Judge — August 14, 1886 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HE CHANGED HIS MIND. we recommend them to each and all of our |trons. N. B.—Parties |luring them must pay their fines, The bureau has also Jan org. nized stall of gentlemen w ride | around all day in pub- | vehicles and discuss | in loud tones the mer- its of our patrons. La- s or gentlemen de- | ng to have their} | names placed upon this | list can do so at the low figure of $1 per week. Special brands of vertising on applica i |tion. Respectfully, P. ABRAHAM Jacobs. Colonel Jacobs also —— —s forms me that he has ‘A DUDE'S VACATION. a large number of con- | . tracts upon his books, | DETONES (rapturously)——"T saay, chappie : WALTER 8 MenpHy, had an awful jolly time. Just got back from : \Newport, you know. I did nothing but row THE CoRREcT THING, _| the gals about, swing the scups for them, climb w fe _,, trees for cherries, and lots of other things. It , WESTERN AMATEUR | was q most awful nice vacation, my boy.” Dosson (who has come hither to horsewhip the editor, but is somewhat | TENNIS PLAYE 1!) Mernirr (lightly)—* You are somewhat of a appalled at his size)—* Are you the editor that wrote the article about J. | Suppose to do this in | ps radox, I see.” style, Miss Pease, we |" pejoxes (surprised)— Paradox | How is jought to have tennis |io¢ chappie ?” MERRITT (summing up)—‘* Why, you have ee a great novelty and _THE WT. The merry mot goes cheerily Around the circle gay, Until the rafters echo back The badinage at play. The clinking goblets clini: anew, The wine is free as air ; They drink a toast unto the vine And seal the compact there, They're waiting now the merriest Of all the jolly clan, A noted wit whose paragraphs Have tickled many a man. They call on him, he silent is And unresponsive sits, A block of clay, and quiet-like J mong the festive wits. No speech he gives, but only serawls Like one in sadness sunk— And on the paper is his mot : “Excuse me, [am drunk Hi, 8. KELLER, Eprror—** Yes,” Dossow. Well—er—hum. W. ‘here's a horsewhip I found on your pavement, I thought perhaps it belonged to you.” suits made.” _ _ _____ | Miss Pease— Yes, | tone more work while on your vacation than that would bethe thing. A NOVEL THEATRICAL BUREAU, ) What woutd you suggest as a good eostunne £2 | eve" knew you to perform before.” WESTERN AMATEUR T' PLAYE Well, | The suspicious man always suspects his My old friend, Colonel Abe Jacobs, late man- | I’m going to get some knickerbockei neighbor of having his own faults. ager of Jagsey’s Swinging Angels and Masta- | ——-—— = don Mastanese company, recently opened an THE HUNTER HUNTED. office on the square. Below will be found a copy of the circular which he kindly for- wards me, and which the ladies of the profes- sion, especially, will do well to clip for future reference: THE DIPLOMATIC BUREAU. P. Abraham Jacobs, Proprietor and Chief Manager. TO THE PROFESSION: The undersigned has opened the diplomatic bureau for the purpose- of promoting select modes of theatrical adver- tising. A full staff of trained burglars will be found on hand at all hours of the day and night. La- dies or gentlemen desiring their apartments broken into, or wishing to be garroted on the public thoroughfares and robbed of their dia- | monds and other valuables, can obtain esti- mates by addressing this office ;_ with full par- ticulars as to how they desire the job done. Any lady desiring to publicly cowhide a gen- tleman can be furnished with a subject by the diplomatic bureau. Terms, sixty cents per hour. At an enormous salary we have secured the exclusive services of ‘‘ Butcher” Fagin, the ¢ J renowned pugilist and man-eater. He will TASS NU MY lay for and interview theatrical editors and SM yey, PY critics any time between 11 p. m. and daylight, fal i y with either hard gloves or brass knuckles, ac- e cording to the option of our patrons. i Gentlemen to faint and shriek for water (or beer) at a thrilling epoch of a performance can be furnished at reasonable rates. Attached to our staff are two Wall street brokers in reduced circumstances, These gen- tlemen will fight six rounds at any hour or at any place. Posing as rivals for the hand of Srowrsaax-—"* Any shooting around here ?" sir-ce! It's an actress in a jolice court, we guarantee them Farmer—* Yes, ! he boss place for shooting. Three men shot yesterday, twoto-day, at least a column in all the daily papers. They | so far, and you will be the third if you don't mosey out of my clover patch.” comicbooks.com