Judge — December 27, 1884 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHRISTMAS STUFFING Motner—" Wiy eating such a big dinner? Son-—"* Not ‘znetly hungry, tut D'ce got an all gone feeling, just as if the dinner wasn't there!” Shopping. Wuen Home and its surroundings dropping— ‘The propensity outcropping With a vim In the early ds She'll go further for a collar, Worth a tenth of a “trade” dollar— If she won't, I hope to holler— Thana man who wants a wig Venture Ito say—a “sli woman goes a shopy nd startling vi sof spriv a or— Up and down the streets she'll travel— How she will, as ‘twere, “scratch gravel” Not that 1, regardless, cavil When she hears of “bargains truly, Say a mile uptown or down Rush to get there ere the buyers ins” newly Advertised by Jones & Brown! If too late, how dis Are the “shoppers; quite disjointed I may say, in min inted, As it were, with oil of sorrow, 8 winted 1 thick, wer stout; Frowns they summon black as thu Is that black, I really wonder'. And their t Good c Some d ler— me nnot keep under ptrol—would they could borrow retion—but “let out! Ten to one, if they ‘They'll get huffed ‘thout rhyme or reason, And pronounce it highway treason, Advertising When there's * Or, perchance, will come, 1 As they think, with ‘They themselves—buy At a price ridiculously High for goods of that compare! in season, Yet is shopping awful jolly— Save to those who buy in folly, Reaping later melancholy— When the shopper, wise and steady, Has a dollar at her call; What with guying sheets or shirting, There is something more diverting — "Tis a little pensive flirting, Now and then, with salesmen ready— But you ladies know it all! Das. DeLvox. “THE JUDGE" NOT LEFT. Some of ou tures of bi plum puck Th jal contemporaries have pic stepped, short-waiste 1, carn 1 plum-pudding, sone, to keep up with the times, : Jeper: prese Mrs. Agrippa’s Christmas Cifts. Mrs, AGrippa is rich widow, She is a devout worshipper ata fashionable chureh on Fifth Avenue, and Christmas s causes her heart if not her pocket She believes in placing her money where it will do the most good—to herself, and she selects her Christmas presents with great care and discretion. But Christmes gifts, like the best laid plans of mice and men, g ley, and this year they have left Mr jaught I pain, and no joy at all. You see, she started off to do her Christ- mas shopping very much as usnal—and ordered everything sent to her own house, and she intended tosuperintend the distribu- | tion of her gifts afterward. For one of her sisters, who is poor, and who lives on the old home-stead, she pur- chased a beautiful calico gown. ‘Price, one dollar for the dress patern. ** Poor dear Maria will be so grateful, and will so enjoy making it up,” says Mrs. Agrip- pa to herself. For her dear friend Mrs, Golconda, who occupies a palatial mansion on the Avenue, Mrs. Agrippa purchased a lovely Cameo bottle. Price, at Tiffany’s, four hundred dollars, A set of silver-backed brushes was chosen for another dear and wealthy friend. For her butler, her maid, and her other servants, she sct aside sums of money ap- propriate to their various stations in her | house-hold, and she placed a two dollar bill and a Christmas card in an envelope to be addressed to her old and feeble father. Mrs. Agrippa always lays in a choice stock | of Christmas cards for various impecunious relations, “Uncle John” is old and infirm. has no house of his own, but spends his visiting (!) various relations almost as poor as himself. For him Mrs. Agrippa selected a Christmas card bearing the following in- scription, ** The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the son of Ie ime man hath not where to lay his head. A Merry Christmas.” She supplemented this gift with a box of wooden tooth-pick: As Uncle John hasn't a tooth in his head, the tooth-picks would have done him as much good as would the Christmas card, but unfortunately for Mrs, Agrippa, the poor man never received either. When the proper time came for distributing these and other articles, Mrs. Agrippa ordered her daughter Leonie to write the ad- dresses on the present Now Miss Leoni 1 fifteen, had other to fry that mornin nd she didn’t at all fancy giving up a promenade on the Ave- nue, to stay home and write snperscriptions on brown ‘paper. But her Mama’s orders were imperative, Well, revenge is as sweet to fift olds as it is to those who: figures to be reversed, and M premeditated malice, made her Mama’s Christmas gifts, Mrs. Goleonda received the calico gow Aunt Maria got the Cameo bottle. Uncle Jolin got the silver-backed brushes, and the butler re- ceived the Christmas card and the tooth- picks, while Mama’s maid, whom Leonie al- ways hated, got the two dollar bi The result was what might have been ex- pected, The maid and the butler have given n year causes the Leonie, with a fine mess of warning, and so have two other servants. Leonie’s own maid, the coachman, and the cook are all right.’ Leonie had taken care that her own favorites shall be kindly dealt with, Mrs. Golconda gave Mrs. Agrippaavacant stare when they passed each other ariving, and Mrs, Agrippa can’t understand it at all. What Maria will do with the bottle we know not, and Uncle John will find small use for silver brushes, or in fact for brushes on his old bald pate, but I use the money he received to shingle the barn and hou and will have some left be- sides. He is quite overwhelmed at his danghter’s munificence, while Mrs. Agrippa has met with so many that she declares this is the ve A CANNIBAL CHRISTMAS. What a merry merry Christmas some of our mis- sionaries on the coast of Africa must have. comicbooks.com