Judge — February 21, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ANOTHEK He saddenly had faith in his rheu | for good—do you call it good when there is not or tunnel, or railway station in the ed Kingdom but is in danger of being amited into kingdom come in quicker tin than you could cut short one of your sen- ? And worst of all, haven’t muddled Egyptian-Soudan-Congo 3 uinea-Con-ferance busin good as invited that big North German boor, Bis- marck, to slap me in the wipe it all away with a silk no harm Bill, this thing won’t do. I own || feel half ashamed, and half afra together gory when [ think of it. I don’t || enjoy being langhed at, and I have no mind to hear the rattle of German oaths and the || roar of Krupp’s steel. guns, and see the fine | English sod torn up ina real battle of Dork- | ing. If Thad a tiery Pitt, now, or a lusty rek by andkerchief and that I and al- Palmerston to take this bully Bism his ugly mustache, and give him a lesson in | | manners. Better even a blundering Cas- tlereagh, or a jingo like that shifty unchr tian Ben Dizzy than a whole menagerie of | Christian statesmen whose tender conscience makes them cowards. My good William Gladstone, I think you had “better get out of this now, and make rvom for some capable bad man who can help me out of some of these scrape When 1 find myself in need of a watch-dog with a fine bark and # mouth too mealy to meddle with the legs of a poacher, and with con- scientious scruples about flying at the throat ofa burglar, Iwill ask you to look up one for me. | MACKHOWLY, First Words of Great People. It is only proper that great interest should be taken in the Yast words of celebrated men, and the last words of some living writers are | awful slow coming, but their first word: {| entirely overlooked in the hurry and bustle of the world. Why should not the earliest || lispings of the great be as important as tne | latest? We have been at great expense, and had to tell a good many lies to yet the follow- ing, which we embalm in the columns of THE Jvpoe for the benefit of smart children yet unborn. | A horse! My rubber baby for a rocking horse.—Richard 11, | Give me a fulcrum on which to s howl, and I'll raise the world.—Ar © nd and himedes, FAITH ou in this and expect to CURE. matic legs, and found bimself cured. It seems that you a Plymoath Rock.—(Gov. Winthrop. If any body attempts to haul down my vest I 1 spot him on the snoot.—/iz. What kind of a kid —Capt. Kidd. It’s hotter than—.— Bob Ingersoll. This is not the true cradle of liberty. —John Adams, How sharper than a serpents’ thank it is to be a toothless child. —Mark Twain. I have conquered this house, show me anothei lex, the Great, r y they have of dressing my doll. Pedestrian, . , be aisy with me now.— Mahomet. Me heap little Injun, Scalps ole man with fingers,—Sitting Bull, Ple little rat, IH tickle straw,—Smart Aleck Pope. Away with paragoric! Soothe me to sleep with proverbs.—Martin FL Tuppence Iam taken to the fount to be made clean; printers will go to the fount to be made dirty. Guttenberg. n would not turn on his life to save Were I a man, as | amasick baby, welcome that doctor with a bloody nos om Corwin, sive me a y to st bottle, and I willshow you the earth is round —C. Columbus. Tam always in ¢ me more This i The wor hey are Johnson. Don’t stand with the cordial near. aint the night with a few undying groans. -N. P. Willig. Soft you, « word or two before you go slow around my crib. Iam going to P, per: chance to dream, et me shovel off this mortal coil awhile. —Shakspeare. I'll call and wake you early, wake you early, | mother de: Tennyson. | Dll fight it out this summer if it takes the whole line.—Grant. Jolt me to sleep, mother; jolt me to sleep. —Walt Whitman. You bet when I get big I’ll bathe in tub.—Di Ogenes. } Our folks are always waiting for something to dry up-—Mike Auber. Give me a chew of tobacco.—Lord Caren- dish, much you with rms, Y Elba room.— Bonaparte. cold, cold world, —C. F. Adams. s in my lexicon. are small. young yet; and will grow. it till the: give dry e giving methe regular do you take me to be? instead of this | lnot pick up the cup.“ Teould | | whip you for telling me a story. | to ship you, Let me give them a freedom shriek.— Vosciusko, What awful long dresses they put on me. Never mind.—Lydia Thompson. Well, I never knew my mouth was made for anything else but to squall. Mos- thenes. tarly to bed and early to rise makes a baby ad unwise.—B. F. Franklin. y to treat the father of your country. —G.W. I believe they’ve stopt the circulation of y blood. —Harvey. hey’ve vaccinated me all over with pins —Jenner. See how the bull rushes.— Moses, Don’t chase the wolf from the door.— nilus. Take me up tenderly, lift me with care; | hes ud where my feet should be, heels in the | air.—HHood, of A.W, BELLAW Wuen the pretty-well-ads man goes not to the druggist’s from whom he has been buying his shaving soap and hair brushes since his teeny but to the drug | store at the other end of town, and there in- s utenin every sort of fragrant thing from granulated musk to pure cologne water, while he confidentially explains to the simple minded, grinning drug-clerk that “all the children are wearing carbolic acid round | their necks, and I want something to scatter | round the house you know, to keep down the infernal smell,” and then goes to the new musie store where nobody knows him, picks out an accordion, “how much?" pays it down, declines a polite invitation to “better try it;” explains that he knows nothing and cares nothing about these things himself, but just bonght it for one of the little girls that has been plaguing him for something of the kind all winter, and is nervously in haste to have it tied up quickly, but without any fi acts in fact as if the transaction was cont band and must not be seen by the public police. Why then, be dead sure that a beautiful green spot is breaking out in that sandy heart which will be likely soon to end in fatal happy marriage. or y. Fwould | hospitable fist to | Mother and Child. “Tr you shove that cup off the table I'll whip you,” said a mother to her daughter. rl shoved the cup off. “Pick up that cup or I'll whip you good.” The girl did and sit down there or Pl whip you.” — ‘The girl didn’t go and sit down. ‘* Come here to me.” ‘The girl didn't come. ‘Ain't you ashamed of yourself?” “Ye sum.” “No, you're not. I’ve a great mind to Oughtn't o'me, for vould whip. me kicked up her he nu tell stories. You said you didn’t,” and she is and scampered aw Mothers should be careful to speak the truth, —Arkansas Traveler. Mus. Tartien (who has been describing at length the virtues of her numerous chil dren)—*‘ And this is my son, the canon. Holworthy (becoming somewhat bored) — “Ah, y lways heard that there were a gr g guns in your family.” Harvard Lampoon comicbooks.com