Judge — January 17, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. know wi xact temperature of the Lee in its healthy state is, for last. summer we were, somewhat unexpectedly, culled upon to test it, and, by actual experiment, several times repeated, we found it inno case to vary from two hundred an yefive degre and that, too, in the We repeat, therefore, that the ” referred to is cither a fool, ora base, unmitigated knave, Don't make and when he comes late from the lodge, A man is like a | lump of ice—the warmer it’s made for hiw, the quicker he run: 8c) Advice to married women, it too warm for your hu You can't always judge by appearances my son, Be: man wears a + itis no sign that he is blind in one It is just possible, you know, that he u't raise Money enough to pay for another gl rs old a nkees hav ‘ays been accounted a clos fisted, parsi:nonious race, and it now seems on to life so long th: od and the g its jaws yawning for them. 1 boss are not wholly bad hropes would have us believe. or day, in N . The e a dear little filled the top of hi or’s piano full of and she couldn't sound a single neighbors smiled that day for the first time since eighteen hundred and eighty-one. ‘That was the year she got her | phauo, Tom AppIs, His Congressional Record. Pourovs Vistton— Ah, by the « when were you in Congress, Mr. Dupont? itor—** I was never there, sir.” ver there Why Smith is forever alking shout your Congressional Record—” “Oi, yes; | have that in bound volumes just over there on the shelf.” Useless people—good ones. Dumb as an oyster—a clam. “ Dere’s watermillions in it,” cried Black- berry Sellers as he clomb over the garden wall, “Freedom shrieked when Kosciusko fell on her.” And now, when Lord Alfred sings of her, she howla, The proof that house ventilation is really a good thing, a very cardinal virtue in fact, is that ninty and nine preach it while but one practices it, Wry should a young man not choose a woman for his wife who weighs two hundred pounds and over? Because she would be so Waistful. Partt, they say, has but one castle and that in Wal Ill-used Patti! There be plenty of young things who have sung in opera only a season or two, yet they have castles in Spain, more than they can count. The virtuous minded Philistine, whose ex- perience of art is that she generally comes in utter nakedness, is anxious to know whether Bertholdi’s is a lady, and if so, whether the French, when they send her over to us, will ANTI-PAYING PRECAUTIONS. “ How under the sun did you get such a cold in your head?” Patient—“ Why, popping it out Uie window to see who was at the door.” ‘Proverbial Philosophy. Never talk behind a man’s back; always talk before it. Small acorns on big oak trees grow. Stocks preferred maketh the heart well. There is an end to all things, except the man who leaves the door open. “Where there is so much smoke there ought to be a little fire,” said the man tothe kitchen stove, ‘* but there isn’t.” Short visits make long friends; long visits make short friends, “Silence is a cheap virtue,” but some people do not want anything so cheap. Langh not at other men’s failures—es- pecially if you hold their notes. Learn to keep your mouth shut—when you are in the dentist’s office, Many a nickel makes a mickle. An God. Argue not with a fool or he’ll make one of | you. It is the early worm that catches the fish. The wicked shall not prosper, but how is | it about my neighbors? When a wicked man dieth his expectations | shall perish, but other’s expectations then begin. Judge no man by the coat that he wears, but take particular notice of his hat, over- coat and boots, Many people wonld shrink from laying a | straw in an enemy’s way, but they would not hesitate in the matter of saw-logs, and | stumps, and so forth. Speak not in praise of your own deeds. It always looks better to hire some one else to do it. Some people say they let scandal go in one ear and come out at the other. We have often noticed that the other ear has a wonder- ful voice. honest man’s the no-blest work of but he is a six-toed, double-jointed one that always doeth i Ifyou live in a stone house don’t throw glass: ‘There’s many a man of many minds. Remembrance. You have gone, and my future is clouded, spirits wax fainter and few; js murky avens bi shrouded, ¢ lent me their blue. You have gone; and the angels, in sorrow, J some handkerchiefs borrow, For it has been raining all day. | Sweet Oblivion! draw over thy curtain,— And, waiter, a little mor Reminiscences dra; ga skirt Leave my palate confoundedly dry. And yet, though you left me no trinket, No keepsake of bangle or curls, | In a solitaire toast I will dr : You are one in a dozen of girls. Stop! I wrong you, and feel somewhat prouder, Though the token You left 11 not bruit Abroad: a deposit of powder | Where your head lightly touched my dress-suit wae | Hoorsgirt, did you say? Well, you'd think a hoop’s curt to see how it answers when you tread on it. Becky Sharper—“I suppose you have heard of my marriage?” Old acquaintance—‘‘ Yes; and I congratu- |late you. You have a protector now—what every girl in your situation ought to have.” B. S.—“ Oh, I wasn’t thinking of that, I married forrevenue only, though, of course, 1 don’t object to incidental protec- comicbooks.com