Judge — October 30, 1886 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Her eyes are like an autumn sky— Now gray, now deepest blue; Her lips are like two cherries red, Just lightly touched with dew: Her fair cheeks blush with ruddy health, Her hair & burnished gold. She's gentle as a zephyr's breath And sixteen summers old. 0, no! I shall not marry her; Tamm not in her sphere. I'm but a brie tess barrister, While she, it's very clear, Is full a score of goddesses All gathered in a bunch— That cashier in the restaurant Down where I buy my lunch. CHARLES STORES WAYXE. THE SMALL BOY DREADFUL ON AN ERRAND. I sent little Willie the other day to the post-office after five postal cards and ten two-cent stamps. I told him I would give him five cents if he would hurry. He did. ‘That small boy hurried himself into and outof more scrapes during the next half hour than any boy I ever heard of. He didn’t expedite matters concerning my errand, but he upheld his end of deviltry in a manner most woeful to behold. He went straight to the post-office, he said, and got the postal cards and stamps. There hi irtues ended. The rest of wild career of a half hour of pandemonium commenced. Little Willie is a truthful boy and never fails to tell the truth—when pushed tothe wall. ‘ Well, ow could I help tie a tin can toa yeller dog's tail when the dog was a-wal blue-bottle fly trying to pull the wool over the spider, say ? The can was there, and so was the dog and a piece of twine. It was an orful mean yeller dog, that howls when folks is goin’ todie or has died or don't think ‘bout such things. I tied the can to the yeller dog’s tail id he only run a little bit but orful fast. The old woman what sells: wrinkled apples said she felt ashock like a yarthquake when a"bus-horse went helterty skilter against herstand and knocked her apples galley west. The dog didn’t eraw] under a stoop like any decent dog orter. He kept| dan old man who cai his boardin’ house sign under his vest run against the dog and fell through a milliner’s show-winder and raised a muss, Then the dog turned and run back over the old track, and when a po- POOR CHARLEY. Youna wire—' Won't Charley be surprised when he sees what a lovely pair of trousers I have made for him out of my old Mother Hubbard, »There is nothing like knowing how to economiz TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND. “Say, ma,” whispered a little girl in a railway train, “look at those two deaf mutes over there,” and she pomted to a lady and gen- tleman in the next seat who had not exchanged a word for overan hour.” | “Hush, my dear,” counseled her mother; “they are not deaf and dumb people—they are husband and wife.” HE WASN'T USED TO THAT. little different from those over ide?” asked a New Yorker of a lately-arrived Englishman.” “Aw, was the reply ; ‘especially the insolence of the lower classes. I had my hair trimmed this morning, and I noticed that the beastly barber first brushed the clippings off himself.” “T suppose you find our customs on the other liceman had woke up and put in his fine work onto the yeller dog you'd have thoughta cyclone had been on a jamboree, and I was there takin’ it all in, and here's your stamps, and I didn't buy the postals ‘cause you said I could have| five cents. I said] I got ‘em but I] didn't.” H. 8, KELLER. MAKING SURE OF IT. An Irishman, having occasion to rise very early, thus solilo- quized : “Bedad, Oi'll not go to bed at all, at all, an’ thin Oil be sure to wake up in toime,” Buxco max—' How do you do, Mr. Brown? I haven't seen you for a year or more ; how are all the folks up wit RUNG UP. ‘A VALUABLE TIP, “That's a nice trick you played me,” said ayouhg benedict ina chiding tone to his theatrical friend. LAB ¢ thought you said that. minister of yours would mar. ry us cheap. The old beggar braced me for twenty dollars.” “Hang ital !” |was the reply ; “T forgot to give you the You |should have said you were one of the profession, jand you would have got whole- |sale rates.” The ignorant man, who doesn't know how to write, always makes his mark Faraer—“ All alive and kicking. ‘ing-a-ling !" [makes gle in this wor