Judge — August 23, 1884 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

the Philistines, and drove the Dimmekrats out of the land; and made Abraham their king; and the thieves were bounced after fightin 11, So many years passed. And the Dim- mekrats grumbled among themselves saying “Lo, these many years have we been kept behind the door, and the people are rich and happy, having had no one to rob them, Shall we not therefore again come the Dick Turpin act upon them? 12. But the Dimmekrats must have a cap- | tain of the army to lead them.” 13. And they said, “ Let the man who stole the most in '56 take the position.” And lo, it was Hendrie! 14. So, led on by Hendricks his captain, the Dimmekrats in- vaded the tribes of Columbia. But the people laughed at them, and “What! think ye that after sixteen years of shekularity we will go back to be robbed again? Go too, Samuel, thou art green, and thy children are as the festive pumpkin.” 16, Samuel retired. 17. And the people made Rutherford their | king. And after him they were ruled by Gartield, and then Arthur came to the | throne. 18, And when the timecame that Arthur to leave Washington, the Dimmekrats said, ‘Our chance is come; let us repeat the doings of ’56.” 19. ButSamuel, their prophet, said, “No, attempt it not this year. For see, is not Blaine the head of the people? Thou wilt 20. y said, “ Go up, old bald-head. ‘Thou shalt be our prophet no longer. Cleve- land shall be our king, and Hendricks shall again be captain of the arm: 21, And Samuel said, where angels fear to tread. well out of it.” 22. Behold, it was as Samuel said; for the Dimmekrats were smitten, hip and thigh, 23. Albert George William, the good, and small-still Puck were with them, yet they got worse left than ever; and they said, “ Lo, the people's gold is not for us; let us retire and give the Greenbackers a chance. Fools rush in Goon; I am A Growina Evit—Peck’s Bad Boy. The hour has come, and the man hour was three o’clock in the mornin, the man was three sheets in the wind, “To bo weak is to be miserable ”—that’s boarding-house coffee. To be strong is to be more miserable still —that’s boarding-school butter. Is Blaine a Catholic or a Protestant? An important question, some editors believe; | but the previous question is this: Is Blaine running for Pope or for President? Score one for mercantile morality.— ‘Twenty samples of slaughter-honse lard were analyzed the other day, and of all of these samples not one was found to be adulterated with Orange County butter, or oil of al- monds. “Do orange-lilies. grow near water?” asked an enthusiastic young Orangeman, who was searching for the sacred flower. ‘ Bedad, they do not,” said the rebel Pat. “It’s somethin’ a dale stronger than water, ye'll find, where the orange-lilies thrive best.”” amuel their king, and | THE JUDGE. , Yacntsm as Lanvsman—‘* Don't ch? squalls every day. Too Tight. is fair as ever Venus spect the odidest— + out-goddessed — s be-jerseyed and be-bodiced Is Pl Neither croquet nor lawn-tennis Ps The exertion For the outline of her dresses Round her dainty fi One day 11 After i With motion cantious, slidi She alit; But, alas! the horses started — Frightened from their side she darted; Oh! my Venu See theda That the dresses that you wear should Burst this way! y suit is, When thy lacings slight their duti And thy wealth of hidden beauties ‘0 display. She is fair as any Venus— Tl swear that; And I'm sure she, from her mien, is . but the laces, "Twas to them she owed her graces, For the plain state of her case is She's too fat You men who stay ashore have no idea what a squall i I've got a pair of ticins wha can give you points about My Vacation. ut Tne “zoological specimens” next pre- sented themselves for my inspection and admiration, Oh, ye naturalists, hark! a grunting, soil-inspecting, bisuleous mamma- lia (genus: sus domestica), with a consort of | a dozen equealing satellites, and a goat of the William denomination The pater familias, alias joined me in my exploring perambulation. ne sow, that, eh?” he said. tolerably fine. But still I’ve seen larger ones at the Hogtown Fair and other places of amusement.” “‘Neow do tell!” he exclaimed, as he made a connection between his celibate gus- pender and companionless trouser button; the ’tarnal gullispickle! but she’s not gerly arter all!” “I presume not,” I said as I lighted a fresh * La Cubana,’ ‘ have one?” “You bet,” and he grabbed the cigar with hawk-like voracity. “Tow do you like it?” T asked, “Wall, (puff, puff,) its purty fair con- sideren; but ol’ Sol. Whiggles deown by soap factory makes a seegar, three fur five, er seven fur ten cents, ’at knocks the socks oft’n enything in this here section er the kentry! This here specimen is purty fair, but his’n is the genuine article, fur he cul- | tervates the weed hisself and he knows er heap erbout the handlen on it. Neow I serpose yer get erbout six er these fur a nickle, eh?” Ye tobacco connoiseurs, expire! I now gazed upon the “rural mansion.” Oh, you modern architects, hide yourselves | insempiternal oblivion! ‘Twelve piles driven into the ferruginous soil did service as a | foundation for this magnificent edifice. The comicbooks.com