Judge — July 24, 1886 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE. 5 A RETURN CALL. Joxes (to dunner)}—* Ah, call again.” I don’t like the idea of call often.” #8 (serenely)}—“ Quite natural—wait until I call on you.” Jow OUR LATER AESOP. THE PARTIES WHO ARE KNOCKED OUT. A Laborer who had refused to work because he could not get such Pay as he thought was proper proclaimed in a loud voice that who- ever should take the job would have his Head Broken. A man with a Starving Family eagerly sought the place, and the Fight that| ensued resulted in his Death. Thereupon the| s arrested and was finally Hanged, so that there were two Starving Families where there had been but one before ; and at the same time the Company which had employed the Laborer suffered severely because the vork ii tion was not done. ‘Thus we complacently remarked Labor and Capital in one and thesame Breath, ul we didn’t Sacrifice anything to get it “No,” feebly said the two Starving nilies just previous to their dying, breaking into the Growls sent out by certain Stock- holders; “you preserved your Dignified Mean- ness and your Bloated Self-Importance admir- ably, notwithstanding the strongest tempta- tion to compromise and have Peace ; and of course the lives and happiness of such as we| are matters of very little consequence.” Moral | —We must consider but one Side of a Case and we must preserve our Ri; ctate if we Break our Necks. OUT OF HER SPHERE. A Young Woman endeavored to Educate herself so as to be able to play Base Ball, and in the first throw of the ball put a Finger out! most destroying an Observer's Nose. Pausing to rearrange her for the First Buse, but was Put Out; — whereupon she declared that she had never observed such Rudeness before, burst into tears, and called loudly upon John, her Young Man, to Lick tho Umpire.‘ My dear,” said John, putting his arm about her Waist, lifting her off the Diamond, and placing her on a Seat among the Spectators, “you have the Rudiments of the game at your Tongue’s end; but you must be tired and I guess I'll play out your Hand.” Presently it was announced that her Side had Won, and hstanding her injuries she clapped her hands Glecfully, and ¢: vi “Yes,” said John, v ciously at the Umpire, “you are entitled to all the Credit. We did some of the playing, but you have all the bruises and they are the larger portion of the game.” Moral—When wo- men enter into the Pursuits ptter adapted to men they had better do so by Substitute. It is not so fatiguing, and in the Long Run they are Sure to get the Money anyhow. THE DAIRY QUESTION. A Youth of Tender Suscepti- es called on a pretty Milk- maid, and the Andor of his De- votion to her was so apparent that it made her Mother Suspicious. ‘* My Child,” said the Old it is now time to milk the Cows and you had better not delay those exercises any Longe! “Dear Mother,” said the pretty Milkmaid, apparently very much astonished, ling on you so milks Cows at that Hour, The milking was done at sundown and the cows are resting.” hair, she started deliberately! “it is twelve o'clock at night and nobody | “Tallude,” said the Mother sharply, ‘to the milking of the Morning,” and she gave the Youth of Tender Susceptibilities a meaning Glance. “I believe I Catch On” was the prompt reply of the latter as he seized his hat. “T could not know the Milking Business better if I were a little matter of Veal myself.” Moral—The quality of motherly Mercy and Suspicion is generally strained. GLADSTONE. Defeated 1 What is defeat, great heart, to thee ? Tis endomement of a mighty aim, ‘The storm that xwells the harvest yet to be, ‘The blaxt that higher fans the sacred flame. For such defeat we smaller men would die And yield our useless lives without a xigh, In the hot streets before a jeering crowd A man falls fainting “neath a shower of stones. ‘The cries, **O, fool ! O, mnadman * echo loud ‘And drown his panting sigh and ‘The crowd disper, content to see him dead, Forgetting there till live the words he said. ck with creaking wheels tears limb from limb eating victim dying obslurat ¢ pall of death falls over hi And tyrants find a limit to their hate, Strange none can see thelr rack has failed to tear ‘The new-born principle made holy there. ‘The faygots piles a ‘Are fanned to fla Fools! Shajl the blawom bar the coming seed, ‘Or early waves keep back the flowing tide, Or envious glow-worms may the lightning’s peed, Or nists of morning noonday’s sunlight hide * ‘Truth never yet was ripe, and will not be— Her vast proportions span eternity. Anil all of these, the racked, the stoned, the burned, Upon the shores of time were higher waves ‘That, high earvering, older shore-lines spurned To mark an era with their sacred graves Too late a garland, column, of a crown Adorus @ name the world has trampled down, A. T, WORDEN, ‘A PUOR EXCUSE. Busi AN (to literary Bohemian)—‘* How is it that all you authors are so improvident and always run in debt ¢” Bonemian (in extenuation)—“* Why, you see, my boy, ours is about the only business where credit counts for more than cash.” int and shattered a large pane of glass in ighboring House. ‘‘ That's a Foul,” she ager to show her knowledge of the Game; | izing a Bat she Struck Out with great! Force, the Blow by some mischance nearly dislocating her Shoulder and the flying Bat al-| COURT JOURNAL. “Sleep,” says John . Sullivat wy waste of tim be wide awake is a far greater waste of itm your case, Mr. Sul Without his slang, remarks the Buffalo Express, Sam Jones would be uninterest- ing. It is not Mr. Jones's province, we think, to tickle souls, but to save them. “Our most charm- ing and intelligent women,” says acor- respondent, “turn snobs when they reach London.” This is the thing called a paradox. Nocharm- ing and intelligent woman in this world was ever a snob, comicbooks.com