Judge — May 8, 1886 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. AT CHURCH. Reverberating through the nave, To every corner stealing, ‘The mighty organ, deep and grave, Sends forth its sombre pealing. And slowly up the long soft aisle, ‘The varied throng comes streaming, Old people nod, and maidens smile On lover's faces beaming. But why this stir amongst the crowd, ‘This sudden, strange commotion? And who is that with step so proud, And haughty regal motion? With sparkling jewels that would start A diamond merchant's passion; Rich purple robe of priceless art, And that of latest fashion. The stranger turned unto bis friend, With eager intonation: * Who is this nymph with queen-like bend, Creating such sensation? “Is she not daughter to a sire Of most exalted station? A senator or something higher, Who towers above the nation? *+Is she not of an ancient line, With many a great ancestor? Or is her father in a mine Of silver an investor?” The friend repressed an infant smile; Said he—** This noble lady, Who moves in such stupendous style, Her name is Miss O'Grady! “Her parent made his awful wealth, Or most of it in water; For she, this girl of gold and health— Is a lager-brewer's daughter! ” THOR W, TRESIDDER, Two Kisses. “The sweetest kiss I ever had in my life,” observed the Colonel, as he gazed re- flectively at the end of his cigar, “was re- | ceived ata picnic. It was thirty long years | ago, when I was standing just upon the verge of manhood, and life was at its bright- est and best with me. A_ fair young girl with great brown eyes and slender, lissome form had wandered away with me far from the ceaseless noise and chatter of the laugh- ing crowd, and we were strolling beside a | little woodland brook that bubbled in_ its | way past cool, moss-covered rocks and be- sides clusters of dainty wild flowers, Play- fully, the young girl sprang across the brook at soine loving jest of mine, and then, lean- ing towards me, rested her little white hands upon my shoulder, and with all her soul looking out through the beautiful eyes, let her velvet lips just brush my own.” “‘The kiss I remember most distinctly,” sighed the Judge sadly, ‘‘ also occured at a picnic and caused the entire party to look at me with all their souls in their eyes. I do not recollect the exact date, but it was many years ago, because on that day I had on the first pair of light pants I had ever owned. I had climbed up into a tree under which the provisions were being unpacked, and was fastening a rope for a swing at the request of a young lady Sunday-school teacher, when a large, irascible hornet stepped burridly out of » nest as large as a Cincinnati ham that hung over my head and | party in saying that the majority aguinst it kissed me just under the right ear. I had never received a kiss before that went through my entire being so simultaneously and immediately at once, as it were, besides raisinga large, irregular blonde blotch in the center of my countenance, and it sur- prised me considerably and made me feel depressed and lonesome. ** T emitted a yell that seemed to contain more intensified melancholy in its cadences than anything of the sort that had ever been opened on the grounds before, and plunged wildly down into that stock of pic- nic provisions amid the speechless, clammy awe of the bystanders. ‘The scene beggared description. I know it did, because that. is what the gentleman informed me who led me to the farther end of the reservation and thoughtfully scraped the cranberry sauce out of my left ear. Last week my wife found un old pair of light pants that I had tucked away under the closet shelf in the midst of a great wave of grief and sorrow long years ago, and as she held them up to the light and invited my attention to the singular shaped spot that marred a portion of their old-time splendcr, it brought back the painful memory of that golden summer day when a kiss caused me to forget my usual timid reserve und I came down out of that tree and took a seat in the lap of the picnic custard pie with as much nonchalance and perfect abandon as though I had been on terms of intimate familiarity with it for years,” H. B, STITT. It 1s Sip that ladies of quality in Eng- land are going into the millinery business for the double object of making money and promoting more becoming dress for their countrywomen than the continental styles. It dees not seem to have occurred to them that the cause of the hideous dress may be the lack of style in English women instead of in French millinery. What bonnet could make a beefy British dowager look well | dressed? Political Philosophy. There is not more consolation to a beaten 1s small, than to a girl under certain cireum- stance to plead ‘it is such a little one.” In | fact, New York Republicans took more com- fort in Cleveland’s 200,000 majority for gov- | ernor than in his thousand majority for | president. ‘The greater the shock the easier | to bear, sometimes. OFF THE BENCH. WECAN’T PERSUADE OURSELVES, but that a good many who are using hot water in. ternally as a medicine had better use it ex. ternally instead, with soap embrocation. THAT A SHEEP Was succeesfully cremated in the new Hunter’s Point crematory, was an item of news, but the papers take no note of the lambs that are regularly roasted in Wall street. Fasnion PAPERS need not waste so much space telling ladies “How to cut a dress.” They know how to cut adress and the wearer of it too, if the latter are too costly and pretty. A Page From History. “Who was Benjamin Franklin?” con- tinued the teacher. «The man who invented lightning,” re- plied the prompt student. “Well, not lightnin; ning-rods, you mean; “Oh, yes, sir.” “ And’ so he is directly responsible for the lightening-rod agent; is he not?” “ Yes, sir.” «Exactly. Well, what else do you know about him?” “Tle was a printer.” « Just 3o—one of the first in the country; exactly, but light- lon’t you?” | and so he paved the way for the ubiquitous book-agent, eh?” “Yea, sir.” “* Well, what else did he do? ” “He invented almanacs.” “‘No, he didn’t invent them, but he es- tablished them on this continent, and so opened up that great avenue for the sale of patent medicines. Can you think of any- thing else he did?” “T dunno.” “Why he discovered positive and negative electricity, and so may be called the fore- runner of the liver-pad—eh?” “ Yes, sir.” “Just so; and in the light of all thi should we not reverence his memory?” “Yes, sir.” “Did he do anything else? ” «That's as far ‘as we took.” “Oh, well, take the next three pages for to-morrow.” R, MORGAN. ak A START IN BUSINESS. Gravestones—‘‘ You lead, and we will follow.” comicbooks.com