Judge — January 9, 1886 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. THE JUDGE. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS, (UstTED Starrs ay Caxapay PUBLISHING COMPANY, 924, 326 and $23 Pearl St, . NEW YORK TO CORRESPONDENTS AND CONTRIBUTORS. THE MAN IN THE TICKER. When the present King of Wall street, by lineal succession to Vanderbilt, de said “‘Tnever speculate,” he told a frank and literal truth. Ife leaves others to speculate on what is to him certainty. He is willing they should take all the chances and have all the fan and excitement, modestly con- tending himself with raking in the pot. This magnificent croupier gathers them in as calmly and certainly as the old sexton does in the song. And people wonder at “the depression in Wall Street.” Writers who fancy them- selves financial editors gravely discuss from years end to years end Wall Street as a “thermometer of busin nd assure us that we ‘can’t hope for any general revival of prosperity until Wall Street resumes a tivity.” he thing they look for is the prosperity of Wall Street, not of the country. And the prosperity possible out of the exist- ing order of gambling is not prosperity of either Wall Street or the country, but of the Man ix the Ticker. He is ‘* what ails Wall Street.” It is no longer the outside public that furnishes ‘‘the lambs;” those sharp, wi “ money kings” are the unsophisticated vic- tims of the Man in the Ticker, It is the old story of the shearer shorn. All the preternatural financial ability of Wall Street has not prevented its for years being the vic- tim of « transparent confidence game. It is out of the Wall street operators that two or three men have made their ten or fifteen millions a year each. Our confidence in human sagacity is weakened as much as the elder Weller’s pride in his hopeful Sammy was cast down when the latter was taken in and done for by the weeping Alfred Jingle. ** 1 never thought, Sammy,” groaned the shrewd Jony, **us the name of Veller and gammon would be brought together.” BEER BETTER THAN BIERS. In these prosaic days the man is not apt to go where gl waits him. He'd rather waits him. He cares more to spill beer than to shed gore. ‘The Kaiser’s power is autocratic, but not sufli- go where busir cient to prevent his subjects in multitudes fleeing to the flag of the republic, It is a paternal government—so paternal that the beloved child of it gets out of Faderland as fast as he can. Oliver Wendell [Holmes describes the Pur- itan as one who Hated punch and preh nid so it was, perhaps, He fled to Leyden where he found conventicles — chnapps. So with unquenchable thirst for freedom and beer, the numerous German turns his back on the splendors of the great empire and the glory of its arms, and secks Amer- ica, where he shall shortly evolve into cor- ner groceryman, policeman, beer-seller, or what not—all the time being a good cit- izen and as loud a patriot as any native. IS IT REFORM? After about forty years’ trying to suppress acchronic rebellion in Utah, Uncle Sam. seems to have found one effective measure for the suppression of polygamy. It might be a matter of wonder that this ‘twin relic” could so long outbrave the nation, but the situation was complicated by embarassing facts. In the first place polygamy has such good bible sanction that to suppress it was, as Mr. Beecher recently pointed out, to | smash the plenary inspiration of the Old ‘Testament. It seemed as if the country must dispense with both polygamy and the Pentateuch, ‘Their dogma was so far backed by national practice that really it is supposed our legis- lators had not the courage to condemn polygamy. Whether the fact that the country is at | last dealing earnest and effective blows at the ‘‘ twin” may prove that the Pentateuch is grown passe and monogamy becoming the rule among our public men, or it may not mean so much. And if it do, we leave to Brother Beecher and Mr. Comstock to set- tle whether the suppression of polygamy, implying all this, is an unmixed reform. RULINGS. Ir isn’t MucH of a dog that can’t make & man go mad by biting him, ‘THE ONLY LEADING LaDy that society recognizes is the one who conducts a pug with a string. The DEMOCRATS IN CoNGRESS seem more concerned about the presidential succession than about presidential success. STATESMANSHIP BY INSTALLM s, is the new enterprise struck by the administra- tion and its departments, with their serial messages, A MAN NaMeED Pounp, in England, is proven to have acted the title role to two different wives for fifteen years, living with each hulf the time, turn and turn, Each woman had only half a pound of a husband. Ir 1s sAtp THAT the Pope limits his per- sonal expenses to $2.50 a day, though his in- come isa million a year. He is probably saving up for his visit to this country, its best hotels, watering places and sleeping car emoluments, Tuk TOTAL NUMBER of soldiers enlisted on both sides during the late unpleasantness was 2,859,132, and we judge by the pension disbursements that every one of them was killed or wounded and left a large number of wives and children. THERE BEING IN THE PRESENT congress two hundred and eighty-five lawyers, we may look to see an increased number of acts ed that nullify themselves by their il- legal, illogical, ungrammatical construction. making the conundrum, ‘* Where are not the Hebrew Children?” One man might answer, ‘‘in heaven; ” another, ‘in jail,” according to his prejadices or his experience in buying clothing. A JURYMAN Rose in the box in Brooklyn and told the judge that the case had gone far cnough. He probably thought it time to exchange the jury box for the dice-box. His honor told him that he was no judge. Counsel hadn’t had a chance to earn their money yet. ‘I'he juryman sat down on his own case. Ir MAY BE PossIBLE that Uncle Sam. will throw off his swallow-tail coat, slap his hat on the ground and strike out to com- pel some effete court to put Mr. and Mrs. Keiley on its visiting list, to accomodate Mr. Bayard and his peculiar notions of di- plomacy. Possibly, but we don’t beheve Uncle Sam’s numerous family are very hot to have him do it. comicbooks.com