Judge — June 19, 1886 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

4 ten inches long, and so faras weare concerned is entirely welcome to her. Many, many times the woman who is unadorned is adorned the most. Asalvation man in Schenectady has been arrested for stealing four sheep's carcasses. If the man doesn’t know how to preach the gos- pel better than that he had better return to his origmal mutton. John G. Whittier says the doctrine of ete nal punishment is fast passing into disbelief. Mr. Whittier had better be careful. Orthodoxy can't stand everything, and without a hell we should all be irredeemably lost. The English opposition to Dixey is said to be due to the influence of Henry Irving. Itought to be added that the man who says it would be a sufferer from softening of the brain if he had anything of that kind to soften, There is no lesson in the fact that a Wiscon- sin cow has died from chewing tobacco. Pearls are valueless to swine, and the n who should clothe her pet cow in her best silk dress would sacrifice the dress, ays the Albany Argus, ¥y length along almost. un- noticed.” The Argus should be more cautious. By directing attention to congress it imperils that body to a serious extent. Attorne ‘land refused to the president’s wedding not exactly because he had no dress coat. The truth is, the set of his pan-electric reputa' there are no pockets to it to hide his hands in. tend It has not been suspected that Roscoe Conk ling wants to be president, but his remark that the smallest country newspaper is worth more than its price is an unavoidable boom. Bripoet—‘I tell yez, they're makin’ on is excessively bad, and), JUDGE. It is the truth too, and we wish to gracious we had said it first. HOW THE COURTSHIP BEGAN. From our Special Reporter. Mr. Cleveland's courtship dignified, and | was conducted with a dispatch characteristic of him in all his official business. ‘Iam very glad to see you,” he said when he first met the young lady after her arrival from Europe. “T trust my man D 1 has arranged all things satisfactorily. The new relations which are about to devolve upon us require that we | should begin to conduct ourselves in a warmer manner one to the other. Let us proceed to get acquainted. If you will permit me I will clasp you to my heart.” There aresponsive sigh, and then Mr. Cleveland inquired suddenly, “Do you un- derstand the nature of an oath?” The response was in firm but subdued tones, “Ido;” whereupon Mr, Cleveland said, with- drawing his arm and looking interrogatively at the front finger of the hand attached there- jto, ‘Tam glad to hear that, because I am going ‘to say damit. You must really, my dear, learn to tie your apron-strings instead of pinning them togeth Observe, now, this lacerated finger. I have had a large and vd experience, and I find that nine out of ten young s use the pin instead of the bow-knot. It is wrong. Above all other places for pins that is the worst. I have been wounded to the quick scores of times ”- The young lady remarked indignantly, "said Mr. Cleveland, clearing his that is tos I should have been had interfered ate life. But let recover doubtless. E with by the frivolities of pri that pass. I shall garbage bar'ls so divilish orna- mental nowadays that yez can kape thim roight in the parlor. what is your opinion of the river-and-harbor bill? You have heard, doubtless, of the admin \istration of the late Mrs. Hayes, and the smaller Jone of Mrs. John Logan. I shall expect my wife to do her full share toward the upholding of the one of which Tam the head and front Do you happen to be acquainted with Coon’s. hollow creek, in the lower pari of Alabani, and is it worth improving?” “Really, sir,” was the reply, somewhat de- yed, “I trust you will deal leniently with my shortcomings, but my local geographical knowledge is at present limited. You must remember that I have just returned from a |somewhat lengthened foreign tourand am—in point of fact Iam tired. Would it not be bet- ter to treat me to the tenderness of the nc | paper reporter and ask me how I like America? But I will study up the creck in question if you desire it. Let me think—I have it now |Illask that dear, good fellow Dan—he knows everything.” an? | Dan?” | That is the man. Dan, who met me on my return and gave me the welcome without which I should have been v * Did I understand you correctly— pimed Mr Cleveland in aconfused tone of voice, blush. ing violently. ‘I will go now—they are wait ing for me in Brooklyn, There's a little parade over there that I must attend to. 1 wish you avery good-da: It was the very beginning of the courtship, and, alas! it was the first quarrel. {Yo more of this story will appear in these columns. The remainder of it has bee: ticipated by the grossly wicked Paul Pry: the daily newspapers. ] We are glad to learn tha pasurer Spinner sick as his signature woul seem to indi- Philadelphia News, comicbooks.com