Judge — September 20, 1884 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

in her laboratory. She had a galvanic bat- tery which she wanted to try on godmamma Tattle one day that she’ complained of rheumatism, but godmama declined, say- ing that she had been more than sufliciently electrified for one day, and that she never met Mrs, Narcotic without experiencing a shock, but then godmama did not like Mrs. Narcotic. | When the Narcotic family firs me to the neighborhood, Mrs, Nar cotic became the founder of a Mutual Improvement Society.” dmamma ‘Tattle likes to be thought a little blue, so she joined heartily. The society was to be composed of twenty-four members, and each member in turn was to have the privilege of sel a subject for a weekly essay, and every member ted to ay within the w Mrs. Narcotic had first choice, and she propounded for our consideration the fol- owing rather ‘dbetriae query: ‘* Does rooster who crows punctually at the same hour every morn ct from instinct, cal- culculatio oe. We God- m Mr write the ng. , observation, or mere impul Il confessed ourselves puzzled. was offended. I was amused. Lightfoot handed in a paper on which was written: ‘‘I never asked him,” and, as it was her turn to prope us all round old pa subject, she with the well-kno killed k Robin ic opened the next meeting by . “Ladies! I very much regret to say that Iam not ina position to solve the very difficult, yet interesting question pre posed by Mrs. Lightfoot as the subject for our essay for th Since our last meet- ing I have devoted a very large portion of my time to careful and earnest histori research. particulars of the life of Mr. Cock Robin, or any record of his death. As I see the other ladies have no papers with them, I conclude ent s week. they have been no less unfortunate than myself. Perhaps Mrs. Lightfoot would so far assist us, as to give us a general idea as tothe century in which Cock Robin lived and died, and y to what country he belonged, and if there was any positive proof that he came to his death by violent means. Could she also inform us whether he had many enemies, and if there was any special cause for their animosity.” As she concluded this speech with a very self-satisfied air, anda graceful little inclina- tion towards Mrs. Lightfoot, she was very much amazed at secing usall quivering from head to foot with suppressed merriment. The Mutual Improvement society collapsed Then Mrs. Narcotic founded a “RK Club,” at which she reed books of her own sclection to other members. ‘Then a debat- ing society. but we all rose in our thousands and debated so hard, that Mrs, Narcotic did not like it. Mrs. Lightfoot was a gres debater. So was Mrs. Baily Bickering. So was godmama, and so, to the truth, wa I. We took one evening Tennyson’s state- ment that ‘woman was the lesser man” as our theme. And as the whole meeting was composed of ‘Tenn was universally agreed they were the greate We all debated whether men were not excel- lent beasts of burden, whose greater strength and lower intellect were given to them to fit them for their position. Again we debated whether fruit, flower: vegatebles, birds, animals or precious stones were the most fitting adornments for our bonnets, but this was merely by play, and and we never agreed on it, besides, Mrs. Narcotic did not like it. — She said, such a discussion was bencath our intellects, but Yet I have failed to discover any | THE CLOSE OF [Scene at a basement door on Sth Ave. THEIR SEASON, sept. 1.] Many ANN (tearfully)—Good bye mither I’m sorry I have'nt more to give ye, but ye must make haste for I think I hear me missus carriage comein’ thats bringin’ them home from t ep mountains, (hasty departure with promises to again spend the summer next year with Mary Ann). Mrs. Lightfoot retorted, that our bonnets were always placed above the seat of intel- lect, and this nearly led to another debut Mr cotic tried anew plan. She said she would not allow any subject to be brought forward until it was privately proposed to her, and received her approval. Mrs. Light- foot very meckly suggested entomology, and proposed to open the next meeting with some practical remarks on bees. Mrs. Narcotic agreed, and spent a whole week studying the subject, but when the debating society next Mrs. Lighfoot’s lecture proved foo prac- she brought a swarm of bees in a and proposed depositing the queen in the bang of the ‘powerful Narcotic” to prove that all the swarm would follow their queen. ‘The debate came to asummary con- clusion that day, and Mrs. Lightfoot and the bees had it all to their own way. But god- mama Tattle was too much for her, she pro- posed a debate on the relative merits and demerits of rats and mice—particularly rats. Mrs. Lightfoot da special horror of these interesting rodents, and when the lecture or debate became foo practical, and the speci mens were let loose in the room, she led the retreat of the screaming debaters. Altogether the debating society asuccess. Godman Lightfoot had a ‘be was not Tattle said, * Mrs. ein her bonnet.’” Mrs. Lightfoot said, ‘‘godmama Tattle would fill the city with vermin. Mrs, Narcotic went home in di »,and said there was no hope of raising our intellectual standard. And this was the end of our debating socie- ty. But the great Narcotic was not yet at the end of her r She founded a “ Musical Socie at promptly. ban- ished any littl armony that remained among us. To one who loves music as I do, the meetings were an uninterrupted scene of most exquisite torture. Mrs. Narcotic moaned and yelled alternat her voice had a wonderful com} hesaid. Mrs, Light foot pounded out long pages of instrumental music. Mrs. Bailey Bickering sang, but as her idea was to get one note, no matter what note, and to keep on it all through, her music was not edifying. Orininoco O'Dell sang plaintive ditties of disappointed love which always gave me the horrer: nd I thanked a regular battle, my stars when which took place between Mrs. Bickering and the powerful Narcotic, put an end to this ty. But sinee then we have been divided into two factions, the ‘* Bickering” and the ‘ Narcotic,” and there is war to the knife between them. Thic Narcotic-Bicker- ing campaign is very trying to us all, for though the Narcotics moved off in disgust, on the Ist of May 1. their faction still comicbooks.com