Judge — August 28, 1886 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

a faint-hearted lad To the belle of the ball, “ If only Thad The choosing from all, in sight, A lad Not far fro And here he took fright At expression denied. But again he essayed His enchantment to tell ; And said to t He thought her the belle. “ But what is the use As the finger she held iorn when engaged. CHICAGO INNOCENCE. A New Yorker, returning from his western ranch after an absence of some months, reached | Chicago, and was surprised to find the new hansoms in use. Hailing one, he was driven | to his hotel, and alighting asked : “ How much ¢” y cents, sir.” ap that the New Yorker asked, tips here there ha This was so cl “Do you ha “Oh, no ; n't any of us tipped sfact. The gentle- man who presents it is willing to vouch for its truth. If anybody doesn't care to believe it, however, let us remind him that it's a free country and he needn't.—Ed.} A lawyer was grumbling about a client who had not paid him properly for defending a | cosmetiques ¢” |*Confound the fellow!” he sa “Twon the suit for him, and all Igot for it was \the farm itself. "| eamay, ide FEMININE AMENI XE AMENITIES, | Miss Smith (to Mr. Brown's fi- ance) “ How very patient you | are, dear, about Mr. Brown's ab- sorption in that| pretty, captivating Miss Simpson.” “Ah, love, how much more comforta- ble I'd be if I could persuade him to pay his attentions to you ?” the maid Old beauty (to young one)— charmingly your new maid docs hair. She makes it look as if you had quite a good suit.” Young beauty (to old one)—‘* Yes ou know she was in your service once, nd wigs give a hairdresser such good | practice. “How pretty your eyes are when you make them up—where do you get your “0, mine is only a retail place ; but T} daresay you could renew your supply by buying out any wholesale dealer. “Yes, I have completely cut Mr. De- Boogle. He treated me shamefully. You know that engagement he made to take me to Coney Island? Well, he did not come for me at all. “Yes ; but that was the day you ran away from him anyway—wasn’t it ?—and went to Long Branch with that lovely Colonel Cross.” “O yes; I wasn’t going with him, but I took suit against the title of a farm the client owned. | * 4 MOTHERLY VISIT. “Shure, Jimmy, ut's th’ harrud 2 Here rope fer ty © the flur been aft ullin’ an’ shtrainin’ minutes, an’ ivil the ind av ut ‘Il the greatest pains coaching the servant on a story to tell him. I left word I had a slight head- ache, but he, the ugly thing! just wrote a note that he could not come, |and did not bother himself to fix up the least little polite fib for me.” First actress (to second actress)\— | “0, but if you go into comic opera | ing tights ?” Second actress (to first)—‘* But didn't I tell you I was going to visit some society people at Newport this summer ? and after I've been bathing im the new-fashioned suits that all the swell girls are wearing there now, of course I won't mind a little -opera ti ‘A SEASONABLE ILLNESS. A piousold lady met her minister the other day and became quite solic- |itous about his health, as he was look- ing very poorly. ““Yes, my good woman,” responded the minister in a sanctimonious tone “T always feel myself run down this time of the year.” “But I suppose, sir, you put your trust in God and are perfectly re- signed 7” ‘| “No, surpri replied the minister with on inet ng candor, ‘I can't say Ido, kim out Tramp— to him, little sg Lr Tramp—“ No, stories,” won't you feel dreadfully about wear- | because God doesn’t interfere in such | “You going to take your father's dinner TILE Gi you ain't; little girls shouldn't tell matters. But tion will n am hoping that th ke up away on a vacatio saath ngrega- POPULAR SUPERSTITIONS, little purse and send me If you sing before breakfast you'll ery before supper. Persons who never eat supper are let out of this d If you cut bur nails er sneeze on Saturday you do it for evil. This ought to be an awful ning for people not to cut their sneeze on this day, _ Dreaming of muddy or rushing water | brings trouble. Those who dream about ler will do well to see that it takes on | neither of these features. If you cannot make up a handsome bed | your husband will have a homely nose; but, then, don't be discouraged. If he's any’ kind | of a man he'll get a new one. Stub your right toe, you are going where u are wanted; your left, where you a ‘anted; both, and you will go where you don't want to—on the ground. his seldom fails. | If the rooster crows on the fence the | will be fair; ifon the doorstep he will bi | company. If he crows loudly you may know he’s out of the woods and has a good pair of lungs. _ She who takes the last stitch at a quilting will be the first to marry. The only place where this fails is where no young man _pro- poses. Young men would, therefore, do well to ascertain statistics concerning quilting bees before running their heads into the noose. OxoNOE D. CRITTENDEN. Prof, Doremua on Tollet Soaps: om have demonstrated that a PERFECTLY pure toap may be made." I therefore, cordially commend to tales anu ‘the com: munity (a general the oyment of your pure’ La Betle* totlet ap over any adulterated article Cuas. & Hoon “a Bette” Rovgte Toner Sour, Being made from cholcest stock, with m large) of Gtycnune, is opectally adapted Tor Tolle, Bativand infants comicbooks.com