Judge — August 9, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

who a fash- n she ng man in Oakls who was sent to ‘oung ladies. Wh red if she would ation other young ladies that he ud by attending the fashionable semi- nary. After being there a year, he began flatter himself that hi 1s proof sinst such nonsense, when he received a ned “ Jessic * instead of Jessie, as heretofore. In answering, he wrote some- thing like this: ‘* Dear Jessica—Y our welcome letter received. Mamaica and Pa- 1 e well, Aunt Maryica and Uncle Georgeica started for the Santa Cruz moun- tains y y. Have bought a new hors it is it is named Mandica, ete. Your affectionate brother, Samica.” next letter was signed Jessie.—San Fran- cisco Call. Financial Points. CaNxapa hotels now advertise: rates to Bank Presidents and C; the United Sta ve « Special | hiers from | with he speaks must have monkied ks too. You remember tha of the ‘short and the long of it.” “ Never ulate, my boy,” said a suc- cessful merchant to his youngest clerk, as he tied up four pounds of coffee for a custo- mer and. ch him with six pounds. “Stick to a safe, legitimate, honest business, and in the end success will be yours.” ” said the wife of a Bank President in reply to the inquiry of a near friend, “no, my husband will not go to Europe this sum- mer. At one time he thought of going, but he has changed his mind. The Cashier is spending the summer in Canada, and my husband thinks it is only justice to the dir tors and depositors to postpone his trip un- til next season.”—S¢. Lowis Mayazine. HAKESPEARE pe Why Tennis is Unpopular. Edith—© Why, my yd rling Maud, where have you been so long? You have not been here for several seasons. I often think how fond you used to be of croquet.” Maud—* Ye 3 matter, though I’ seldom play now. not care for it, I remember.” Edith o, I doted on lawn tennis, and have played it right along every summer; in fact, Lam just on my way to a game now. But whose child is that Maud?” Mand—* Mine. 1 was married four years to the gentleman, w s you will re rtner at croquet the last t for that You did -‘ Ah! am still in the m Eulith (sadly) here I Maud (whispering) rket.” « Drop tennis and go Married; and back to croquet.”—Lz. Youne Ti a paragr: fybrick is ambitious to become st evening, while ing with his girl, he suddenly perpetrated the following idiosyncrasy “ My love, why are you like the man who dealt the cards to the heathen Chine?” Ah, Chawley dear, I cannot even ap- proach to the outskirts of that awfully hor- rid conundrum, Why is it, love?” “Tt is because you a a the ideal I follow, my precious little sweet, and that racket followed an Nye deal also.” Ice cream Testored the young Whitehall Times, ae lady.— The | walk- | | wonderful catches, THE JUDGE. Wasn't Popular. Asa justice of the y old Nicholas is undoubtedly projudind, Several days ago he was summoned before the Grand Jury n indictment, charging him with maife sance in oflice, having been found him. Like ter know whnt’s yer charges,” said ldressing the foreman, We have proof here, showing that one Andy ‘Tobman was arraigned before you, and, that regardless of the fact that his inne was clearly shown, you sent him to vow explain why you Dat’s mighty e splained, *'The evidence showed that he was inno- cent.” Yes, sah, everdence.” “Well, why did you send him to jail.” “Cap'n, dé fack am dis, Dat man Andy ain’t popular wid me, an’ wen er man ain’t popular wid me, Tsen’s him ter jail de fust chance I gits, ' Dat’s de sort 0” Jedge I but lemme tell yer, I neber sen’s none o” my frien’s dar, Louk out how yer handles me. Idoan know how long yer's gwine ter be popular.”—Arkansaw Traveler. he couldn’ find no fault wid de Proven to be True Ie was 9 hful wooer, but there was a certain manliness about him which indicated that he only needed a little encouragement to let himself out. She saw this, and she resolved on a policy of encouragenwnt. ** Do you believe these stories in the funny papers,” she asked, ‘about the willingness to be kissed?” ‘tsay,” he replied Then, gathering “Thope they are tru r to her. ae | sto me,” she said, ‘that there is only one n which a young man can discover whether they are true or not.” * And what way is that,” he asked. There was a brief 5 Then, with a far-away look in her e: she answered: “ By experimenting when he has the op- portunity. He experimented. Pe al may be tru he added: drew clo: “They ‘ourage, nd he use. Yonkers Statesman. Some Tall Fishing. Five Newarker from a fishing excu who returned last night ion to Barnegat report “* We hauled ‘em in so fast that the lines scorched our fingers id one of the fisher- men, nd we had to take a bucket of water with us to keep them dam: “You needn't look so surprised,” another of the party, ‘we w than an hour and filled the boat twice dur- ing that time. We sent the captain back with the yacht, while we kept on fishing. We caught 682 weak fish in half an hour.” — Newark remarked e out le H, my deah Miss Annie, how do like the cut of my hi * drawled a papered young blood to a bright, \ Ills girl. Well, Mr. Witless, really, now, since vou ask me, I'll tell you, that, while I don’t always like such short hair, in your do like it, for it is so nicely cut to match. “I don’t quite compwehiend, Miss Aunie. Match wha’ “Your brains, Traveler. you nd- alnut of course.” — Merchant p hung his hat on the floo ‘0 to bed with the boc Be and attem pt- ck, remarking eback ole fren fam’ly, Good ole u are intoxicated ! ed his disgusted sy *Toxifi Sno thing. drink m’self, Whoop! Horse on hoo One in for the beer! ‘Ugh! you bru If vou are not intoxi- cated, what ails you, sir?” ‘new di of nervous system. ’S’quite common for medic dents to s’perience sym syms—! of « ¢ they're studying. — Been aman wiz tremens, Tad case. Never drank drop in my life. Pittsburgh Chronicle. in use, such gnantly ex- Don’t ou! Yaw- ster— I stu- mptoms willed to That's Whoop! They Were in Doubt. A tose striped snake ¢ ment saloon yesterd: of the room before anybody saw it. mates stood aghast and speechless for seconds, when one of them, pointing hi ger at the object “Do any of the rest of you 2 ° responded in a > all do.” sey at relief to me to know it,” said the first, “for I thought | was oing to have another attack of malaris Me, toc responded the chorus, and then they fell on the snake with billiard cues and killed it.—— Yonkton Press. ‘awled into a base- iddle Th An Editor Insulted. Eprrons have to put up with all mannerof taunts and insults, Not so long social herin, n Austin lady oung man who is connected paper: ** You ought to belong to a church choir.” “But T can’t What put the id my belonging to a choir into your head “0, nothing, except that I was reading the other day that a San F chureh proposes to introduce harp music into the choir, and there is not much difference, you know, between aharp and alyre, so I thought I'd make the suggestion.”"—Teras Siftings. Too Well Educated. L, Colonel B.,” ion in Kentucky to eW. educ: friend of of the have your said a member 2 ean support this winter?” “What fur?” In our educational intere of course. gitating the question, you know, all over the State. “Dog on your educational interests, I n't want no more of it in my tea,” My dear Colonel, you surprise me! What you talk that way? Are you not in favor of education? No, sirree, I hain’t.” Why not?” Well, because I hain’t, It makes more work for me. You see, before 1 was eddi- cated all todo was to make mark fur my name, but now I've wrassel witha pen-pint half an hour, and run my tongue out like a slice of liver, je because I’m edd ud can sign my na Go and try some of them ignorant member: I’m too well eddicated myself to be fooled any furder.”—Merchant Traveler. mak ac comicbooks.com