Judge — July 4, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. A NECKLACE OF BANANAS. Jack Servenmalet is Induced to try to Navigate a Bicycle. For a number of weeks the sailors in Jack Servenmalet’s mess on the big man-of-war at the foot of West yenty-sixth street, had noticed that whenever the carpenter’s mate had shore leave, he left his shipmates at the first opportunity, and wi en no more until sunset. At that time he usually came back limping as if he had sprained a joint or hurt himself in some way. But one day last week wi k and the second rate apprentice reached the corner of Tenth avenue on their weekly trip ashore, they were overhauled by the carpenter's mate and invited to go up- town, All efforts to learn their destination were unavailing until they reached a great red-brick, two-story building near the Park. There the carpenter's mate led the way through a side door to a large blank room where two or three young men were making strong efforts to maintain an equilibrium while striding bicycles. «Whatever is that ’ere?” said Jack, pointing at a bicycle and turning to the carpenter’s mate. With’ an casy air of superiority the carpenter’s mate sai « Them’s bic! me «What are them lubbers doin’ with em?” “They're larnin’ to ride. Some folks is very slow and hard to larn and some takes to it natteral.”” “Well, that ’ere machine aint accordin’ to nature, no- how. They stows the cargo all on deck and steer her by— how do they steer her, any- how?” “Do you see that ’ere tiller which he holds in his hands? When he finds hisself making a lurch to starboard and thinks he’s likely to shift his cargo and go over on his beam ends, he throws his til- ler around and runs off afore the wind like, and gets his- self on an even keel again; then he fetches her sround on her course agin, “What's the little wheel for?” «That's to keep him from going down by the starn.” « Looks delicate like, don’t it?” “Yes, but its steel ribbed. They're sometime ed, but they were never known to hog, and nothin’ more serious happens to the machine nor the loss of a couplo of ribs or a busted tiller.” Jack gazed at the young men for a few minutes, but finally cut achew of tobacco from a large plug and then, looking very hard at the carpenter's mate, said: “ Wherever did you larn all that ’er “T’ve been navigatin’ them for a month.” With that the carpenter’s mate walked across the room, spoke to a young man at a desk, and then taking hold of a nickel-plated machine near by, ran it three or four steps towards Jack and mounted. Ife swept down so near to his friends that both of them jhmest back in alarm, and then he rolled off across the room with his broad collar flopping and the ribbons of his hat fluttering in the air behind, Jack chewed his tobacco vigorously until three circuits of the room had been made. Then the carpenter’s mate dis- mounted, and Jack said: “That's a gallus craft. I could jist do that as easy as rolling in a hammock.” The carpenter’s mate was delighted, but the second-rate appren- tice pulled Jack’s sleeve nervously. Jack threw him off, not un- kindly, and then to the surprise of the carpenter's mate jumped to the saddle with so much force that the machine seemed about to go to pieces, ‘The carpenter’s mate steadied it, however, while Jack got his fect on the treadles and his hands on the tiller, and then walked along beside him to keep him from falling. Jack roved to be an upt pupil, and before fifteen minutes had passed he headed his craft through the open door made for the purpose, and out on the broad, smooth pavement he went, in full view of the carriages bound to and from the Park drives, saying: “Tm a flying-fish sailor, Lam. I’ve steered a dozen clippers round the horn and I reckon I kin handle a fancy yacht like this “ere, on a smooth sea.” What happened in the brief interval during which he was lost to the sight of his shipmates, he afterwards related as follows: “Arter I mounted the poop deck of that ‘ere machine and had fisted the tillera bit, I thought it a blamed si ier to steer than the ‘ Minnesota” with her guns aboard. So I says to my- self, * Le’s take cruise,’ With that I pinted her for the narrows and rang the en- gineer to go ahead full speed. She took the swell outside like aclipper ship, but jist as I tried to get a second look at a oncommon pretty girl as was drivin’ by in one of them two- wheeled carts, I found I was broachin’ to, In course that would never do when all them folks was a lookin’ at me as represented the wy in its present condition, So I says to myself, ‘Keep’er fuil, Jack, Keep’er full,’ and throws up myhelm, Sheeased off 0 fast that Ie’enamost forgot to check her till a duffer as was inthe cart with the pretty girl shouted ‘Stiddy as. y’go, ack, stiddy, yo lubber. hat ’ere riled me all over his callin’ me a lubber and right before the pretty girl as hed fit to kal when she ean, and I jist called all hands to save ship. Then I got right down onto the tiller and heads up on my course agin. Just then I sees a licensed vender’s hand-waggin a-comin’ around the corner with a load of bananies. It was dead ahead and my engines was a makin’ 80 turns to the min ‘Them ’ere pi rates in the cart they sees it too, and begins screamin’ and laugh- in’, and the Dago he sees me a-comin’ and jist dropped the waggin’ and cavourted and humped his shoulders, But he didn’t do it but oncet. I shoved my hellum hard down and the little wheel a-starn riz up and pitched me head first into the middle of the bananies, while one foot carried ay the Dago’s figger-head and t’other got mixed with the flyin’ riggin about the machine. I wouldn’ta-minded the wreck, only the pretty girl in the dog-cart when she see me all tangled up so, she got scart and jumped out to sce if I hurt, a-looking real sorry-like till I riz up a wearin’ a necklace of b Then she bust out langh- in’ agin’, and I thought I best make port to oncet for the necessary repairs,” was adark person named Gould, * The Street most despotic he rould; He would get up dark * corner When his friends would be “ goners,”* And others outrageously fould! When you catch another fellah Spooning with your Isabella, Lend him your new silk umbrella, And you'll never see him more, On this side of Plato's shore! T'm reminded of an incident. g after, sat down and mashed 1a young man named F Tn 1862, | When Emerson preached for Chapin in the great Fifth Avenue, Chapin walked into the pulpit, on the sofa laid his | out glory would sh So he wrote many p: In the old Tinddie And last year began to be famous, There was a young fellow named Didge, Who loved a fair damsel called Midge. But she said, That she didn't love So he ran down and jumped off the Bridge. comicbooks.com