Judge — November 15, 1884 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. A SOLE STIRRING INVEN LON. sn A LONG deciphered in a front window the legend, “ Weakly Boarders Wanted.” There is a bunch of grapes at the Ameri- can Institute Fair which weighs six pounds Like the fox in the fable, all visitors at th fair are morally certain that those grapes are | very sour. A southern farmer has orders from New Yorh for 80,000 pounds of water-melon sced, to be grown next year. The Jamaica ginger foundries are beginning to run night and day in order to anticipate the demands of the summer of ’85. Don’t make comparisons, my boy. ‘They are apt to make us wretched. Even if it doesn’t look so, you are just as warm in your ten dollar overcoat as the dude in his fifty Collar surtout. It is thick cloth, not fine, that keeps us warm; hard hands, not soft, that keep their grip in this world. “How is land out your way—high asked the Bostonian of the un-tamed biped from Leadville, “High! Wall, rayther. ’Bout ez high ez it comes ennywhar. Ye see, stranger, the Rockies spur out cur way, an’ it’s a mighty high cloud what ain’t got ter take the road ‘round instead a-cuttin’ ‘cross lots in them parts, Yaas, land is rayther high out our way.” There seems to be no end to the capricious tyranny of fashion.—During the coming winter ladies who want to be in the mode will b feathers. Proressor Suortcvut (whose sympathetic nature enables him to see, without the aid of lasses, into the wondrous workings of the juman soul in its teens) when one of his boys is suffering from over-study, promptly cuts off the pipes and beer and’ contraband sandwiches and sauer-kraut, and prescribesa drastic course of Greek lexicon and differen- tial calculus. FELT ave to wear some hat along with their NEED, THE PA YT SAFETY An Autumn Idyl. Asp now the duds let tries, | With all his m From Solom t and main. 1 Levi's three-ball store pe to reclaim, ‘The ice-cream man counts up his gains, nd smiles a three-ply s As down into He thrust The festive kid now kicks himself And wears a hump-backed frown, To think he blew his nickel in When a circus came to town, The workingman scrapes ‘round to find ‘The necessary stuff To fill his bin with anthracite And give the cold the bluff. The Louse-wife hooks her claws and crawls Upon the old man’s back, And asks him, with a rolling pin, To buy a sealskin sacque The maid sits out upon the lawn For Ambrose to enfold, And catches, from the dampened ground, An everlasting cold. peel upon the walk few short weeks it knows ‘That ice its place will took The nd leaves grow brown and sere, Everything seems new, Except the paragraphers pun Upon the oyster stew St. Paul Herald THE wise debtor doesn’t rely too much on his floating debts to keep him afloat. He will be less likely to drown if he depends on a sinking fund. ‘Tne model coachman sleeps with his boots on and his grip-sack under the bed. He | knows not at what dread hour he may be summoned by the eloping angel. | York, and so they COAT FLAP. Journal of Young Sawbone's Bride. Octower 22Np. My wedding day! How charming the thought that I shall always have dear Edward near me, and how much more fortunate am I, than other girls of my sex, who have not married physicians. Poor things, (I mean the girls, of course). Well, althou Papa says the city is full of medicals, I don’t suppose there are enongh to make husbands fin all the girls in New an’t all marry doctors, but I pity them all the same. To be sure, Mabel Taylor, who married a lawyer over a year ago, said she thought Doctors were horrid; always around hospitals, and morgues and sick people, but I knew she was jealous a I told her that I thought hospitals were quite as nice as police courts, | and that the morgue was no worse than the Tombs. Then she said, her husband was not a criminal lawyer, and I replied as olitely as I could, that noone ever supposed he was criminal; of course, he couldn't help \it, and I noticed that she gave a pecular little sniff, as I attempted to point out to her how much more convenient it was to have a doctor than a lawyer in the family. “You see,” I said, ‘a woman couldn't ask her own husband to get her a divorce, but a woman could take her own husband’s medi- cine. Then she said I talked like a little fool, and that doctors never prescribed for their own wives, and I told her she was a mea spiteful thing and we didn’t speak for two weeks. I declare, I almost wish I could have a sick-headache right away, so I could tell her what delicious medicine Edward gave me, and how delighted he was to smooth my pillow, and rub a menthol pencil over my brow. But enough of this. The carriage is t. ing to bear us hence on our wedding journey and I must leave my journal for a brief second. Oh, Edward, Edward. No longer shall the black waters of the East River that flow comicbooks.com