Judge — September 26, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GOT astraight pointer from the head barman of the Southern Hotel that the Booze Wine Com- pany of St. Louis was about to get out a new brand of native champagne. It is usual in the wine trade to advertise a new make by the use of colored litho- graphs or prints, and the quan- tity used is generally large enough to satisfy the salesman who has the luck to take the or- der. I lost no time, therefore, in calling at the office of the com- pany, first posting myself a bit as to the peculiarities of the buyer of the concern, who was, I found, no other person than the President, Colonel Booze, himself. This gentleman, I was informed, was a veteran of the late war, having put in a whole year behind a pair of mules attached to a baggage wagon, and that this was hisentire military experience. He bore, however, a striking resemblance to another fellow who held at one time the office of postmaster in a small village on the hoopskirts of St. Louis, which position in Missouri entitles the in- cumbent, as we all know, to the title of Colonel. Booze having, as [ have shown, a clear right to his rank, I did not hesitate to address him as General at the start, knowing per- fectly, that an officer who had attained the rank of Colonel in the manner he had, would be pleased rather than offended by an ad- ditional brevet, even if it came from one’who could boast of no higher rank in the service than that of drummer, Whether this picce of military strategy did the business or not, T cannot Anyhow, my man’ was gracious enough to inform mo that he h: ready ar ed to consider that afternoon the samples and prices of two of my competitors and that he would look at my line at the sume time.” He also kindly told me whom the other two ‘3 represented, and gave me the additional information that both men were lodging at the Lindell Hotel. Much gratified by what I had learned, I took my leave, promis- ing to congregate promptly at three o’clock, the hour named. As I walked back to the Southern, the idea struck me that it would be a mighty good thing if I could in some manner prevent the other two fellows’ keeping the appointment, and on the top of that came the notion that my friends, Josh Brown and Gus Cusby, were the fellows to depend on to do the trick for me. With my head full of the scheme I rushed into Brown’s room, nearly upsetting in my mad career an undertaker whom Josh had been sticking with a big bill of coffins, caskets and similar articles of personal adornment. “ Where is Cusby?” I asked, after apologizing to the customer. Josh tipped his victim a ‘good morning” and then answered: “T don’t know, Lang, but I think he’s about the house some- where.” Let’s look him up, I want to use him—and you too, Josh.” We found Cusby treating a customer at the hotel bar and at the same time congratulating him on his foresight in purchasing that morning, as he seemed he had, a big lot of Pydia Linkham’s Min- eral Compound. Becanse,”’as Gus was at that moment explain- ing, ‘* the price is sure to go up, Mr. Pills. I have a cable this morning from Madrid which states that the Spanish government hus ordered a thousand carboys of our Compound. proved that the P, L. M. C, is the only thing that will collar the cholera, ‘len days after the arrival of that shipment in Spain, my dear sir, the scourge will spread its sable wings and fly screaming away. Now, you can see that even if our mills run overtime we cannot possibly turn out enough goods to fill this order and supply our home trade, So, for this reason, the price must go up, Mr. Pills, and stay up for a considerable period.” With these comforting words Cusby dismissed his druggist and that gentleman departed evidently much pleased that he had bought on what would surely prove a rising market. ‘Then I got the boys together and laid the situation before them. Neither Gus or Josh saw any difficulties. In fact, I had no sooner THE JUDGE. . 7 It has been | stated the case and remarked that the absence of my competitors | would not be productive of deep sorrow in my bosom, when Josh point of order very well. asserted confidently “The able representitive of the Kankakee at three P. M., put in an appearance at the of! Co., my dear Lang.” “And as for the gentlemanly agent of the Oshkosh Picture Foundry,” Gus said, “I can assure you, dear boy, that from two to six this afternoon he will have business of “a character suf- ficiently pressing to prevent his keeping his tryst with Col. Booze So sail in and sell the bill without fear of vulgar interferenci Relying on the capabilities of my two friends, I walt the Colonel’s office at three o'clock to the minute, grip in’ han The Colonel was friendly, and grew more so as time passed on and the other two fellows came not. At four o’cluck he “Mr, Lang, you are business man cnough to ke ment—the others are not. | will take pleasure in giving order provided you have what I want and if the prices are right.” The event proved that I did have the right thing and at the proper figure, and I left the office of the Booze Wine Co. a neat sum better off than when I entered it two hours before. The bill sold and the order mailed, I began to feel a lively osity as to how Cusby and Brown had managed to get rid of my competitors. Thadn’t long to wait. about supper time. “Well, boys,” I said, ‘* what have you done with the man from Kankakee and the Oshkoshian?” “* Bought a bill of both of em and sent ’em home happ. answered for himself and Josh. “What's that?” Lasked in surprise. “T, Augustus Cusby, bought a big bill of the sales agent of the Oshkosh Picture Foundry this afternoon,” that gentleman stated impressively, “‘and Mr. Joshua Brown, here present, placed a large order with the representative of the Kankakee Art Works, both of which contracts were given by us individually and separately as representatives of the Booze Wine Co., of St. Louis, Mo. Do you grasp, Mr. Lang id how did you happen to do that?” Simple enough,” Josh explained. ** Vv Hotel about two. Gus asked for his man and I for mine. plained to my fellow that Col. Booze had left town unexy ut before leaving he had instructed me, his first man, to look at the Kankakee line. I take pleasure in informing you that the representative of the Colonel has been agreeably occupied in smoking twenty-five cent cigars all the afternoon at the expense of the Picture Works I have mentioned.” And I,” narrated Augustus,” assumed the character of no less a person than the Coloncl himeelf. J have at this moment under a properly located liver pad no less than three quarts of Heidsick except such as may be in my head. I have purchased for the company of which I am president, ten thousand colored litho- graphs at $70 per thousand, of which the following is a descrip- tion: “The idea is taken from Shakespere’s parable of the ‘* Prodi- gal Son ” at that part of the story where the young man is pro- nouncing the immortal words *« Eut, drink and be merry, for to- morrow ye die.” In the foreground, clad in scarlet underwear and a purple and gold Seymour coat, is young Prod himself. In his right hand is poised a glass which’ is being filled by a young woman—I am very sure she is a young woman, boys—clad in a mosquito bar ulster. I confidently assert that she wears neither porous-plaster, bustle or other like jewlery. No more do the other yours ladies, of which there are no less than a dozen, as I remem- r, grouped around in a varicty of graceful attitudes. Of these maidens, I would say, that they are clearly visable to the naked eye and also to the visable eye, are more or less simply clad, so to speak. Oh, yes, it’s a cheerful picture, boys, and one calculated to attract the gratifiying attention of any man. Lexpest the Booze Company and the public generally, will be perfectly satisfied with it.” “Well, Gus, and what then?” I asked. “Nothing more, except, that as previously arranged between Josh and myself, we each cautioned our man against mentioning the order in St. Louis and then left. By a strange coincidence it happens that both men leave to-night by the 7:55 Alton express for Chicago. ‘They will surely meet on the train and will get onto the snap. I'd give a ten dollar note to see those two fellows when they compare St. Louis experiences. Wouldn’t you, Josh?” L. L. LANG. rt Works will not of the Booze Wine They entered my room in company Gus went to the Lindell At Ocean Grove placards are prominently displayed all along the beach, reading: “ Notice—Young women who bathe are re- quested not to dress less modestly than they would at home.” ‘The young scamp who interpolated “un” before the “dress” took a comicbooks.com