Judge — June 19, 1886 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE. a) Te Judge’s Charge. Grip of Toronto makes Miss Canada re- mark to Britannia that, the old lady being indifferent to her troubles with Uncle Sam, she may have to marry’ that gentleman to get rid of him. After all, Miss Canada is a nice girl, and the court has frequently said so. Her great trouble is with her pa and ma; but, after all again, the marriage hinted at needn't nec- essarily include them. The president's official family will be greatly weakened by the forced retirement of Mr. Man- ning. The treasury has not had an abler sec- retary, notwithstanding his free-trade propen- sities; and as the adviser of the president his sagacity is beyond that of all the rest of the cabinet put together. It isa good thing for the Democratic aspirants for the chief office that Mr. Manning retires—and the court is obliged to believe that the retirement is per- manent. But, on the other hand, the marriage of the president has brought to him more popu- larity than any other act of his life, and one blast upon the bugle-horn of thefair lady at hisside were worth athousand men that might not otherwise be secured. There is a great deal of first-rate human nature in this country, and Mrs. Cleveland must have a bugle-horn without delay. The daily press is puzzled as to where to draw the line in giving news and gossip re- garding public characters, and perhaps this ac- counts for its failure todraw the line at all. In the case of the president and Mrs. Cleveland it really seems to the court that the reporters and the newspapers they represented humiliated themselves unnecessarily, whatever the wedded parties may have thought about it. A reporter ought not to bea fool or a scoundrel, and a newspaper ought not to habitually insult its readers by assuming that they havea yearning for information to which they have no right. And yet the reporters failed to place themselves at the president's table at Deer Park; they didn’t steal the president’s clothes or those of his bride, and they kindly remained outside of the bridal chamber with a stern respect for propriety which is entitled to much praise. The court observes that Mr. Maxwell, at present of St. Louis, is going to be hanged. Mr. Maxwell killed Mr. Preller. He acknowl- edged the killing, but said it was done by ac- cident. The testimony of medical and other experts shows beyond question that he lied and further that he did the killing for the sole pur pose of robbery. And there area number of reasons for rejoicing over the result of his trial. Aconfirmed liar is necessarily a bad man; but, beyond that, Maxwell is a coxcomb as well as aheartless, unprincipled prig, and it was his deliberate intention to mount the lecture plat- form as soon as hesecured his acquittal. The vanity that would have led to this exhibition of himself would have won scores of female hearts, and there are already, in St. Louis alone, dozens of women who worship him as the dearest little murderer they ever laid their pretty eyes on, Maxwell must be hanged, and the sooner the better. Should he be permitted to goat large he would break up so many families that he might properly be called a monopolistic holocaust. The trouble with Mr. Cleveland is that he) doesn’t admit the Amet edge of his private affairs. He is not confiding. He doesn't seek the advice of hissixty millions of friends. He is distant, austere, forbidding, secretive. He turns a deaf ear and closed lips to the sixty millions and contents himself with confiding in Mr. Bissell. This accounts for the mistakes he made in his courtship and marriage regarding which the universal society woman and the universal newspaper have had so much to say. He should have formally an- nounced the contemplated union the moment he got the lady’s consent. He should have done his own courting instead of employing Daniel Lamont for that purpose. He should at the wedding have attended Mrs, Folsom to the place of the ceremony, leaving the bride temporarily in the hands of Wilson Bissell. He should have had all Buffalo and all New York and the rest of the sixty millions at the white house tosee that the ceremony was prop- erly conducted. It is sad to reflect that this ican people to a know!- grand opportunity has been so neglected. The court does not blame Mr. Cleveland for it, however, so much as it does Wilson Bissell. ‘Wilson was doubtless at the bottom of it, and all because he wouldn't confide in the sixty | millions any more than Mr. Cleveland would. A frank, generous, honest, open nature would not have made the mistakes over which we are all disgraced. But next time—ah, well, in def- erence to the hope and happiness of the pretty bride may the next time never come ! Let the court beg the girl graduate not to be too wise. It is popular criticism that she gives more thought to her graduating dress than her graduating knowledge, always excepting the graduating essay, for which she has crammed and which is mostly plucked as to rhetoric from the bowers rather than the thorny paths of literature ; but that is her inalienable right and she must never sacrifice it. What, after all, asa matter purely of the business policy which everybody must consult first of all, is a knowledge of Greek roots in comparison with the bloom upon her cheek? Why should she consult Hebraic or other authori- ties with respect to matters and men long since passed away, when so much depends on the near future and the brightness of her eyes? Should she go about with a hammer and bas- ket, intent on geological information, or chase the flying insect to learn its natureand deriva- tion? That is to invite tan and freckles and derange her costume and hair, even as long | hours over old books bring about sallowness, | protuberance of bone and absence of flesh, Mn. Foxxymax—I see by the Chicago nian a medal for his proticiency in stea RS, Sakes alive t Mr. F. What's the country “ He's a base-Lall player and steals bases. per, dear, that his proud fellow-citizens have just given a ling.” coming to?” (Dodges the lamp.) comicbooks.com