Judge — July 17, 1886 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE. THE REWARD OF CHARITY—1. ae NN SELP-DENYING MAN—‘ It’s warm and I'm thirsty, but I guess I'll deny myself and give this nickel tothe blind man.” BRIEFS FROM OLD CHOCOLATE. My goat am bettah en yo’ cow, Sympathy er soothin’ ez balsam, an’ doan’ cost a cent. | All de su'mons you | kin preach won't sat-| isfy de mawgagee ez long ez fo'closin’ am lawful. Nebbah git hol’ ob de wrong eand ob a rope on de theory dat yo" kin han’-ovah-han’ toe de right eand. Some folks ah lucky nuff toe'cotch ‘possum wid a bass drum. ‘J. A. WALDRON, | Experience costsmore, _ BLIND MA! cheaper in the long that he had been arrested for beating the father superior of his order with a table-leg. A physician testified that he had made a post mortem and found that the woman had died of poison similar to that in a vial found in the reporter's pocket. Mr. Hammer proved the physician to be a fool and threatened to have him expelled from the county medical society. The prosecution closed. Timothy Flogg testified in his own defense that when he reached the sick woman's room in Battle alley, on the night of the tragedy, the priest was there before him, and that he saw the priest administer the poison, and did not know that the vial had been put in his pocket until after his arrest. The other three reporters corroborated Flogg in every detail, and two of them swore that they s t put the vial in the reporter's pocket, he was aching up to a shelf to take down a promis- ing-looking bottle. Before the last of the three had finished his . testimony the spectators in the court-room, headed by the judge and aided by THE REWARD OF CHARITY—2. PEE Aww * By jiminy! that ere nickel was a bonanza to a than advico, but it is, thirsty devil like me. run, seek THE RULING PASSION. A newly-married couple were strolling through a pazaar. “Supposing I should buy a eane,” said the husband. “A cane’t” rejoined the evil-minded clerk. “A nice thing to start housekeeping with, I must confess.” ‘A GEOMETRICAL JOKE, “Well, now Mary. the cook, has left us,” said she in deep distress, ‘‘and what sort of a shape are we in now ” “In theshape of a polygon,” he responded | with great glee, for he was a paragrapher and had never got off a good thing so impromptu before.” IT WOULD HAVE TO STOP THEN. Bertre—“ Pa, when I grow upcan I wear pants ¢” Papa—“ Yes, Bertie; that is—er—er before marriage.” For Nan's a hake A drygoods clerklet fain to try To make her life the gladder. How hand to woo the balm of sleep Within my garret, and to weep Against her hostile feeling ; To dream her tears bedew my face But find them rain-drops out of place And falling through the ceiling! If I did die befor the morn, She'd rue the day that abe was born And hush her grief to prakse me : Wonld call herself a" flirt,” a * beast,” And with a bucketful of yeast Would then esxay to raise me. She'd doubtless ride at And drive the rig oF 801 (truly fear ate She'd eat her humble p And place above my he Of monumenta! biscuit. Come, Cupid ! on the counter sit Or just above the crullers flit, S Whiche'er may sult your fancy : the jury, rushed upon the unfortu- nate priest and hanged him from. one of the court-room windows. Timothy Flogg was at once made managing editor of the newspaper upon which he had been employed; but when the other three report- ers asked him for situations in view of their services this austere moralist replied : », [should not dare to place positions of trust men whom I have known to perjure themselves as you have done.” All four have probably drank themselves to death before now, LACKED THE EXPERIENCE. ‘A lawyer in a criminal case was advising his chent. “A full confession will alone save you—entire frankness is your last resort.” “You don't know what you're talkingabout,” retorted the prisoner, ‘*and how should you t You haven't been through the police court once yet, and I (with a self-satisfied smirk) have been sentenced eleven times. You may have the theory all torights, my boy, but I’ve got the practice.” NOT A RARE OCCURRENCE. A domestic lockout. Shoot deftly, so that she may bake wedding-cake ill, from Naney.”* DEWITT KERRY. ‘AT SUNRISE. Over the green grass wet with dew, Lightly tripping, a maklen flew, Eyes alight with the gleam of lovo And the golden sunlight fair above. Now she xtops, Dainty Ainge Plucking a “If you would bel You never should be so sweet !"* she said. | Over the flekis, with a sturdy stride, | A yeoman stepped to the maiden’s side, And over the cheeks that flushed so red, With a tender amile, he bent his head And his arm stole gently ‘round her there, While the nosegay fell to the ground unseen And the song birds warbled a xprightller air, For be kissed her a hundred times, I w “It you'd keep your kisea, dear lips s0 nd, ‘You never should be so sweet !" he said. JAMES CLARENCE HARVEY. Preaching has always been a fa- vorite hobby of mankind ; for many men, who never think of giving anything else, are very generous with their advice. The ugly woman looks most fre- quently in the glass. comicbooks.com