Judge — August 21, 1886 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

They are not even remotely connected with the lot countenance, to William Jones, subject. The man whointerrupts must be put) who chanced to witness the down- out.” fall. They put him out. ‘‘Old man,” they said,| ‘* Hello!” cried William. as he patiently turned his face to the outer| you come to fall that way darkness, ‘are you the bull of Bashan, or Dan-| And John Merry, readjusting him. iel in the lion’s den, or a late importation in/self, answered coolly, ‘‘ Notwith- swathes from the country of the Pharaohs ? Or | standing,” and passed on. has there been a resurrection and didyoucome| William Jones laughed, for he from one of our local graves ?” saw the joke. He had often wished He only turned and went deep into the dark-|to make a joke himself and felt that ness; and as he disappeared, the sphinx-like|this was his opportunity. So he sobriety of his countenance preserved to the ut-| went gayly along until he met a termost lineament as they last looked therein, |quartette of acquaintances, ‘‘ Morn. there came back to them in fragments on the| ing,” he said, ‘‘ Did you hear what a sighing winds the words, in shrill tones, ‘ Hoo-| fall John Merry got just now ?” ray—fer—James—Bookanin !” “Why, no. “Merciful heaven !” exclaimed they one to/ fall 7” “ Nevertheless,” replied William another, “it must have been the Veteran Observer.” Jones, smiling, and then, seeing blank looks and no smiles on the faces before him, he realized with sorrow how miserably he had failed as a punster, MRS. GEORGE ARCHIBALD. THE EDITOR'S EXPLANATION, “ Why?” queried she with wondering phiz, “Tell me the reason if you can, sir— Why is it Doctor Thaddeus is So good a doctor—good a dancer 7” “I think,” he said, “an editor can To your hard question give the answer. | He learned to heal, the medicine man— | He learned toe heel and made a dancer.” | MRS, GEORGE ARCHIBALD, THE STOLEN JOKE A WESTERN VENUS. EXTRACT FROM THE DIARY OF GUSTAVUS SINGLE- TON, ESQ., OF LONDON. Saturday, April 1st.—We are at last on our way to Chicago. I have just left a most lovely young lady who has done me the honor to take lunch with me. Her language was! | somewhat queer, but her looks would shame the houris of paradise. Fair Primarily it was a banana peel that caused William Jones to hate himself and to resolve he would never again seek applause as a wit. For John Merry, passing down to business one| hair frizzed over her forehead, a deli- morning, fellon that banana peel, and losing |cately cut profile, and such a figure! his hat in the encounter exhibited his bald|I offered her a paper, as I saw she pate for a moment, and also a surprised state | was alone, which she accepted with OZONE DIET. fine in these parts.” How'd he come to[ AN ACCOMMODATING HELPMATE. Wire (to husband, who is waiting tosteady up)—“ Say, Gus, if you're going to spend the rest of the night there here is your nightshirt and a pillow, I will throw you a bowl and pitcher in the morning.” a sweet smile, saying, ‘‘I guess you hail from the other side, don’t you?” I did not know what side she meant, and instead of replying in the vernacular, ‘You bet!” I blushed assent. I then made some remark about the landscape and drew attention to the lovely mountains in the distance, to which she replied pettishly, ‘‘Oh, shoot the mountains!” Feeling rather abashed, I ventured to suggest by way of change, ‘They are just going to put on a restaurant car.” That fetched her atonce. ‘Golly! ain't I glad? I'm well nigh grub-struck.” I at once asked her to lunch and the angel rapturously assented. (Is the way to a western maiden’s heart through her stomach f) At table I found some difficulty in placing my feet, and imagining there must be a gripsack under the table I quietly looked down and saw the space was fully occupied by a pair of feet—and such feet! I told my angel that my mother-in-law was just dead, that the cat had fits, that the gas was escaping. I paid my five- dollar bill with a ten-dollar note and rushed panting to the smoking-car. Oh, mother dear! why was I born to be so disenchanted? “NO AVARICE FOR HIM. ‘A father whose speculations as a banker would not’all stand the scrutiny of a strict investigation was lecturing his son, who seemed to have a decided talent for the dolce far niente. “Come, my good fellow, pray do some. thing—no matter what, but something. It does so annoy me to see you standing around with your hands in your pockets.” “Well, pop, isn’t that being a little too avaricious ¢ Farmer—“ You'll find the air might; Boanben—“ Well, wo don't get anyth fine at twelve dollars a week !” ing else here, and it ought to be mighty You certainly can't expect me to follow your illustrious example and always have mine in those of other people.” comicbooks.com