Judge — May 8, 1886 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE. GRATEFUL RECIPROCITY. — BILKrns (slightly overtaken, picked out of the gutter, brought home and handed over to the tender care of his own butler by a highly respectable elderly gentleman—an entire stranger) to elderly Samaritan—“ Thanks, old fler—D'lighted to rechip-rocate favor—first op-poportunity I get.” kins wonders why. Elderly stranger walks off indignant—Bil- leg and laying it on the grass to rest, and wiping his eyes with his fingers, ‘I had very nearly the same experience. I did not lose my leg till afterwards, but I was as frightened asif I had part- ed with my head. I was about four miles south of the field when the stampede on our side commenced. The boys whirled along-as if the old Harry him~ self was after them. I yelled out to them, after I had got my breath, “What in blazes are you going that way fort That's not the way to Washington. Right about face!’ ““*Right about nothin’! was theangry reply. ‘ We're licked, ‘an’ ef you don’t want to get in the hands of the Yanks you'll travel this way too.’ “They tore on, madder and frighteneder than ever, and if 1 must say it, comrade, I finally came to go as fast as they did,” There was a pause. “ How did you lose your leg, partner?” said the man with gray side-whiskers. “Stealin’ a ride on a freight train,” was the frank reply. “Where'd you get that slash on your cheek?” “Fell from a mowing ma chine,” said the gray side-whis. kered gentleman, dropping « silent tear. There was another pause. “T have often thought, com- rade,” finally said the one- legged man, reflectively heay- ing a sigh, ‘that if we out- “x WOMAN'S REASON.” A woman's reason? Texplain The mystery of the laws Which dominate the female brain, The well-spring whence she draws The “inspiration? Nay, refrain ! Tempt not thy fate, but pause? Know, dotard, that thy quest is vain ; And be content, adventurous swain, With—“ Oh ! because.” 8. D, OSBORNE. THE FIRST BULL RUN. FACTS AND CONCLUSIONS NEVER BEFORE ANOTHER GREAT WAR PAPER. PUBLISHED— “I went over from Washington to see the first battle of Bull Run,” said the man with gray side-whiskers, with a sad look and in a low tone of voice. ‘‘ You see this scar on my cheek? Very well. I think it was previous to this that Billy Seward remarked that it would be all over in ninety days, and certainly the remark had been frequently made that the boys in blue were going south on a pleasant little jaunt at the expense of the government, rations included. It was my opinion that the first battle would settle it, and I wanted my picnic to begin with; so I took along bottles and sandwiches and things, and when I got! pretty near to the battle-field I sought out a/ high elevation and sat down to enjoy myself. Away off cannon were pounding away for dear life, or rather dear death. Above the sound there were clouds on clouds of smoke. ‘The smell of powder grew fast and furious. over my head. It was oppressively warm, so I laid aside my coat and vest. The contents of the bottles made me drowsy, and I must | have gone to sleep. “T might have slept two hours when there occurred the most surprising combination of | noises you ever heard. Most of them were ad- dressed to horses and mules attached to am- bulance, ammunition and all other kinds of wagon. of the most fearful description. I looked down and saw those horses and wagons going at a fearful rate—those of them at least that were not ditched. Men with pale faces swore at men with bulging eyes and soiled garments. I never saw such unseemly haste in my life be- fore, and to add to it some men fought others with the courage of despair in their intense anxiety to get the right of way. “ By-and-bye there rode by a burly English- man, faster than anybody else, urging his horse to the top of its speed and bawling for room to travel in. Somebody had come up to my mountain, and he said, ‘That's William Howard Russell.’ “ Hah!’ said I, ‘I knew I should see Bull Run before I got through with it.’ “**T guess we're licked,’ suid he. “In that case,’ said I, ‘I've had all the pic- nic I want. What I want is to go home.’ “I moved off in an orderly manner and in good form, but I left my hat, coat and vest be- hind me. I was always absent-minded, and I never thought of them till I began to feel cold. Then I was many miles away.” “Odd as it may seem, said the man with a Frightened birds of all descriptions flew north thin face and long hair, unbuckling his cork They were accompanied with oaths | siders of that first battle had only gone de- liberately to the battle-field we should have been safe and saved ourselves much fatigue.” “Tt has so struck me, quite frequent,” re- marked the man of the gray side-whiskers, dropping another tear. WANT TO BE WHUR MOTHER IS. “ Want to be whur mother is! Want to be whur mother is!” Jeemses Rivers! won't some one ever shet that how! o' his? That air Y drives me wild! Can't none of ye stop that child? Want yer daddy? Naw ! Gos whizs! ur mother is!” “Wani “ Want to be whur mother is! Want to be whur mother is!” Conx him, Sairy! Mary, sing somepin’ fer him! Lift him g the clock-bell with the key— Er e meat ax! Gee-mun-nee! Listen to them lungs o' his! “Want to be whur mother is!” “« Want to be whur mother is! Want to be whur mother is!” Preacher, guts pound all night on that ole pul- pit o "Pears to me some wimmin jeat Shows religious interest Mostly ‘fore their family’s riz! “Want to be whur mother is!” 8 ee © ee RA nied 2 A) whur mother is! Want to be whur Nights, anes these and whipperwills allus bring? that voice o’ his! » "Lizabeth Bonk set there and ketch yer death In the dew—er rheumatiz— ‘Want to be whur mother is? —James Whitcomb Riley. comicbooks.com