Judge — September 20, 1884 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| THE JUDGE. My dear Mrs. Hamburg, Tue Jupoe wonders how # bright little woman like you can be so casily fouled. To be sure, Hamburg’s weekly letter that accompanies the weekly check states that he is having a dull dismal time, and not for worlds would he deprive his litle ducky dear of her pleasure—oh, no! and little ducky-dear forgets all About last summer and swallows it all, and goes sailing or boat- ing with as many misgivings as her selfish and hardened little heart is capable of feel- ing. All this while old Hamburg is having a high old time, and is beginning to consider His hops do not occur once a week, but take place much more frequently. In fact, he hops most of the time, und when he does not hop himself he takes delight in the hop- pings of others, Just at present the ballets at Niblo’s and the Star are causing his dull old eyes to sparkle with a light that Mrs. Hamburg bas never seen in their watery depths. Iv has hopped more than once to the Casino roof this summer, and has indulged in ice cream and claret cup. to such an ex- tent, that, if Mrs. IL. finds it ont, she will make him hop to a lively tune of d6ftire and cents when he begins to preach economy to her in the early full. He has not forgotien how hopping mad ehe was when she found out about Tia Coney Island trips last summer, and he would rather endure ascries of hop poultices than to have her come home now in the midst of the “Sioba” and ‘* Seven Ravens ’” festivities, So poor old Hamburg keeps on having a dull dismal time and pays the bills that his little wife incurs, while buth are indulging in their Summer Hops, "Leven. A MAN wearing a high hat, low shoes, small coat and large pants, with a blossom on his nose and a pin-teralgh on his ear, entered one of our dry-goods emporiums on Sixth Ave. the other day, and, addressing one of the clerks, said: “show me some muslin and calicoes.” “Laws, sir,” aid the clerk, ‘this way, sir, ye know.” "They waded throug ha maclstrm of rustling animate skirts, and finally arrived at the niuslin and calico department. « This,” said the counter-jumper, throw- ii 1 a bolt of muslin that made the 's tickets fly, ‘‘this, sir, aw is our “fwuit of the loom’ at eight cents, worth- aw ‘leven—” “Give me ‘leven bolts,” interrupted the customer, making a mem, of the purchuse; “now show me some calicos.” “Laws, sir; these-a are our latest pwints at five cents, worth-a six—” “*Leven bolts of that; you may pick out the most popular patterns. Now some silks, sir.” “Laws, sir, this way, sir. Theso,” ho said as he displayed a dozen different patterns, ‘these are very stylish; only the other day Mrs. Buildavan bought three bolts,—” “ How much per yard?” “<'T'wo-sixty-two ‘and a half, worth-a three—” “Give me thirty yards of each pattern.” “ Laws, sir, with pleasure, sir, Twim- mings, ye know?” “Oh, yes,” replied the buyer, “of course; yon may select tho necessary fixin’s, Ah, while you're about it, just put me down for 33 sets of underwear, assorted sizes and Poriceman— Soy, what ’re ye doin’ anyrcoy?” Citizen—‘ Reading the returns from a Democratic standpoint.” colors, 22 corsets, 99 pairs hose, 44 “leven dollar hats, 11 bottles bandoline, 22 paii eight dollar shoes, ussorted sizes-1 to 7, 22 boxes kid gloves, 132 handkerchiefs, 33 | Lozes face-powder, 11 boxes rouge de theatre; and sample lut of collars, cuffs, jevelrs, fans, parasols, und powder-puffs. If you have anything unique in gartere, send ‘leven pairs, and add ten dollars worth of assorted ing.” ue Laws, sir; anything else, sir?” “ Well, yea.” said the cutomer, consulting his mem. ** There ure several more items, bat let's go and get sumthin’ before we tackle tho rest-I'm dry, aint you?” The clerk intimated that he was in like condition, and skipping across the street they were soon trying to see how much of their respective noses they could pack into a schooner, “Oh, apropos, before I forget it, putdown ‘Joven seal-skin’ saques, and 22 boxes tafly- tolu.” “Laws, sir, cawtinly, ye know. Aw-cr-a are you, ye know, the pwoperty-man of the-a Italian Opewa Company: sir, ye know?” “Oh, no, sir;” replied the purchaser of 80 many articles of female folly, “I’m only & quite unassuming citizen; but on yesterday I married a widow with ‘leven grown up daughters, and, as I’n opposed to frequent shopping-tours, I thought I’d lay in a stock that’d last a month or six weeks.” They returned to the store and added 44 bustles and ‘leven Langtry bangs to the order. econo Dean. Grover CLEVELAND woars a number 19 collar. Bully for Grover! Tue “Journal of Civilization” has de- generated into a hot box. Force of Habit, “My man is of no earthly use to me, though he seems willing und intelligent enough.” “« What is the matter then?” ‘Why he drops off to sleep on the slightest provocation, He can hurdly pass a dark entry without stepping in it and going to sleep.” “You onght not be surprised.” “Why?” “You knew he had been on the police torre when you hired him.”—Detroit Jour- nal, Mrs. Euma D. E. author of “Sete-Raisep; or, Fron THE Dertus,” Pablished by T. B. Peterson & Brothers, Philadelphia, considers it to be | the best work she has ever written. There is a curious blending of realism and romance jin this work—the result, it may be, of the | leading incidents having occurred in actual life. ‘The interest is kept up and intensified by dramatic positions throughout the whole work. It is a moral story, and one which addresses itself as giving an example of per- severance uuder difficulties, and ultimate success, Sovtnworta, the Tue finny tribe—the inhabitants of Fin- land. Tue happy pair—Blaine and Logan. “Tut be damned if I do,” as the river replied when requested to stop awhile. A CoQUETTE would mako a good post-mis- tress—she is such an adept at tandling the males, comicbooks.com