Judge — March 7, 1885 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. 3 Was he worth it all—all this elevation of the national assassins above the national defen- ders; was he worth even the depression in rate atlas business, and general “hard times” that so ayn aay art) promptly followed the news of hie election? ae yyy i ‘Time will tell. Y Pi i But, meanwhile, a Democratic President iA | has been inaugurated, and the country is constrained to make the best of it. | THE THRIFTY DEMOCRAT. | Tue Democrats have assumed office, and ] they are going to make all the money out of the assumption they can, and they are going to commence without any unnecessary delay, either. ‘The very inaugural festivities will furnish some little pabulum of profit to that party which one of its own recruits has | represented as so hungry and so thirsty. Just cast your eye over this circular, gen- tle reader, and then change your mind about Barnum’s shrewd advertising, and yield the palm to Cleveland, Manning, Cowdery, Haz- zard & Co.:— New York, January —, 1885 Mess — GENTLEMEN : OBEYING ORDERS. The undersigned respectfully beg to call your Sa.oon Proprietor—* See here, you are doing some wholesale eating, and retail order- | attention to the fact that they have been selected by | tng for fluids! Why don’t you shout ?” naugural Committee, at Washington, D. C,, to Fee Lexcu Rouxper—“ Doctor told me never to drink while eating.” furnish the Official Programme of the entite cere | = . a monics to take place at the Inauguration of the giveusany ads?” We can, Messrs. Cowdery It Won't Apply. HON. GROVER CLEVELAND we can, and we do. We give you all this quay grammar tells uehow to talk to the Presidency of the United States, on the 4th | space, and won’t charge you a cent fer it, How it is either * bended or be day of March next, at Washington, D.C. | either. And when, in the ripeness of Demo- But when you talk of ragged pants ] about 100 pages, (with a beautiful illuminated | 84 the walls of the White Housecometobe) oat cover) containing the route and order of the Proces. | let out for advertising purposes, we pray you | "TOVF-IN—coal, | onies; the Muste and | of your charity, dear Cowdery, if your firm = Wey an army officer steals, he gets ] Order of Dancing at the Ball, and programme of | js ‘selected by the Inaugural Committee, cashiered. In other words when he steals he ] the Fireworks; Portraits of the President and Vice: | at Washington, D. C.,” to apportion this | gets stolen. ] nt clecti_ a Biographical Sketch of each: | valuable space, that you will in your turn . Portraits of all form€r Presidents of the United - = “Tn veet face haunts me still,” sang States, and a history of all former Inaugurations; | e™ember us, and “give us some ads. | the illicit-whisky distiller to the revenue utiful illustrations of Public Buildings in Wash. —— | officer who arrested him. | i , as well as a synopsis of all its numerous The Bogus Apparition. | attractions; and a list of the Inaugural Committees. — “(A kiss in time saves 9959,” said the This Programme will be published exclusively SING a song of night-time, young man who found then, for the first | by us, under the supervision and by the authority Allabout a ghost; time, that his girl had false teeth, of the Inaugural Committee at Washington, and Folks in bed a-sleeping, | will be circulated on all Grand Stands, Enclosures, ust as Warm as toast. | Wue X, the burlesque actress, mar- | Public Buildings, under the control of Rattle goes the window, ried Mr. Ernest Wood, the other day, all mittee, also upon all Railroads running ington, as well as in all the principal Cities of the United States. The Committee have given their consent (by a. a letter of authority to us, which we will submit to you) to the insertion of a limited number of Adver. | tisements of a select nature; and as it would be superfluous to dwell upon the advantages of the book asa medium for bringing your wares to the | public notice, we would respectfully say that we || would be pleased to wait upon you, with further Family awake, See outside a spectre,— All in terror quake! her friends said she had gone “from jest to Ernest.” “Wy do they call it ‘ In-augur-ation? ” asked Mrs, Dynamite. “Oh, because the whole thing’s such a bore,” anawered her spouse. eo 8 8 Sing a song of day-light, People on the move; Claim the house is haunted, Owner can't disprove Secks another tenant, Hard as he can strive— To an anxious inquirer we would say, that, as a usual thing, a rubber stamp will not carry a letter through the United States Cuts the monthly t fi details and a sample copy of the book, should you item | Mail. be inclined to consider the matter of advertising 2 WT dontethiak Cleveland will “ev therein, address . 8 . . . don bin y ‘eland will ever see Washington alive,” remarked nes to | Smith, as the two were on their way to attend the ‘ blow-out” at the capital. “ W-w-why not?” stammered Smith, as fearful thoughts about dynamiters and socialists flitted through his disordered Messrs. COWDERY & HAZZARD, 21 BARCLAY STREET, NEW YORK CITY. Sing a song of cuteness, All about a “* spook Neighbor laughs o'er sheet, and Phosph'rus he forsook After leaving house where Asa ghost he went,— This is a bona fide offer which we reprint from a printed circular, on the corner of ‘ “ « | mind. which Messrs. Cowdery & Hazzard have He will take that “haunted” (1) “Because Washington died eighty-six || pathetically penned, in red ink, “Can you Place, at lowered rent!! | | sos Years ago,” responded Jones placidly. comicbooks.com