Judge — May 2, 1885 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

oO, To sew To do kind li deeds for relation And repair all the ills that Bi ladies in marks Ay re Hi youn man who bek T once ew a bachelor sad and forlorn, His stockingsall holes and his garments all torn, ‘That his hose were constructed to let his toes through; | Te 1 ventilation had brought on a cough His collar all holes where the studs were punched in— | Which his friends were afraid would soon carry him Alas! no whitened sepulebre equal to him. off In sheer desperation he got him a wife | No“ vine embowered cottage,” no bome had he got, And ended the pain of his poor joyless life; | But he lived at his office and slept on a cot, She, dear little body, knew just what to do, | ‘i And has mended him up ‘till he looks good as new, Te reviewed his conditio pate day, A ie ie creeping on aul i he Ith giving way, And on his bald head she has painted with care A hole in his income he couldn't repair, A nice little rabbit that looks like a hare. The Coming Microbe. | say ‘* Yes,” and she will only dare talk to Water Coloring! ia | him with her head turned away, as if he had _— ‘Tururis no telling just where this microbe | been eating onions, No more waltzing will | ‘Tue Husten’s Post artisans are the business: There are cholera | $0,00- Society will get a set-bac greatest water-color artists in this corner of oing to stop. microbes, und fever microbes, and in fact | little mike seems to be on the move. | No wonder when we see fellow with the | spring-fever we catch it. We have inhaled | some of the spring-fever microbes. We can breathe a secret, or breathe our sion, but have got to be careful how we breathe mi- | crobes, When we meet a friend, instead of “How are | * How are you,” we will s microbes to-dy Haven't you noticed, sitting up with your | girl till 11 o'clock, that when she yawned you also had todo the same, and the more she gaped the more you did, until she pr scribed a little night air, and a brisk walk h aur It was sleep microbes, sure. We belicve there are, also, love-microbes. Have you not often found yourself falling in | love with a plain girl, and couldn’t tell w shy =| No doubt you have often fallen in love with young ladies who did not return your affee- | tions. It was owing to their good constitu- tions, and sensible heart Microbes in the air were no good there. Or, perhaps, she closed her ears to you, and kept her mouth shut. It looks as‘if Cupid's arrows would be discarded for surer microbes. If this theory be correct, it will throw society into a terrible state, and disinfecting handkerchiefs will be fashionable Young men will have to sit on the fence and their addre to the girls in the window. unless new Jennor rises up and invents a new vaccination to counteract the miasm: After thi, if « girl smells something on Adolphus’ breath, | she will exclaim, “ Mi- crobes!” and to e his reputation he will | J buttons that come off your pants, ime's ravag to snub toa Bachelor's Club, Me ake, ce He felt all ere That ‘tw We can easily see why the world raises up and stands on its hind heels in surprise at the recent unequal matches, All on account of the love microbes flying around, We see why plain girls are often so attr and now know all about “breathing your love.” Front gates will be relieved of a great load from their minds. young folks now in love will se was brought about, and will make great efforts to recover. It is all very strange. Genius does not ex- hale microbes to an alarming extent, but we believe a clear, undisguised case of dumb fool is us full of microbes as can be, but we never hear the owner complam. ‘There is ptive, someting more than music in the air, and we should only take it, like pork, fried. No raw air, AL W, BELLAW, One Unquestioned Diagnosis. Ox of Gen. Grant's physicians energet- ically denied that they were in any doubt what ailed the old’ hero of many bi (this battle with the doctors the gre: all.) en. Grant’s trouble, explicitly, ‘is e-p-i-t-h- what epithelioma is, [cannot explain to you for it would be a long matter and not easy to understand.” ‘The public sometime since concluded that the physicians bad found it so—nay, that it is ale ng 0 that they positively cannot understand. ‘This diagnosis of the situat seems to be the only one in this case up which the profession, the attending phy sicians, the patient, and the public est of "he added, Aud his whole mortal life aw the deple And no needle inv His suspenders were fastened with pins to his pants, plain to be perpetual tear, ation could see at a glance {| seen from the bulge in his the world. landse: high-lights, When the tide rises they paint The oil retineries put in. the the fertilizer and glue men the strength, and when the sugar-relineries and gas works get i “Call sweetne: Objection Overruled. ‘Tur objection to Mr. Keily, of Richmond, newly-uppointed Minister to Italy, because he once madea ranting speech inst Italy, must not be allowed. If bumptious and | demogogic oratory is to be a bar against oflice-hulding under this administration, we to be filled are not deaf- want to know how the of with American citizens? mutes cnough to go around. The Bald Knight. | (Revtued Version.) A Baty Kyicut one night out fish- ing a vith the boys and asudden gust of wind came up and took off his Wig and lodged it in some trees overhead. So from put out he 1 with his compani aid: ¢ irand the Kn seem to have an af nity for each other ure g pe, 1 guess Ye chimed in the W “he’s bawled when he was a kid, and now he’s bald again, Tecan air and die hairless.” Just then the knight caught a perch, and the Wig left its perch to examine it, and the knight passed the rest of the night in its company. PF. S. RYMAN. nd he hair nd comicbooks.com