Judge — September 11, 1886 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The stealing of Alexander of Bulgaria was grand larcency, and if the thieves are not pun- ished there will be such a compounding of crime that it ought to upset the peace of Europe. The gun-Powderly plot was half as mean as that of the late Mr. Fawkes. We have had a Democratic administration less than two years, and already this country has had one of the most alarming earthquakes of recent periods. They have what they call heated tern the regions of the unblest ; but the theatrical openings of those places are generally post- poned until they have passed by. The court is not aware that the average theatrical patrons of those regions are away at the watering-places during those terms, for Lazarus is not numer- ous and his ability as a bearer of consolation is not recorded ; but they do understand the little matter of propriety, and no enterprising manager is going to open his exhibition en- tirely to wilted shirt-front and exhausted na- ture. We do those things better here, of course ; but of late years the latter part of August and a considerable portion of September are the very warmest of our annual punishment. ‘The frequent separations between Lilian and Solomon show apparently that the mother-in- law is the wiser man, Mr. Burckhart, one of the victims of the ill with a pen- he snow by I am dying All T possess to you, d God bless you.” ‘That will ought to be as binding as it would be if clothed Il the legal phraseology known to Doctors Commons.—New York World. Surely it ought to be. And if it is we shall havea valuable precedent. Every wealthy man will k what todo when he wants to die. He will go to the Matterhorn, provided vith a pencil and a card, and, freezing to death, will have the satisfaction of knowing that he will die happy because there can be no quarrel over his final testament. The court starts for the Matterhorn to-morrow. It may be sweet toxperish for one’s country, but the knowledge that one's relatives cannot quarrel over his dis- position of his own property has its recompense too. | A Boston newspaper cries out that the ladies are ‘* wearing laundered shirt-fronts and stand- up collars, after the manner of men, and are even indulging in cravats and_ scarf-pins.’ There is nothing improper in this, so far as looks are concerned. It will be awkward, however, for the male friends and relatives of the ladies who so array themselves. No two ladies ever lived together without stealing from each other right and left. There are certain expressions that are current between them at all hours of the day and night, and sometimes are provocative of bad feeling. u've been hooking my hair-pins) again,” 's one. “Hannah, what did you want to take all of my handkerchiefs for ?” says the other. “Eliza, I don't thank you for appropriating my powder so freely, so there now !” “Ann, it is so provoking in you to put on my best silk stockings when you know that I want to use them myself.” And presently there are tears and reports of outraged confidence to other parties ; and there follows the eternal separation which lasts three days. If, now, women get to adopting the garments of their husbands and brothers the, latter will find themselves subjected to much additional expense and occasionally very awk- wardly situated. It is not the pleasantest thing in the world to awake to the knowledge that there is noclean shirt ready for occupancy, that the supply of handkerchief has run out, that such little trifles as are necessary to acom- | plete toilet have mysteriously disappeared, that one’s coat is not to be found, and perad- venture that his trousers are missing. One cannot go down town without these things un- less he is extremely indifferent to public opin- ion ; and if be remain at home as a matter of necessity it suddenly transpires that, be it ever princely, there's no place half as mean as it is. This is not to say, of course, that the woman isgiven tostealing. She is thoroughly honest and good. But she borrows and she never returns except by accident, and this pro- pensity is so natural to her that it can never be displaced. No; the woman must not adopt men’s garments. The court decrees this with the utmost of its authority. ‘We are not satisfied,” remarked a speech- pmaker at a trade-union meeting. ‘‘ We must strike.” The proposition was received with cheers, and then the question was put, ‘* How shall we go about it ¢” “Oh,” said the speaker, ‘in the usual way. We'll commence by pounding a horse and then we'll murder a few tailors and knock |down every THE JUDGE'S LUNCH. Some one asks the difference between Marga- ret Mather’s Juliet and that of Mrs. Yeamans, j About 3,100 miles as we go to press. It isn't the size or quantity of fish that is making the eyes of the country look askance at Mrs. Cleveland; it’s the question whether the wife of the president of this republic has her hip-pocket loaded with the regulation bait. It is not a breach af confidence for us to remark that ‘‘ Josephine Sold by Her Sisters” is to be followed by another operatic eccen- tricity in the shape of ‘Glycerine Sold by the Yard.” “ Tommy Yanked by His Pa” is also in process of construction. Henry Irving was initiated into the myster- ies of the telephone before he left. He only got as far, however, as ‘* Hel-lauh, hel-lauh; hel-lauh, I seh!” when the falsetto voice of the central office informed him that she was a lady and didn’t care who “knowed” it, and that she wasn't there to be sworn at by no man, and if he wanted the Law wire he could |goto Harlem and hunt for it. Lots of people who have seen him are will- ing to get right up and shout that Lawrence Barrett is playing at the Star theatre in New York, yet a Philadelphia justice has just given \him ten days in jail for drunkenness; and in spite of incontrovertible proof that Mary Anderson is in Europe, Chicago and St. Louis have within the past month convicted her six | times of drunkenness, four times of burglary, | five times of assault and battery, and twice of ‘ill-treating her children. Unless this thing is stopped we'll have the pilgrim fathers exe- cuted. for treason and the statue of liberty evicted for non-payment of rent. The very innocent girl knows the most. comicbooks.com