Judge — January 9, 1886 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. THE SAD FATE OF A POLICEMAN, An officer stood at the crossing one day, Who with answering questions was tired, a beautiful he road to the Ww iden, passin; te-po” inquired. The weary policeman directed her straight} To the street through which she should go, y lady, who seemed to be late For the train, wished to find the ** de-pee.” na man with his arms full of crockeryware— a pitcher and tea-pot— J inquired, with an anxious alr, most direct route to the ** depot." Cups, saucers, a rust im and said, : approach please, Is far to the ‘day-po’ “If you from here?” A man in pursuit of a runaway pair Came up, with the speed of a hippo: ng its fight through the Inquiring the way to the ambient air, dip-po”. The officer silently pointed the way His mind was in sad tribulatio For then came an Englishm: Can you tell me the way to the sta . . . . . . officer's seen at the crossi For something's gone wron more, n his brain, A V his family bas pliced him, hhis mind to restore, In a home for the harmless Insane, To visit him often his old comrades go, Anvl seems to tind » insolation hem, ‘say, is it depo, de-poe, jon?” [Boston Courier. lay-po, depot, oF sta OYEZ! OYEZ! There was a man of knowle sweep, who kn deep commanding man who studied day and night and hardly spared the ti p. ‘This man so staid he knew a maid, den and half dismayed, shy wal as the 0 h of an cient nyths sequestered in some some sylvan so rare, with golden hair, and modest so debonair, she charmed this man air, learned lore and caught him in her witeli snare This mar of thou ned lore, his hair he tore, and o'er loudly swore that he would cherish ber for a nd he w 1 love her ever more. Now they a books seldom wed, in his libra s knees he crooks that ry nooks among his anid s¢ forgotten his wife so now he's how she looks, The wife to whom the man before so loudly swore he would: aul lives with her d declares her husband is an e¢ Union, revermore, Lar racust Vanderbilt left us nothing but a faculty for enjoying his wealth such as he never dreamed of.—[ Buffalo World. The supply of nails in the country enough for consumption. This le not all ves other diseases without u nail to hang to. [N. 0. Picayune. The man who sits longest in a Senate is It is not neces- s called the Nestor. le A Western poner heads an arti It seems y Formula for Consumption.” unnecessary, If anybod y out We est is fool- ish cnough to want the consumption he only to go up in New Hampshire and ‘ imate of New England for n years.—[Somerville Journal. The man who straddled the blind a then made a row when he got left was ap- propriately borne home on a shutter. [Somerville Journa.1 » Tom Sullivan, of Rockvill On Tue Ind., fell wh drunk, and dislocated his shou ‘Two doctors were summoned, and he died in seven minutes. In cases of this kind it is better to call in seven doctors and have the suffering ended im two min- utes.—[ Newman Independent. Fall, a Butfalo boy, y beeanse Georg | cide Frid | to take a bath. prophesy now whil George attempted sui- ordered by his parents It is hard, very hard, to lays, but it is safe once in a will grow up to vote the Democratic ticket as surely ay the tides flow or the stars keep in their courses, [Chicago Tribune. Dio Lewis says that wearing large, thick, heavy boots and. blu will improve a woman hand-knit: stockings complexion. ‘There can be no doubt that they would keep the how she sun from her fuce: but, pus! would luok.—[Boston ‘Times, King Theebaw has been war in Burmah has ended; and Prine ander has conquered Peace with which ends the war in the Balkan peninsula Int the fight in one of our ch still continues with unabated fury. {Newman Independent. rch choirs They were talking about fashionable va- lisea, the other night, in Hickox’s, Snitz said the alligator skins were all the go this season, ‘hat may he,” “but before ul to gi “What's crowd. **A bundle done up in a handkerchief,” | replied Buzzletoy | And the effect was so saddening that the | crowd adjourned withont giving the bar- tender ** the finger.”—[ Buffalo World. “Yon cla Le patric bottling tory ‘Tam, sir,” re 1 the patriot. uu may be mistaken, sir,” said George. in the and so to your replied young Buzzletop, the winter is’ over we may be banana grips.” a bandana grip ?” asked the m to be a Prohibitionist,” said ux, the other day, to a red- who had dropped into the 108e uss, nok | “Ah, sir,” replied the man, ‘the redness of my nose is caused wholly by wearing tight boot “That is right,” said George, “lay it to the be T have corns, and I guess I will attribute it to wearing ear muff [Pretzel’s Weekly. “Every time T drink a glass of beer I think of a dog,” said Johnnie Mahler the other day, as he 1 over the bar and gave nk to ¢ Gale. 1id a friend on the outsid he raised a glass of the forming liquid to his li gulped down the beer astonishment ** Becan. mouth.”— same time, id John, “it froths at the | [Pretzel’s Weekly. | hadn't brow “It reminds me of a very mad dog,” re- | plied John. “Why should it?” asked the man, as he | nd a large quantity of | CHILDHOOD'S HAPPY MOMENTS. Two men ocenpied s its in the front bile | liard parlor last Sunc eveni One of them, a little old, bald-he: man, ever and anon cast a look of pa love on a red -heade ar-old youngster who was eternally getting in the way of backward p strokes. aid the bald-head to the other man: Yes, boys of to-day ain’t what they used to be by a long 1,” replied the other, a man with grey whiskers, “Ain't got.as much sand in them some- how: scared to pl: joke that’s likely to get them a lickin’ continued he of the absent hair, “Yes, that’s so,” commented g: “Lord, when we were boys, pranks we played together, “1 hight we ‘swung’ old Brackley’s gate and carried it out to the reservoir 1 floated = | around on it until it came apart and nearly drowned us?” “You bet! ha-ha-ha! — Well, if vou wern’t the comicallist looking little cuss I ever saw, beard. many’s the member the ‘There you were, floundering around in 18 fect of water, bellowing for some one to come and pull you out, and—ha-ha-ha-a-al” and the bald man langhed right out loud, “Well, you weren't the one to do it; too sacred of getting drowned, [had to laugh, though, when we pulled you out and uns dressed you, and found out that your under- shirts a s out of flour er, though, that you went home and gave us all away to old mun Brackley and your father gave’ you the red- hottest old licking vou ever got.” our ma would have given you a darn sight hotter, only you came over to my house and begged me to'let you sleep in our stable until your ma got over her mad a little.” Never asked you a favor in my life, pt to Keep away from my house.” You didn’t, hey? How about borrowing my long-tailed coat to hide the hole in’ the seat of your pants where you sat down on a | piteh-pine trunk in the’ woods, and then | went home and told your pa that T gave you the coat, and you never returned it to me.” | Hust € forgotten it, then, but if you ant, [ll take you out and buy you a new coat now.” “Oh! never mind, John—pshaw!—I didn’t mean to lose my temper about a few puthful pranks, and I’m sorry I mentioned them.” “1 feel awful mean, too, Harris—wish we tthe subject up. But boys are not now as lively and tricky as we were, | are they? Naw, indeed. But let’s liquidate,” and vy walked up to the bar unconscious of the Ik letters ** Old Crank ” on the backs of both their Oh! no; boys are not as tricky nowadays as formerly. —[F ex: Vanderbilt, was worth his mil- nd owned the finest house in America, rrett held him when he died. {Merchant Traveler. Thongh lion BIOGRAPHY OF SPARTACUS, Spartacus, whose given name seems to ave been torn off in its passage down | throw the corridors of time, was born in | Thrace and educated as a shepherd. While smearing the noses of the young lambs with tur one spring, in order to prevent the snufles among them, he thought he would = comicbooks.com