Judge — October 31, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. OFF THE BENCH. was a gettin’ blind and. stagy erin’ when I reached that ’ere string-piece along the —_n bulkhead. But it was too late. As T put JuMBo WENT into training one time too many. my foot on the timls the slack of my trousers, and with tha two of us tumbled overboard. I we minded the wettin’, but just as Th fortably drowned the dog and was a skak myself, the widder comes down on to the pier and sees how the dog had chawed the | trousers. ‘Then she fainted.” he put his teeth into “THe MaGazine or Tiusu IListory ” must contain ¢ fly dynamite. CLeopaTRA’s NEEDLE necds an ulster. the entire costume, save a fan. A REWARD Was bi gn orator who ha “ white-wit ged pe en offered for the made no reference to ¢,”’ this fall, tue Grand Trunk R. killed the great-trank Jum It ting so that even locomotives are ba; smashers, a It was get: “PINK TEA PARTIE elty. 1 nove If they take the place of the blue grand-parties that have made society so are the soc! ‘twill be well. dreary Dr. Mary Wat rclaims to have had twelve offers of marr: She probably got them by “letting on” that she’d fallen heir to a hundred millions. ungathered, Not a chest- nut could be found before the Fall, And now they are always in season, over-ripe. It was long ago. METEOROLOGISTS CALCULATE the strength les to a mathematical nice but they "t estimate the strength of Gail Hamil ton when she gets after a humbug or a weak opponent. of ca THE MAN IN THE MOON IAS AN EYE TO BUSINESS. A Rum Question. A DRUNKEN MAN in Harlem put his hat on his horse's head, mounted and rode up | An observant and estcemed correspondent asks: ‘Why is it that the once famous rum ica is out of ma : | d noticed the during the fire- | annual parade there. ‘The explana. | tion is that Jamaica now prefers to fill upon bi-carbonate of beer and cheap whiskey, the game as the rest of Long Island does. In the days when the good deacons and Christian business men across the Sound | swapped bibles and negroes with the Jamai- cans for ram, the trade was lively and the | rum good, Jamaica now has all the Afri- cans she wants, and more bibles, so the trade | died out and the production of rum and | bibles on both sides has about c We are indebted to our Veteran Obeerver | for calling our attention tothis fact and giv- ing us an opportunity to air our knowledge of the currents of trade. | Ix JAPAN one month's notice must be given by an author when he intends to pub- || lish a book. ‘This is to give his “ boarding i || boss” a chance to hedge. In this country |] aman can start a newspaper and leave his unsuspecting landlady to fill a long-felt want a as she best can, cife ‘Time was when all jokes were fresh and | Quite in character. Cleopatra herself lacked | Second Avenue whooping. “ He’s on war path! the said a solemn “ Tlear man, him whoop! See his hoss tile! ” ArticLes oN ‘*A Snifter of Brandy,” | and ‘A Flask of Old Rye” are looked for with much interest by the readers of Harper | who revelled in its ‘ Glass of Beer.” They | lik nod article of this kind. Wues a commexteation begins: “1 want to say just word,” you'd better before A | reading it go out and take a good lunch R. that | climate. with all the appurtenances, improvements and hereditaments thereunto appertaining or belonging. Mrs. Junta Warp Howr’s ode has been ecepted by the Boston Committee on the Grant Memorial E The New York committee on the Grant Monument would accept most anything that Julia Ward Howe owed them, if anything. a rises, No, “yv AN MERCHANT,” you are | wrong in calling the Merchant Traveler the the “origin of the travelling men.” only their organ, It’s Don’t repeat the slander, Our E. C, has enough to account for that really belongs to it. Sam Sanz, the humorist—‘“ Old Si,”— of Atlanta, has taking to preaching at the C t of many new sighs on the part of his late readers and present hearers. ‘Talmage and other sacred bonife performers must look to their laurels. NCH INVE AF NTOR proposes to cop- per-plate corpses in an electro-metallic bath to preserve them. It will not work in this We have double-plated hundreds book-agents, of lightning-rod sand they men and drummers with bra all spoiled. Lirtie O1p Party—“T wouldn't give a snap for a meek Bio Party— Ugh, ’cause you haven't any snap to give.” comicbooks.com