Judge — July 24, 1886 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

to save expinse at the weddin’. ‘He said they would lave the church doore an’ go off for an afternoon's frolic to his uncle’s in the country, amatter o’ tin mile. He planned very nicely consitherin’, Well, a wheen of us gathered up sleds (it was as cowld a day as I iver experi- nced) an’ some wint in buggies, Santy, the moment they were mar- ried, shot out to the country to make ready for us, The road we traveled made ivery bone in my body ache. Body 0’ me, sich a place as the uncle’s was! Shure the shingles looked as if they were takin’ wings, an’ the cracks betune | ! the logs were so big you could fling your hat through thim ! Santy met us at the doore wi’ his coat off. ‘Hurry, byes,” sez he; ‘pit yer horses up an’ come to din- ner. Shure, it’s ashamed I am, but uncle's away and I've had to attind to ivirything.” “What odds, so ye've something to fill our stomachs?” says the widdee. ‘ An empty stomach needs no cookin’; come on, byes!” In we wint, an’ there in the mid- dle o’ the table was a keg—I'm tell- in’ the blessid truth!—a keg filled wi’ buckwheat cakes the thickness o’ sole leather. Sorra the thing more was there. The widdee, who had a quare look in her sound eye, cocked her head on one side. “Iv ye'll be tellin’ me where the butther is I'll mebbe help ye.” “Is it butther ye want {” says Santy, turnin’ from the griddle an’ ’ a shovelful o° cakes into the keg. ‘*Shure the cakes are well greased. I greased ivery wan o’ thim well wi’ lard. Fall on, byes— fall on; don't let thim cool. “Tiver heard the McGuires were so mane they'd stint a robin o’ a grain o' wheat,” says the widdee scornfully. “The McGuires never got into any throuble «meddlin’ wi’ their neighbors’ sheep,” says Santy. “There niver was a McGuire fit to clane a Moloney’s shoes,” says the widdee. “The Moloneys were mostly barefoot as far as I could see,” says Santy. “Come, I’m goin’ home. follee me.” And wid that the widdee whirled about an’ ivery wan ov us follied her home, where we'd lashins to drink an’ ate to burstin’. Is it live wi’ | him? Man alive! she r let him pit nose or fut in her house. Didn't I tell ye he was born to bad luck ? All that wants a sup to ate an’ drink will Statistics, unless they lie as usual, proved that Brigham Young lacked only 120 wives of being as wise a man as Solomon. Whenever our magazine poets say anything very ridiculous they al. ways put an exclamation point after it. OPTICAL WEATHER REPORT. JUD | What GE. FASHION AND FOLLY. Cosr oF ATTIRE py) Ara elo izeh'2.r09 Diraefpmnag See Prats Wuliirn' 1400. ise esl a2 Vode Cour” $007 Di dp Drlbm re Dts Adtrran’ 5S ii Let ladies please swear to the cost of their costumes before entering the ball room, and then perhaps we may believe those exaggerated accounts in the newspapers. ON THE BEACH. Oh, waves that beat against the shore; Oh, foam-capped waves that come and go ; Oh, crested waves that ebb and flow, ist you're singing ever more? My feelings are atune to-day With your weird, wild and pl Your inaddened dart that throw: The beach the showers of sparkling spray. On Coney Isle the singing throng, With rush and jostle, laugh and play, In mad abandon swing and sway, And with the wave I'm swept along. I wander sad, dejected here ; Of all my shekels I'm bereft; I have not e’en a nickel left To buy a glass of so-called beer. HARRY J, SHELLMAN, ‘A MARKED RESEMBLANCE. A gentleman was introducing a young lawyer, a friend of his, at an evening party. “T beg leave to present to you my friend Mr. Barrington, the hope of the bar—the Demosthenes of the future.” The “hope of the bar” stammered out some complimentary common- places and disappeared. The lady to whom he had been presented re- marked : “Tt was cruel of you to introduce that young man as Demosthenes ; he stutters terribly.” “Notat all! He iss Demosthenes—only he has not yet tried the pebbles.” 4 NO RESURRECTION NOW. The conversation had turned in a newspaper office on the resurrection of Lazarus. “We shall not see any repetitions of this miracle in our day,” re. marked some one. “No, indeed,” replied Dr. X., who was present. has made too much progress for that.” _ A CONSIDERATE HUSBAND. ‘Tompkins, who had been taking a day off in East New York and en- joying the fine spring weather, was seized with the pangs of hunger. Entering a cheap restaurant, he discovered that the bill of fare com- menced and ended with a single cutlet, ‘Medical science “ But what will my wife cat ?” the thoughtful husband at once asked. comicbooks.com