Judge — July 11, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE J UDGE, 7 SHAKEY HANSEMANN VISITS NIAGARA FALLS. My shtore in Harlem vas baying pooty goot, und effery ting vas loafly; exceb dot I got de shills und vever. Vell, de dogter, he say “Shakey, it vas petter you got a little for avhile. You got blenty mooney, vy dunt you go py drip avay dot Niagara Valls? Vell, I vent p Shtate vas as pig as Chairmany. Pifore I got de Valls py I vant to ged some shange for a den tollar off de con-duct-tur. He haf sait: “You ean ged blenty schmall nough shange for pills oop dose Valls py.” Py! Hookey! de shango vas schmall I got for pills up py doso Valls. You pet. I naver hat zo eggspensive a drip in my live. vive cends to valk oafer dot leetle Soospender pridg Pridge vas acend). Py dot pridge dere vas peautiful view gott, de vater vas veerful! De Harlem River. vas nov vater vas all de dime boom! boom! boom! T asged von man vat vas de name of dot “Dot vos de Shoo-Fly Valls,” und dot island ves Coat Island “ Picause dere you ged de rubber-coats vot efferypoty vair to go under de Valls town.” you tink? Dot plame gustom-house officer he say,“ Vot ‘ot in dot pundle dere?” Vsait, “1 got my lunch vot I prings from Ni York.” “Oh, dot’s too tin,” he sait; und he opened dot pundle und sail “You vas daking American poulognies indo Canada. vill gost you den cends apiece.” Yoi are aliah,” Tsait, ‘1 sonlognies ride here already.” Dot makes no tifference,” he sait, ** You vill be daking dem into Canada shust de same.” Now dot vas Free Drade! Vell! 1 got me oafer on dot odder side und zit town on de grass to rest, for I sleep me lectle dot nide pefore dot zleeping car on. “‘Pwainty-vive cends ‘to sid down dere,” somevone yelt. I vas valking along de road, ven n came running ub und sait: ntand ride shdill!” “Vot for?” I sait. “Orters of de Goafernment,” he sait; und I vas opliged to pay von tollar for anashty leetle bic- ture of myself. Und de orpres- sion of Shakey Hansemann’s vace in dot bicture vas veerful. All so for de sbace of von hour I vas schvindled oud of den, dwen- ty cends 20 ofden dot I was ick. I pick feety cends out of mine bocket-pook effery fife minutes mit ont sheep. Und I sait to myself ‘Shakey, vere vas dot den tollar pill you vas haf py de morning hours? ” It vas den dot I vas handed a card (de first free ting already). dot Niagara Valls, It vas long vay. Ni York Mine De ig vall, und he sait you Dot iow sai ‘0 show dot is not zo, I will ead | “ It vas mooch like dese: “Do Dravellers py dot Niagara Valls! Awoid Oxposition py going py do Glympton House. De Brobrictor vas a wertuous chentleman vot schpend hecs live in looking oud dot dose dravel- lers got no schvindle. Go py him und He vil brotect you. Of you dunt, you vil vander arount all de dime undil you vas proken ub und schvindled efferywher ** Now dot’s zo,” I sait to myselluf. Vell, I vent py dot Glympton House und sait, “ Meester you vas a goot man do brotect de beobles. Vat zights are dere?” “Oh, you moost zee de vorlpool, vere Captain Vebb vas trowned, und de vorlpool rabbits, und de purning spring, und many blaces vitch vas sheaper in a carriage. Maype you neffer coom agen. Yor moost zee dem. ° “All ride, geef me a horse und dime.” A leetle poy coom und crabbed my pundle und blaced it py de zeat und said: ** Ain't you going to geef me nottings?” Und I tinked de poy vas hoongry und geef hii piece sheese und cracker. And dem loafers vot. vas arount laughed und laughed und tolt tode poy: ‘* De Dutchman vas ub onto you.” “De first blace ve go vas de vorlpool. (Noddings to go in, feefty cends to coom oud.) De man vas dalking vast. “Views of de Valls in seven tifferent languages, collar-buttons made oud of de rocks, poxs made ond o! Vell, ve trife long vays apove dose Valls, und ve coom py two, tree house. I oxperience now, und [ dunt go inside pecause dot gost me sometings. I toltde triver “go home,” und aman 1: gon for a zhort schpace of eefty cends.” “But [dunt yant to zee dot spring,” I sait, “Oh, itaint for dot; it’s for coming oafer de roud.” Den py chimmniny hookey I schware ‘like cra man. De trifer suy: ** You have to Sg Den de man say: “You are now cordially inwited to zee de spring.” + Und you are cortially inwited tochump oafer de Valls, you tam loafer.” Pack by dot hodel, vot you tink? Dey sharge me four tollar. “Dot brobrietor vas—vell, neffer mint.” “Of you vas a newly-married gouble it vould gost you touble, Be tankful it vas no more.” ‘T vill naver coom agen,” I Ve knew you neffer vould, dot’s de reason,” sait dot und cuss, ‘Tank Gott! I vas apoard dot drain for Ni York. I gound my mooney, I vind I haf my tecket und view cends lefd of dot dirty tollar, Py chimminy! Captain Vebb vas not vorse daken in by dose plame Valls dan Shakey Hanse- mann. CORNICULA, FANCY . PACT. Come out, come out, dear Mrs, Flinn Ignore the pots and Still sleeps your fond ad ‘Think not of crackling fires and fames | Of breakfast; leave thy smoky rooms And gaze upon Aurora. | in pro: This is liberality sympathi “Villing! Bedad, ye'd have me lave me work, And all me household duties shirk | While swately sleeps me snorer; ne out—but Hannah Quinn— st’s late, you just come in er. a eaosee | Mational game. The Willing Hendricks. Vice-president Hendricks does not believe ription and is willing that Re- | publican should have some of the official prophetic, involuntary “Was your wife willing to go?” asked a ng friend of a bereaved Teuton. Yah, she hat to be. i cott, she couldn’t hellup herself.” “Fly” men of the period —fielders in the It is all Right. The other day I had seated myself in a cheap cab. “*Stranger!.” cried a legitimate hackman, thrusting his head in the window, ‘Do you know that those are the cabs that carry con- tagious hospital patients?” “Tam one of them,” I replied softly. “‘Typhus Fever.” “What!” he cried, jumping back three | yards, “Whip up, driver,” exclaimed, and off we crept, VISCOUNT DEM. comicbooks.com