Judge — October 2, 1886 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘A COMPROMISE. Tomm Little pound ‘of s nine o'clock. get half a pound if he hurried. TOUCHING TRIBUTE. * Poor Charley !” weeping widow, sce him again. He's gone to bh ven if anybody ever has gone there, But he’s at peace at last.” sobbed the THE USUAL RESULT. “1 hope you are all agreed ‘about the bequests,” said a lawyer D of the mourners. Yes,” was the determined re- ply; “we have agreed to contest the will.” MARRIAGE, Alas! how quickly changes we perceive When marriage opes our eyes with magic Refore. now but little, much believe: But after—believe too little, know too. much, BIRDSEYE, AN OSSIANIC WAIL. O star that shineth on me in O apy my eye and fi ters! sweet is thy 1 ning lovelin Allah Bism: be thine, and thine forever, if thou'lt be mine and thine hun. dred thousand shekels. O, bosh! pter far than t brood o'er sian gardens. OGemini! thy nose is a hummer. Thy chin is | dimpled as the rose, if it has a dimple. Thy voice is sweet as the boom of the zumbooruk, O Webster's unabridged, page 1,538 in my edition! Thy walk is no slouch of a walk, and do not fe it. Under thy window, where the bulbul languisheth, string In light guitar—I string my guitar—er—er—and thou shower- | est down upon me a grateful bounty of variegated dish-water, So doth my heaven-born min- strelsy thrive us the plant in the | Tidbits told his. mother, who wanted him to go fora that he hadn't! time to do it and get to school by | But he'd have time to | sighte A TALE OF PATIENCE AND A HAPPY THOUGHT. I shall never 4 desert that for rain- ater. O Sahara, O Sars Fire minutes for intermission ant repairs The fact is I am very near- and I was about to pop in plain English fashion when my eyeglasses broke and my. little romance was spoiled. NATHAN M. LEVY, SOME FEMININE CONSISTENCY. Amy to Mamie (on street car) “Did you see that great, horrid, mean woman next me refuse to move up to let me sitdown? T just took to standing on her toes, and she managed to find a pl— O Mamie, spread your skirts out quick or that ugly man will sit | down there and crowd us to death.” ‘A SURE TEST. to read you my ida young writer to his friend, “if you don’t think it would bore “Is it someth very good 7” Yes, I thought so; but all the | publishers have declined it on then. If that’s the case it must be a good one.” ‘A POOR CRITERION. “Is thisa sample of your work ?” | ng you consider | ing of building : DISCRETION. Said Tom, when kicked And valor seemned to lack, Am n't hel What's done behind his hack." THE DIFFERENCE. © Doctor, this differe “Twixt you and me, look as I will : When [treat you I pay the bill [pay the bill when you treat me. WHAT MUST IT HAVE BEEN. She— Henry, have you seen my bathing suit ? He—" Yes; I put a paper weight jon it, or it would have blown ont of | the window.” How he got the calf to market. said a gentleman who was think: | house. “If it is I can't say I'think much of it.” But you must take into con- sideration, sir,” returned the builder, ** that this govern: ment job, and we e: | a contract fo build it over again , in a year or so.” DOING VERY WELL. “Look here, Jake,” said a gen- tleman to his Teutonic friend; | “you shouldn't keep your chil- dren penned up in this close tene- ment all summer. A few weeks in the country would do them a ent!” said | in amazem Mine Gott, ; you snould see de abbetite dey haf got alretty.” HAD HIM DOWN FINE. “I hear old Merritt’s son has | turned out a worthless fellow,” | said the grocer, slipping a rotten | apple into the measure ‘one of those dudes.” said Mrs. Pugwash, ing the apple for a good most of the young nts his pa- rents to support him. * And doesn’t he ever try to do She—*No; I mean my thin one,” anything for himself ¢" grocer incredulously. “No, indeed,” was the repl. “he’s never ready to help himself except at meal times.” asked the DEFENDING HIS REPUTATION, “Tm afraid that son of mine will bring my gray hairs in sor. row to the grave, if I liveso long. said a lady to some sympathetic friend. * Don’t be afrai young hopeful, poking in at the door. have that happen I'll take your hair out of the drawer some night and burn it up.” NOT VERY COMPLIMENTARY. “1 hope ou, daughter doesn’t said a lady to her ng her “Not at all, ma’am; not all,” was the bluff reply; “I’m used to that. The family next door to us has just had twins.” The violinist is always up to his chin in business The man who isn’t able to e1 a joke is the first toe nut” at everyth & comicbooks.com