Judge — December 19, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. “| E TRUE STORY OF TOM, DICK AND HARRY. BY CATO, H Three jolly wags as eer were known, | Named Before their wild oats all were sown Resolved to woo and marry | They chose them wives of good report, For they resembled Ca Whose wife Must let pure pleasures please her, m, and Dick, and Harr: no matter What his sport— ata. Their happy marti Their br Their firesides cl Then tavernw They had a rousing time once more, And sald, when tired | “ The one shall settle Who thinks of dis es took pl tours were ended, i h k med them for a space, ds they wended first command his wife sball make, No matter how perplexing, | For cach, no doubt, our lark will take As someth ther vexin “The wee sma’ hours” were When home the trio sallied, Humming the fragm a song Brin ‘To keep their courage rallied. Mix owing long eT" Did yes ever see a say-sarpint, Moike ?” —" Faith, an’ 1 did.” Burpoet—** Whin ?” ‘Tom tried his door with careful hand, Mike—‘* Whin I was half seas over.” Then ventured io, balf hoping —_ | To reach the matches on the stand, By let Gata ieae guns as OFF THE BENCH. not a word in it that points to one of the As out his hands he slowly put = score of actors on whose shoulders John Me- | The toaas fell’ wlili &.clauien = A Puttapeceuta paver is to issue a|Cullough’s mantel has fallen, nor any Quick called his wife: ** Do put your foot double sheet on Christmas day, ‘This is so | reference the most remote to the cham- Plump iu the buckwheat batter!” great an cventin the history of the village pion base-ball pitcher. Poets are so un- oe (its: ronen-wiliftecarcea.svund that the day will hereafter be generally ob- | practical and ignorant of the world! eraser inn ceed "| served there as a holiday. a He, in the darkness most profound . _ A pavren ty New Jersey hasa singular | ‘The distance wrongly reckoned, Some one Was PosteD the family ledger | 4; c. Tell him to do anything and he And struck the bureau with ‘ash, erti bas 3 e to rev OVS | Aad ru ne as i plate 7 to ascert ain“ which cost more to rear, boys | ,¢ ps at it till stopped by force. If told to | yen oer the Wash-stand tumbled — or girls?” We believe he made the showing | \| Do Ureak the pitcher all to smaabit” open his mouth he will keep it so until some that girls were the cheaper investment, but we feel quite sure that they are dearest, after His spouse then crossly grumbled. one shuts it for him, and vice ver Francis ‘Train has the a. Geo. same complaint, it is supposed, and some one years ago told him toshut his mouth and has forgotten it. ‘Their are lots of people who never shut their ‘ mouths, probably for lack of an official able increase in human longevity in the | mouth-shutter. © Harry's patience was so tried they are grown to the waltzing That he was nearly frantic. = and ‘round would slide , i“ = Du. Quix, THE EMINENT vital statisti- cd twice at least cian, figures out that there has been a re- falling— m | The keyhole 'r ‘Then cut sot When ia, he stu The 1 the stairw “Do break your neck, you drunken beast!” | past half century. Tue Juve botanical Ue beard his vexed wife calling, and moral statistician has detected the same Holiday A f mere ‘i joke: oliday Announcement. As was agreed, they met next day, fact as to campaign yarns and jokes. y | | | Not very bright and jolly, - i . | | For headaches are not pleasant pay In order that our editors may enjoy the sacred observance of Christianity’s holy day, | once waited on a rich lawyer and asked him | and get over it, there will be no Jtupoe ise broke the pitcher to run for judge. ‘Here is a good show | sued on Christmas this year, It will be is- gst aeons for you on the bench. Go in.” ‘The wily Sue two dass before. ” One employes will © replied, “A bench show! Is thy | NOTK #9 usual, as they can’t be trusted out Y | ona holiday. A DEPUTATION OF POLITICAL STRIKERS | For ui Said Tom, * Quoth Dick, And Marry | Our host ten dollars richer.” lawy servant adog, that he should do this thing?” Took up the Gauntlet. —— THE MEMORY OF OUR revolutionary heroes seems to be gradually diminishin: Skipped a Stitch. in the \| Young Lady, drawing on her glove— A sewing-machine agent in Missouri had “D, oan know the. national. characteristics | ore effalgent and nearer brillianey of our | aescanted eloquently & the “gal” of the of this operation, Mr. George?” pugilists, base-ball champions and civil ser- jonse without much result. — Finally he * No, what are they?” vice reformers. E, is, to a patriot, | said . “Why, they eay that « French woman | very sad to see the fame of Gen. Anthony ‘This isan indispensible article for house- puts on her gloves in her boudoir, an Eng- | wane keeping, and if you want I will furnish you ish woman inthe hall, and an American — woman in the street.” . “Yes,” (sarcastically) “and where does| AN AMERICAN PorTEss has written a an American Lady put her glove on?” string of verses as long as a Chantanqua ex- | ain't in the market. Ye kin take yer ma- “On her hand,” (quickly and innocently). | cursion train, on “The Truly Great,” and | sheen and git. ‘That's the door.” | | with the best feller on the market.” “Look ver, mister, vour clean off the cent. | I've got the best feller in. Missouri and J | | comicbooks.com