Judge — December 20, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. 13 Tho Wisest Class. “Doctor,” said Boswell, addr great pher, you consider the wis Sir,” replied t honest opinion? ing the what class of wen do doctor, “do you want tking out his note hook. sir, vou shall have i —Arkansaw Traceler, Phe small. A Jeviel of a Teacher. AGE ment TLEMAN of residi counties of this Suite, writ “Mr. Elitur, deer su opening in any common schule in your like to have it. teachin’ here is time it rains Please rite as follows if you know hhule ur ear rood to teteh [sh The schule whieh [ a log one and leaks eve mid gives ome reannatisnr —Nenturky Slats Junrual. | lan wil un oun, An American. “Yorn honse is on fire, colonel,” said a man e a 1 durir itical ** icution” pulse of many a man was feverish. “Mil ride, ole boy. Go up alter while’n put her out. “Bat the roof was falling in when T left there.” ‘Thad so? Cellar ain’t hurt yit, reckon. Tloorah!” all of your furniture is de- fact? Saved the well didu’t they All right. Toorait” Tho American is an enthusiastic cit —Arkansaw Traveler. A Change of Atmosphere. E other when it was quite cold 3 came in ina very happy condiciot ish cold weather ish mell wintersh in air, Shay. F don't you notish chante in atmosp! Fatman looked at Bibulons, fora moment, and then, as he caught a whiff of lus breath, replicl: * Yea, Bib, [do notices chan, mosp'icre whenever you come Washington Hatchet. good shing in theat- around, "— Up To Snuff. “13 yonr_m de sheriff re nee on Madison avenue. + Naw, sur,” F pone the new servant. * Where is he? a Wwport, sor,” “Tow do you know ie is at N re, didn’t he tell me i charactht alled to Times. ter at home?” asked a t the door of a palatial Newport?” suspicions —Lrooklyn A noy who once kissed the schoolmarm is now the mayor of a Western city. When one enters upon a career of crime, there's no knowing where he may end.—Boston Trans- cript. A Massacuusrtts tin pedler is missing. He probably forgot himself and got on tie route whe sold an old maid some worth- less tins. get an injury.—Brovklyn Times, New England old maids never for- Wires a couple are Lit their feeling is one of iu-Gue-night bliss. iflings. Quire Axotien Tntxa, Young lady (to hoonstere clerk with his neck ted up)— Ifave you got the Newport Aq | Clerk (reassuringly)—"* Ob, no, noth but common boil. Mass “—Harvard hies are tendered this misfortvne; byt it is hoped the th of Orr Continent its 1 ovtrageovs style of spelling will <l vpon ne more forever in ovr covatry. Ove sympa Vovrgee that with to Ivdge i de Ip is rather I lose not only the 3 Ise the millions 18 Let on the election, W saved a thor 1 dollars Leeause we didu’t have pmount to bet. Such is life— Newman Independent. vt Eprron— What is that yon ask, “Can T go chestnntting. pa?” Elitor—“Oh, certsinly, — Iere’s aud over there's the London hiladelphia Call. Gott had no m ay tenor, y when he died, 1 the funny men nee ing by mant : ibrellas ~ per ann Pant Herald. Mr. einer | ward used to. eigni itd.” for instance Mand (whe resents the nstance, Arabella’ vanser:pt. ebella, is a he rodaahil’? ) imiputaatic yey nu hid."—Loston Tar young journalist is known hy the that he always keep: handy. old journalist dees not bother with onaries, If not quite sure of a word he a sbatit, and lets the printer figure | stout for himself.— Philadelphia Call, abit of last wintcr’s clothing, found a bunch | of clay stuck to the arm hole of a co: | eit off and examined it, He wil nle to use a pitchfork in about a is wife killed the wasps with the broom.—Lrooklyn Times. Ix Thibet a woman may have four hus- bands, but in this country she can only have one ata time, Our highest priced funny man is now wrapped in deep gloom over attempt to decide whether the Thibetan man or the American woman is the person to be sympathized with,"—Oil City Blizzard. Macpo—“ Oh, T th splendid minister! 3 thought it was generally admitted that his sermons are very dull and dry.” Maud— Oh, I never listen to what he says. 1 don’t eare anytl hont that. you know. Bat he handles Ins handkerchief 80 grace- fully that [ could sit and feast my eyes on him for hours.”"—Loston Transcript. Textnal isa owN— The duty on Havana cigars is to be reduced, I ece. Wonder if there'll be any fall in the price of the cigars to con- sume Smith—“T hope not. E time I call on Robinson he passes out a cigar that costs him fifty cents apiece! T should be losing a good deal of money in the course of the vear, “don’t yon sce, if he got them for thirty-five or even forty cents each.—Loston Traiiscript. mbing love by moon. | | 000 Mirs | 3 Mende | A Lona Istanp farmer, while looking over | sand | prob- | | Aust | complaint Love is blind—especially if the girl is rich.— Tecus Siftings, Rep is a fast color, when it is used in painting towns. —Siftings. This is not the time to get married. gentle spring tie’em is the Journal. The best.— Somerville Caivany is the name of a Chicago ceme- tery but ‘by cars to Calvary” appended to funeral notices has a queer look. Boston Herald. Ir is said that the English farm laborer eats four meals a day. Probably oatmeal, rve meul, Indian meal and barley meal.— Loston Transcript. Tur lase Lallists are inconvention. Per- haps come measures will be devised whereby il ball” when caught by a spectator, won't hurt.—/herlford Post. Trrascner Wyman wants to bid good-bye to the three cent piece. It is a practically useless coin, except when you can pass it off for a dime, Then it seems to have an enhanced value.—Marlford Post. Tue wife of Dz, Tanner used to earn $3, year asa physician before her marriage. Now ehe has lest all that income. It is never advisable for a self supporting woman to marry fast” man,— Lowell Citizen. ««Joux, Tam very despondent. I can’t seem to get on in the world. I believe I'l blow out my brains.”” ‘Good scheme, my boy. I believe if you do you will strike a How at the real cause of your trouble.”— Chicago New Kate Friern avers that she couldn’t get a wcll-cooked dinner in Utah during eighteen months. A case of ‘* too many cooks spoil the broth,” we presume, or eleo the wives were fighting over who should pull the next handful of hair out of the old man’s head.— Boston Globe. Art Note. Miss Esmeratpa Lonocorrin, NOL us attractive as she was thirty years ago, las recently tuken to crockery painting. In other words she paints her mug, her own mug. and she kalsomines her features so urtisticully that she looks like another wo- man Kosciusko Murphy passed her on n avenue without speakin “Why, Mr. Murphy, what have I done who is that you should not recognize me?” I don’t know what yo. have done,” re- plied the brute, “ but you are eo beautiful all at once that I did not recognize you.”— Tezas Siftings. Heavy Defalcation. “7 UNDERSTAND,” suid a man to an ac- quaintance, * thst vou are no longer post- master at Hornville.” “That's a fact.” “ Did yon resign?” “No, they shoved me ont.” “What for?” “ Misappropriation of funds, they said.” «But you are not guilty, are you?” “Well, I came out fifty cents short.” “That all? They should have made no bout so small an amount. Only fifty cents?” © That’s all.” “ Thav’s strange. What was the total amount of receipts daring the entire year?” “ Seventy-five oonte.”—Arkansaw Travel: rr. comicbooks.com