Judge — August 7, 1886 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE. Hubert Thompson was one of the men who thought Uncle Sammy was not too old or too feeble, but he has got there too. And these words are frequently heard in plaintive tones ity of Greystone: there before I do Thave not got through.” “If you Just tell Henry Watterson says Lord Randolph Churchill is popular because he abuses the Americans. Inasmuch as Randy doesn’t have his ears boxed as a habitual thing we don’t believe this; and indeed it is known that he frequently quotes these words, and not on compulsion either: “Mid England's old families though you may roam, Be she ever so foreign, there’s none like Jerome." Eliza Archard, who made a very saucy speech against men before Sorosis some time ago, now declares that men wear corsets and that she recently saw a man tryin vain to pick up a dime which he had dropped. Nothing could show more effectively the absence of the power of analyzation which characterizes Mrs. Archard’s supercilious and infernally unjust sex, Adime was it? Huh! whocares foradime? “In intellect how like a god!” exclaim the old eulogies of the universal man ; and here is this Mrs. Archard expecting that magnifi- cent being to bend his lofty superiority to the cheap desire of possessing a contemptible bit of paltry currency. Things that crawl are adapted to the absorption of dimes. The amount is fitted to thei ir appreciation, and has been good enough besides to bring itself aroiind within their reach. dime! Ten insuffer- able pennies! By heavens! the logical de- duction which woman thrusts aside as dross is greatenough to fill the skull of Yorick and set iton a pedestal to serve the world as king. There are a thousand reasons why men shouldn't pick up dimes, whether they wear corsets or not. There is the loss of time in- volved in the foolishness. There is the awk- wardness of the exercise. There is the fact that there is no call for such exertion. There is the humiliation of doubling one’s self up after the manner of an ordinary acrobat. There is the disarrangement of one’s shirt-front, espe- cially if the dime exhibit itself on a warm day. There is the inevitable robbery of the needy person who goes about searching for dimes as his only means to bread and butter. And there be times, look ye here, come up and be- hold, Mrs, Archard ! when, though all corsets be things belonging solely to the heavenly bodies or having no existence whatever, it is a deuced sight easier to get down to a contempt- ible dime—and the same may be a double— than to get back to the erect nobility with lifted chin and bulging breast. They call it Mrs. Archanl—vertigo. Wee: n get along with our newspapers pretty well. They are not all that the average citizen, who isa very wise man, would make them ; but when they send poor children out into the country for weeks of frolic, and give poor working-women days at the seaside, they pro- vide acharming disguise for their multitude of sins, Compensation is an absolutely necessity. Men are so constructed that if you do one of them a favor out of pure good will he thinks you a fool ; or if he suspects a motive that he con't prove he charges you with gross decep- ception ; or if he imagines a bribe without the ability to mention the service desired he abuses you like a pickpocket. Dollar for dollar is the correct business and social principle. That ex- plains itself, and good will died one day and has ever since been an angel in heaven. A very large portion of the seaside letters and engravings of the daily press relates to bathing and the women who bathe. The court observes. this with genuine pleasure, for the proper study of mankind is woman ; but the artistic mind is grieved when it sees, day after day, the same woman carrying around the same kind of leg, as if there were but one of her and but one of the innumerable continuations and extremities whereof the poet has discoursed in tuneful numbers since the poet's tune began. Probably there is but one artist, but surely he should adapt himself to his subject and not expect the subject to adapt itself to him. This | leg is always dressed in black stocking. It i: is| graceful enough, and its amplitude has the sufficiency that is gratifying with the delicacy that is naturally expected. It is well enough ele i] Oto Ick CREAM JoKE—“Oh, kind Mr. Funny itor! do not drag me forth—remember my r once in a way, but there is such a thing as a surfeit. One tires of it. One becomes so ac- \customed to it that he looks afar off whei is near by. One says as he glances at his favorite sheet, ‘‘ Good gracious ! there is that / intolerable leg again.” One asks himself, ‘‘ Is - it possible that of the hundreds of fair bathers pictured by this artist each has the same pecu- liarity of leg, the same curves and outlines, the same blemish at the knee and the appa- rent spavin near the ankle, and thatall of them are given with fatal excessiveness to black stocking ? Were these legs taken on the spot ? Is there nothing new in leg under the sun ? It seems to the court that one of the most elo- quent of thecomponent A DIFFERENCE WITH A DISTINCTION. parts of woman, each individual leg havi Ride 4 a language and beauty of its own, is greatly scandalized by this newspaper artist. Would he in giving countenances make every face alike? Would he in present. ing trees give each tree a certain number of leaves, a like num. ber of branches, and the identical curves in one that he gives toanother ? The court has sickened of this leg. It is a hollow mockery, It is pre- sented for lascivious purposes rather than out of respect for art. Possibly it is a rep- resentative leg, but nevertheless it is mis- erably stuffed with sawdust, mma,” said “Thave eaten my cake all up, and Charles hasn't touched his yet. Won't you make him share with me so as to teach him to be generous ?” First ciip— My father never gets trusted for anything.” SECOND CHILD (with pity" Don't he? My father gets trusted all over.” What is unnecessary should never be used. comicbooks.com