Judge — October 17, 1885 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE J MRS. SCHNEIDERKAS! The German Policeman's Elder Son Has By Jolin Ralpd, Autbor of the the German Ve had a grade he gafe a Germ “ My vife leats der fashion this veek, alretty,” sa Policeman to his friend Reilly, the blacksmith,‘ sdade uf affairs at our flat lasd night. Is that so?” th smith said, greatly interested. And whoy was not Oi invited—me and Mrs. Reill; read av thes Germans in the papers over and over again, the curious favors the guests carry and all t Shure, Oi'm rale sorry yez didn’t in- vite me. “Yah, dot’s so,” said the inveterate joker. “Vell, it gwide a shmall bardy vot gafe, mit only von drophy und only von bardickler frent owdside der family invided, Dot vos der doctor, He sayt afder- orts it vos von uf der smallest Germans he ever addended—but dot it seemed healthy und he dong!t it vonld lif.” “Umph,” the black- smith replied. “If you had said yez had a vos y inu- sicale or a Dootch bawl you wouldn't have de- saved me. I suppose you {paced monoplized the dancing whin you wint for the doether. “Tam going to shdart der bapy in_bolitics ” said the Policeman.” “Lam going to buy him a leedle iron parrel to safe his money in; I’m going to name him Dennis to gapture der Irish abbrendice him to some drade choost for a year so. vat he can glaim to peen a vorkingmans, deach him neffer to oxbress any bardickler obinion apowd anyding so his record vill all der dime peen goot und glean, get him in der F he is dwenty-von to gif him a bull in der segret sei him keeb a beer saloon und for some sord uf off lies und make run all der { he took pMasONns 80 soon vot | UDGE. E GIVES A GERMAN a Tussle With Experience and a Dude, “Sun's German Barter,” Dic. “ Where is your b'ye, Jake?” the haven't sane him in two or three blacksmith enquired. «1 || .” said the Policeman, * He is gradually regovering from oxberience und vill be vonce again owd uf doors in afew days. Ve all got to have oxherience—der drouble is somedimes ve get doo much at vouce. Dot's vot ails Chaky. He got more at von dime his nervous sysdem | could shtand. He saw a fine looking young feller mit kids und s und ght drowsers—a_reck- lar dude—und he dought | { he could blay _ some monkey chokes on him 80 | he galls owd lers, look at it! It moofes! | It can valk! Guess vot | it is und you can haf it,’ Dot vos a goot choke, | | eh? | “Say, vel- “Tt was a foine bit humar, the cksmith. ‘* T would — | . loike fer to have sane the dude.” “Vell, dot’s so. I, , vould like to seen But Chakey dakes a deeferent view uf der situation, He ton’d care uf he neffer such a veller secs ayain. Dot dude, off gloffs avay und he bunched Ch | pluck und plue. He knocked owd wf him der sduffing und put 4 Wend on hing’ liko'a btecblo ona, church, Nowadays, you got to A hosbidal is der safest blace. xing gluifs und dumbells und rowt re raising muscles like der pillows or | ta dude und find he can likea vindmill | , nL. Sullivan gids along so vell. He | Uf he should bick up some dudes av his look out mit who you make chokes. Der young vellers got und bicyeles, und dem bed. You choke m Irike owd. Dot's vhy Chi fiighds mit bugilists only. vhiie, in breference to vorking for a lilfing, so as to broof he has in Fifd Affenoo he mighd get der prains knocked from his der inderests uf der beople at heart.” head owd.” NO CARDS. Briefs Submitted. | Briefs Submitted. et — = fy RomT. ROROAS | “Who is that pamby pamby youth SE SEND lish bicyclists have beaten the | With ruddy cheeks and hair? — Americans badly. — They had a complete— I mean the fool who ’s tipping back qARioup MAID: | well, not exactly walk over, call it a roll- And balancing his chair? Yon can always tell an old matd, do you « + TI bet a dollar he's a chump And hasn't got no brains By her cork-serew eu A surer test Fle n sense Hs her manly ha » in when it rains! Tet hat teaches men with com To So spoke a ma her toa sweet | Girl graduate he'd met That summer in thg ball-room’s glare Beneath th’ effulgent jet of times. « Jones, did von ever lie Well, you ain’t lying now! ” over; that sounds more in keeping with the ververse nature of the bicycle. ‘The heirs of the man who invented the joke on the plumber’s bill are in’ destitute i and several philanthropic humorists have taken the matter in hand. An exhibition is opened, in Dublin, of ||] Irish industries. Among the principal at- tractions is the instantaneous Irish-Ameri- can naturalization machine rls and her winning “ Rats leave a sinking sl | officers and crew; but the So do the passengers are With what a: ir of calm superiority a hen will gobble a worm after the rooster has d a scratched it up! ‘There are lots of hens in | seldom ** in the same boat. the world. | ‘The Marquis of Londonderry has set up jas a wholesale dealer in coal, ~ This is cer- tainly selling coal by the fox “Which one?” y What's th T really hadn't an idea He was your fiance.” ask; why, that one there! he deuce you say! A dilapidated old express wagon, to which .¢.D. | was attached ablind equine, recently drew |‘ ‘That is a very rich piece of cheese,” re- up in front of a fashionable dry-goods store, | marked the epicure as he placed an inverted Proctor, THE asTRONOMER, says, “the | and the driver, addressing the propietor, tumbler over it to prevent its escape. “I inquired: * Want any movin’ done, boss?” | “Yes,” replied the irate gentleman, “I | | want you to move that one-eyed wreck off this street!” He moved it. there’s millions in it,” replied his com- panion with a shudder. ‘The British peerage contains a Jones, a Browne, and a Robinson, and they all affect to look down on the Smiths because theirs | is a commoner name. ~ average level of whist in America is very, very low.” There are many other games that this country can pl: very low down, The level of poker is high, however, perhaps because it is so often a spirit-level. very, comicbooks.com