss For- How did.that other man becomé bald? Be- tescue, notwithstanding her relations with a] 1: 3K von of the daysand mehts he has giv. titled ninny, became a prime favorite on her | 2K you of the days and mgh given first eppearance and has won new admirers| UD s2toousae a8 to the best methods of hypoc- Pabedan tie risy. Does his face wear a look of innocence yMBN and serenity? Yet is it not seamed and marked, as if a tortured conscience had thrown signals to the surface that it could bear no Virgil B. Eaton, writing for the Popular more? All these years he has labored to Science Monthly, says that baldness prevails enjoy the pleasing but forbidden things of most in the churches. The baldness of the this life, and at the same time show an unsus- orchestra chairs at theatres pretty nearly pecting world that his soul cared not for equals that of the churches; but there are re- them. It has been a weary and painful strug- markable differences there—for instance, the gle. It is that that has loosened the roots of decorous Judic draws 75 per cent. of baldness|his hair and given polish to his unblushing and the equally decorous ‘‘ Mikado” 60 per/crown. Consult the bald-headed man’s fam- cent.; King’s chapel, in Boston, draws 60 per ily. Enter into his thoughts. Find out cent.; Matthew Arnold 46 per cent.; the dime| where he goes nights. Then think of the un- museums 25 per cent., and a Sullivan exhibi-|utterable foolishness of the propos’ that tion only 12 per cent. Oddly enough, more-| nature disfigures him merely because he is over, baldness prevails largely at funerals, and good and intellectual. WHY MEN ARE BALD. Get out, Mr. A SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING. Vv. G. Eaton! Do not attempt to repeal the just judgment of the departed centuries. “CUP” SAYS Nine women out of ten wear | the posterior ap- | pendage called \3 bustle either on the port side or the starboard side, instead of | directly astern. | That for great and unlimited fun and unlim- | ited exhibitions of love-making the public parks Jand squares have no equals. CHARLEY STALE (tho has just told a funny story)—" Ha, ha! not such a had one—eh, c old boy MAN WITH staxp—* he s-t-n-u-t-s !” That some of the stores on Fourteenth street are sadly in need ofa first- class window- dresser.