Judge — August 1, 1885 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. THE LAST LINK Briefs Submitted. This ham you sold me has got trichinw See here. in “Where?” ‘Why, there.” ‘ My friend, you are badly mistaken. Those are only skippers. Trichinw are so small you can hardly see them with a microscope. These are large. No trichina about them.” Oh! Wi was and felt a little afeared. ‘The fat old darkey sat on his harrow, to which were hitched his wife and eight of his family, and wiping the sweat from his face, said: “TI golly, farmin’ heah am harder on dis niggah dan down Souf. Ise sorry- some dat I is a Exoduster.” The unlucky business man looks forward and talks about the time when he will be on his feet again; when that time comes he takes a carriage. When a man becomes bank-corrupt then he turns bankrupt. They will soon nse large steel bars instead of public bells. In getting ready for church a woman will ask, “Has the first bar struck yet?” Some men coming home late at night won't have any recollection of the last bar struck, Dear Jones:—When I made that bill with you, you said you could trust me you knew IT would pay it in time, IT am = paying you in_ time. Pisasé give ime credit; for four’ years. already. Brown. Young lady do not giggle in remember company; that love locks at langh-smiths, 1, you sce we didn’t know what they | ; in—hold! FIVE ACTS, 3).—A CANINE TRAGEDY IN CONDENSED ROMANCE. “Duck? Dove! Young love. Die cast; Clings fast. “Nuff sed” Must wed. Parents kick, Lovers stick. “annot be! f" “We shall sec!!!” Bright nisht; Sleek flight. Church found; Grist ground. Folks come; Struck dumb. “Too late!” Fixed fate First year, Skies clear, Years two, Jamboree Sp Divorce court, Groom, bride Untied. Hearts crack, Jill, Jack Trot back UNPUBLISHED CARLYLE LETTERS. 3. DS. [vo T. CARLYLE, FSQ., sCOTSBRIG.] Crersra, Oct, 25, 1866, Dearest:—I received by post this morning the newspaper you sent me, con- taining your I fell Town three flights of stairs in my anxiety to get it, when the cook bawled out to me that it had arrived. If you had been here I would have dropped you over the baulstrade and made you bring it up to me. Why do you continue to write? If I couldn't compose a poem better than the one you sont me, I would walk’ down to the quay sad saying’ Tere goes nothing!” drop in. However, if you decide todo this, do not wear your variety trousers as I can use them for a crazy quilt after you have passed away. Or 1 can split them at the seams, and with a skein or two of worsted I can work on them blue dogs knawing orange-tinted bones, and use them as ro, Mr. Dumfries is an elegant and useful man. He rises in the morning at five o'clock (if his wife kicks him out of bed), excepting when he has been out the night before, to build the fire. Why don’t you, instead of coming down at ten looking as thongh you had slept in acoal-hole? You needn't put any flour on your hair the day [ return, as I know perfectly well you never sifted ashes in your life. Your amiable, JANE. {What a woman! Who the deuce At this time she was ill and could not extend her practice with the dumb-bells; even then she could catch me by the nape of the neck and make me look like a mil- dewed porus plaster. Ifa woman can shake four teeth out of a man’s mouth Tl keep that item for my essay on ‘ ‘The Governed Man,” TOMMY C. ver put any flour in his hair! [To T. CARLYLE, ESQ., ScoTSBRIG.] ppiscomp, Oct. 1, 1847. Just a few words, dear, before I don my camel’s-hair-fishing-net and retire for the night. Ido not want any more monkeying round town. Remember, if there is, after our interview there won’t be a healthy slat left in the bedstead of the spare-room. I'll make it warm for you, have learned the Sullivan-Mitchell twist during my visit here; the palm of my hand is as hard asa skating-rink floor. Ever yours, JINNY ¢ [As I look back at it now, it was warm. If Mr. Ingersoll had been there he would have believed in a warm climate in . Was her palm hi Somehow or other when I came in contact with it, I felt as though I had | been visited by a dynamite blast, or that a mass of granite had struck my spinal column. mpitial ool Why could we not have given that hand for the Bartholdi *edestal ? TOMMY C. comicbooks.com