Judge — August 16, 1884 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. Moreover Mr. Jones hailed from the same Huckleberry town that Mr. Macklehinny was born in, and Mr. Jones was well quainted with Mr. Macklehinny’s ante ents, so when the latter broached the sub- ject of candles on the morning referred to, the former, in popular parlance, was" ready for the fray.” Unfortunately for Mr. Macklehinny he was sitting on the hotel piazza, engaged in conversation with his rich inamorata when the proprietor passed by, and Mr. Mackle- hinny, thinking no time like the present, opened fire by saying in his broadest drawl: “Aw say—landlord—cawn’t you give a fellah something bettah than a beastly cawndle to go to bed by?” ‘** What’s the matter with the candle, Macklehinny? Wasn’t it a good one? “ Aw weally don’t know about the quality of cawndles, land-lord, but they’re a beast! nuisance, and I couldn’t get along with them, not even when I was abwoad, you knot “Well, now, Jones, teking a Mr. that’s strange,” said Mr. eat beside the couple. It really is remarkable how people do forget. Why, your mother used to make the best tallow Nips in Huckleberry town, and she used to tell me you were uncommon peart about helping her to try the I might give you u kerosene lainp, I sj isn’t any gas upon your floor, and I should be most afraid to have you tackle a gas jet, anyhow! %T don’t understand you, sir!” exclaimed Mr. Macklehinny growing red in the face, while Miss Dargent began to look amused, “Well no that’s strang too, Mr. d Ichinny,” continued Mr. Jones, but I s’pose you’ve forgotten, along with other things, how a few years ago, you blew out the gas the first night you went to bed, at m. house down in Cand street. [kinder though then you had a weak intellect, and | guess Iwas right. The ajlucinm of that ‘ere gas must have injured your memory, and no wonder, for you were powerful sick after it.” At this point Mr. Jones Miss Dargent presses a her lips pi alled av nd e handkerchief to nd escapes to the far end of the As for Mr. Macklehinny, the place, anyw and he is now si he didn’t like you know!” ing cheap board in a hotel that has gas in all the rooms, and he is par- ticularly anxious to find a place where the proprietor shall not be named Jone Wuat the ticket thinks of itself (when no interviewers are about). The head thinks the tail a played out old humbug; and the tail thinks the head a pretentious young puppy. “Ron me the treasury, Grone, the very first thing thou doest.” jas, poor fat knight! ‘Our true prince inherits only an empty title, not a full barrel. Tistp Gurst—* Can you tell me, please, is there an elevator in this hotel Old Stager—*‘ I should think so! Lots of them. Can get one down at the bar for ten cents, Set ’em up JUDGING from the newspapers of London and Paris the Democratic nomina ation is looked at in a rather critical spirit in those capitals, But London and Paris be blowed! What has ** Copenhagen” got to say about it?—that’s the question. , but there | MR, JONES’ BROKEN DOWN TO HIRE A HAY-CART TO R S$ TURN IN. TEN MILES PROM IIS HOTEL IE ATION ON HIS ARRIVAL. WAS OBLIGED Monographs. EXCEPTION, O EVENING hour, sweet close When weary V hai And soft er in play, And pe Hower, tills the breast! THE cof ats 1 Is find rest, What man this solace eannot‘find! We think of none, unless it may be a mind His mewlir ling baby. AN aching void—a hollow tooth. “Won by a bare s the hen observed when she turned up the worm, Even the most uncompromising of tem- perance advocates will lc ave the table in dis- gust if the beef is not well corned. It is rumored that Mary Anderson thinks of entering a convent. “Good! She will make one of the prettiest Gal-at-tears that ever wore a veil. Every man thinks he ean umpire a base- ball game better than the other fellow after the ordeal—if he comes out alive—it is hard for him to decide which is the bigger fool of the two, Young man, if you aspire to be president | of this glorious land one of these days, mar- ry a woman you can govern. This achieve- ment—if possible—will be a grand aid in your campaign; for a man whocan govern a Woman can govern a nation, and this coun- try knows it. Under the head of ‘* Mid-Summer Mus- ings,” a rural editor delivers himself of this refreshing reflection: Snow-balling is a misdemeanor in Brooklyn.” We venture to assert that the authorities of that eminently proper city would at this particular season place no very serious obstacle in the way of | the amusement they so injudiciously tabooed when the year was young. Let the boys go right song with their snow-balling and not lose a day. We will pay all the fines if they get into trouble through this advice. Ella Wheeler has written about ems. In a recent one she she would set the whole bate! she gets where the harps are handed around, and with this glorious work in view, she is ready to mecter death at any time, Little other ¢ 0 po- intimated that to music when ‘Isio had a novel experience the It was the first time she had | ever y! d with a kitten, and she was highly delighted with the animated toy. Suddenly the kitterr scratched the little soft hand, ‘ora moment Ff astonishment w tor wordsy then, a a.tone of ming | indignation and surpri she exclaimed: ow ‘hy, mamma! pussey’s dot pins in her (peering into the sanctum) any vine, elegant suspenders to-d: | tings vat vill throw oudt der el de , and keep you in der shouldt go? Jinpecunious Seribe (irritably)—* Get, out of this, you mocking old Israelite! I'm hard enough strapped already without any | ance from you.” Levi—* Ah, pended payment! up with, “TH let—” But just here a pair of weary shears cut short the thread of Levi's remarks, and when he picked himself up at the bottom | of the stairs he concluded to suspend. busi- | ness himself for the rest of the di and while away the hours taking an inventory of his cuts and bruise: —‘*Vant Some- » hold up vay you | | Tre Democratic y—Keep your pow- der dry and your whi wet, Aw Act of Congress that the President couldn't veto if he would, and the people wouldn’t if they could—the act of adjourn- ment. wo Is Blaine a Catholic or a Protestant? An important question as some editors believe; but the previous question is this: ‘ Is Blaine running for Pope or for President?” comicbooks.com