Judge — April 18, 1885 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MORNING. | Wutar is it takes the man awa: From hearth-stone, wife and fam Ull the break 0" ¢ ‘The Club, What is it, when he's homeward boun¢ So shouti Irunk on wine he's “downed ", Policemen use to quell his sound?— The club, Hints Against Reading. As by and undiscouraged reader who peruses ‘Tite Jcpce for useful information, wants some further hints on reading. As a hintist Tur Juve kes the negative on the sad and growing practice of reading, and hints only on not reading. It advises strongly against Reading. ‘Try nything else—Northern Pacific, Preferre Even Eric, You know what you are getting when you take Erie or Coney Island clam chow- dor. Avoid Reading, gentle reader. As Punch said to young people about to marry—Don We can tell you what not to read—a few of the many. Avoid such works as the unexpurgated edi- tions of Arabian Nights,” “Young’s N Thoughts,” “ Rebel “The Songs of Solomon, “Anthony [Comstock ] and Cleopatra,” “The Woman in White,” “ Ouida’s.” Put away the complete editions of Rollin, Mark ‘Twain, U. S. Commis- sioner of Paterts, Bayard Taylor, the Popular Sci- ence Series, and all “standard” literature— until yon have accumu- ed ‘a fortune, and re: tired to the shades of culum to be an amateur literateur. After that age you will not be able to do much injury as a literary authority. In the line of reform swear off on the Leening Post, all Greenback and - = Woman’s Rights writers, all morbid abnormal health publications, Dio L: 5 Blakie, Fowler and Wells, and the ‘* Man, know-thyself” sort of thing. On Dana’s ad- vice to Unmarried couples, and couples who want to be; on the 7ribunr’s silver-coinage utterances, and Watterson’s free-trade stric! ures and restrictions; on all thatthe con- verted Democrats and hardened Reformers have to say about the reformed administra- tion. Shut your ears re: y against all the writings of Chopin, W nd Ned Br. ham, and never have anything to do with any other composer. Bat there is no end to this. Perhaps we had better sum up by a general caution against anything but Shakespeare and TH Jvooe. Indulge in other reading but spar- ingly and under the advice of your most illiterate society friend nd Tne JunGe declines in advance to act as umpire of Il games, referee in any prize-fights or moderator at any church trials, ANTI-MONOPOLY CAR OP THE FUTURE. THE JUDGE. RULINGS. Tuk scrvs politicians whom the execu- | tive has elevated to oflice are no doubt Cleve- land’s highcred men. State Sovereienty is interpreted by the thrifty Nutmeg legislators to be authorizing the manufacture of oleomargerine in ( necticut, and forbidding its sale the ‘There is no flavor of hypocrisy in that. Tuk Brooklyn Bridge Bill in which the | people of the iron-ligatured cities are most interested is not any that the legislature can enact, but the bill for construction and maintenance which they have to pay. THERE is a movement now among public school teachers to exelude visitors during echool hours, as their pr nce is held to have musing PATENT Ar VAY YOUR MONEY AND TAKE YOUR CHOICE. an unfavorable influence on the pupils. Wouldn't the same fact call for the exclusion of the pupils too, during hool hours? Ovr ampitiovs new Secretary of State, although we have no colonies, has a Colonial Policy. This Colonial Poliey sends the navy to Colon, at an expense of $100,000, to guard the property of the Pacitic Mail Steamship Company against Indian mobs, Millions for defense, but not one cent for subsidy. ‘THe worn celebrated the First of April without any fooling. ‘There was war in China, Tonquin, Soudan, Afghanistan (a | big cloud) South Africa, Manitoba, Central America—with the United States getting ready to take a hand in the ‘‘ discooshin ”— and the unpleasantness in the Democratic party was unsettled. ep FOR RY A LONG SUPPER ZIGS AND ZAGS. Last week, w 1 met Z: hands w striding ridin ¢ clutched as in despair, Broadway, down; And frightful was bis frown, Now Zags, as everybody knows, Dram claims to be, And writes a heap of orful plays Which no one goes to Last week he made another fluke, And when we met he said, | “Behold, my friend, a broken man Who might as well be « es, Zags.” 1 said, and looked, y care for you increases, You must be broke, my boy, for 1 Have seen y ur various pieces.”” Ravages of Rinkophobia. The roller skate continues its work of devastation in our homes and meeting houses. a — Men neglect their families evenings to attend the rinks, Mistresses desert their servants shamefully in broad day-light to skate. School children play hookey to go. And even the poker clubs are losing thir attractions. There is alarming spread of the disease, and what is worse, our doctors, of medicine and divinity, do not succeed in over- coming its terror. ‘The Board of Health scems powerless to uct in this emergency as in others. Dro Itammond has brought to bear on it his well-known powers of obscuration in vain. Sanitary science has at t found a human com- plant it cannot prevent, even Mr. Wingate. re- maining dumb and joke- less with discouragement. The high-moral clubs— ‘Twilight, Constitution, Nineteenth Century — have discussed /his prob- lem without settling it to rustic, their own satisfaction, Brer Shearman and Capt. Codman have got no farther than to attribute the epidemic to protection, and probably never will. The press is equally powerless to stay the ravages of Rin’ The World’ pre- scribes * Wants” and total abstention from partaking of the //erald’s advertising columns, The Sun can only wring its hands and sing “itis the cat.” The 7rijune attributes it to | Cleveland’s election and the /ferald has con- tented itself with publishing maps showing the rinks which are storm centers of the disturban which of course only aggravates the complaint. The Post's prescription is to stop the silver coinage so as to cut off the supply of gate money while the Times has no mind about this matter, as about others. | One of the most alarming of the later developments of the disorder is the spread of the contagion by contact with young |men under the guise of teachers who inoculate attendants at the rinks, es- pecially females, with the disease. ‘This dangerous complication has gone so fur that (an active movement has begun against these comicbooks.com